Scars beneath the surface
by Short on words
Summary: Story about sexual assault, particularly the way out of the darkness afterwards. AH (Mature themes, slow burn, hurt / comfort, angst)
1. Radioactive

**Warning : the first chapter contains a pretty dark flashback, for mature eyes only. It's not smutty entertainment and I've tried to keep the descriptiveness to a minimum since this story is NOT about what Katherine did to Damon, that is just background info.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, it's based on the tv show TVD.**

******xXx**

Damon was trashing wildly underneath the covers.

_"Please don't do this," he whispered uncertainly. His voice broke, making the sentence almost unintelligible._

_"Oow, don't pout sweetheart, I know you secretly enjoy it, don't you?"_

_Damon shook his head slowly, in silent resistance. Katherine wouldn't have any of it and straddled the young man's naked chest. She cradled his chin in her delicate hands and tilted it to make him meet her gaze. Damon knew what was coming, knew he couldn't escape her, but he couldn't give in just yet so he averted his eyes just a little longer._

_Katherine crushed her lips to his, possessive, demanding, urging him to give her what she wanted. Damon just lay there motionless, limb as he closed his eyes and tried to forget the about life for a while. His stepmoms lips parted his, her tongue slipping past suddenly his barrier. Did she even notice what she was doing? Did she realize how this made him feel? Or what she so caught up in the lies she fed him that she actually started to believe them. Suddenly her lips stilled on his as she moved her head along his cheekbone to whisper in his ear: "Damon, I want you to look me in the eyes when I make love to you, dear."_

_"This isn't love, this is illegal," he retorted weakly, his blue eyes piercing hers for just a second, pleading with her to let him go._

_Katherine just smiled up at him, her fingers fisting in his black hair: "As you wish, my dear…"_

_Her stepson closed his eyes again as he sank right back into oblivion, patiently waiting till it was over, till he could have his body back. Damn, he hated that woman, for what she did to him, for making him feel so powerless._

_At first he had make himself believe that he had wanted this, that maybe he did secretly like it. Maybe he had provoked her to do this, maybe his unconscious had caused all this to happen. That was the only logical explanation, right? The alternative… the alternative was that he was being sexually harassed by a tiny, little woman, not even half his size and that would just be… was Damon Salvatore after all._

_Katherine's panting snapped him back to reality, that meant is was almost over. Her body rocking faster and faster against his, her hands fisting in his hair. She was most certainly drowning in ecstasy and he… he just wanted it to be over. It's not that Damon didn't like sex, he used to love it. The moment he slipped right over that brink, it was the greatest feeling in the world… not anymore… he hadn't slipped over that brink in months now. For one because he couldn't, not when she was around and when she wasn't, his body just wouldn't… perform._

_Whenever he tried his muscles would clench together, the memories of her would come rushing back and he just couldn't. It made him feel weak, powerless, useless, a coward. Eventually he stopped trying and the one act he used to love was turning into something that made him loath himself._

_Katherine however, did not seem to have any problem reaching her high, maybe she got off on his pain. When she was done moving, she let her sweaty body fall on top of his. It's was all sticky, disgusting._

_"So, how did you like it dear?"_

_He decided to ignore her, keeping his eyes closed, wanting to make her believe he dozed off. Katherine however, was impossible to fool. "Damon," she chided, "I knów you're awake…"_

_"Go away." he protested._

_"Not before you admit how much you liked it." she shot back, smirking._

_"Can't really do that Katherine, since I hate everything about you and you know it." he managed._

_"Fine, I see we're not getting anywhere, are we? Maybe your brother will show me a little more gratitude." she retorted smugly, knowing this would do the trick._

_"No!" he shouted, "He's just a kid, leave him alone, you promised!" he added, desperation seeping into his voice._

_"Relax sweetheart," she said softly, stroking his check, "You know I like you best anyway, but if you keep resisting me, you leave me no other option dear."_

_Damon hated the power she had over him in moments like this._

_"Why are you doing this to me?" he whispered._

_"Because I need you Damon, that's why. Now be a good boy and go clean yourself up, your father expects you at dinner at five sharp."_

_Damon nodded his head, relieved, thinking it was over, right until she followed him into the bathroom._

_"What do you think you're doing?" he demanded._

_"Getting us both cleaned up, " she replied, pulling him along into the shower cabin._

_"No!"_

_"Shall I go visit Stefan?"_

_"No!"_

_"Now kiss me."_

_Damon reluctantly leaned in, thankful for the spray of water, mixing with the few tears that managed to slip past his guard, hoping, praying, there would ever be a time when this would all be over._

"Damon, Damon!" Elena shouted next to his ear, shaking him wildly until he finally opened his eyes. Damon violently jerked his arms back. "Do NOT touch me, what the hell are you doing?"

Elena quickly stepped away from the bed, shocked. "I… You were fighting, struggling in your sleep… I just wanted to, just wanted to-" she stammered.

"Get out! I don't want you here and I don't need you here! Whatever you and Stefan agreed on, it did not include me, so leave me and my room alone! Understood? And don't you ever dare to come back in while I'm sleeping, understood?" he spoke threatening, menacing.

Elena just kept staring, shocked. What just happened? Once she regained her composure, she turned around and left the room. It was pretty clear this room would not be up for cleaning anytime soon.

Ever since her parents died, money had been tight in the Gilbert family. The little money they left was invested in Jeremy, Elena's brother. He'd always wanted to become an artist and Elena insisted on using their money to put him through school.

Elena herself studied history. In the beginning she had waited tables before and after classes, in order to pay for her dorm and support herself, so when Stefan, one of Elena's college friends had suggested he was looking for some help around the house, she had jumped at the chance.

Stefan was born in a very rich family, his father being a very successful businessman with countries all over the world. The man was currently residing in his hometown in Italy, leaving Stefan to fend for himself in Boston. Stefan and Elena had always been great friends, so when she was having trouble getting her tuition money together, he had wanted to lend her some money as a personal favor, but that was not something Elena could ever bring herself to except. Since Stefan loved to have her around, he had worked out a special deal for her.

Elena could live with him in his gigantic boarding house, which was at a close distance from college, in return she would cook, clean and wash for them. To Elena, the proposal had been ideal up till now, this way she did not have to spend any money on a dorm and she could save the money she earned for tuition. If you thought about it, she was even better off than most of her classmates, none of them had such a beautiful room, with a separate bathroom none less.

They had been living like that for three years now, always enjoying each other's company. Whenever she needed someone to talk to, Stefan would be her shoulder to cry on and Stefan got her company in return. It meant a lot to him, the big house could get lonely sometimes and although he was perfectly capable of cooking himself, nothing tasted better than Elena's lasagna.

Right now, however, Stefan wasn't home, he was visiting his dad in Italy for spring break, leaving her in charge of the house. She thought she'd be alone for two months, she thought wrong. One week ago Stefan's brother had shown up, he'd been living in Australia for quite some time. Elena had been happy at first, it meant she wouldn't be alone at last, but Damon did not seem to want her company. It even looked like he was irritated with her being there. Maybe he was just shy, yeah that was probably it.

There was not knowing any of that for sure, Stefan had hardly ever spoken of him, the brothers had a very complicated relationship. But now it looked like they'd be sharing the house for the next months, so Elena had every intention of getting along with her new housemate. She was determined to take good care of him, just like he did with his brother. It couldn't be too hard to make him realize she was good company, would it?

Turned out it was much, much harder than she ever expected, the first days he'd just been cold, but ever since she'd walked into his room, he was downright hostile. It had been the third morning since he moved in, Elena had woken up early to make them both breakfast. By 10 AM, she still hadn't seen Damon, so she figured he must have left before she woke up, which gave her the perfect opportunity for give his room a thorough cleaning before he got back, that would certainly get her in his good graces.

When she reached the end of the hallway with her vacuum cleaner, a strange noise startled her, it came out of Damon's room. He was kicking, yelling to leave him alone, could anyone be in there?

Elena through the door open and saw the young man struggling against his covers, that must be one terrible nightmare. She gently kneeled next to his bed and shook him gently, urging him to open his eyes "Damon, Damon!" When he finally opened his eyes, they were ice cold. The blue seemed to pierce her skin, leaving her frightened. She had to get out of there immediately.

It had been two days since their awkward morning encounter, he still hadn't spoken a word to her. But that was about to change, she'd thought hard about it and the conclusion was fairly simple: she'd made a mistake, she wouldn't do it again. From now on she would be the best possible roommate anyone could ever image. Damon would understand, he would forgive her and they would become friends, she would make sure of it…

******xXx**

**Voilà, that was the first chapter. I know most stories have Damon helping/saving Elena, but this time they'll safe each other. The subject of men who've experienced something traumatic is still too much of a taboo in our society. Whereas girl generally receive sympathy and care, men are often considered weak if they can't deal with what happened. They bottle it up, burry it with all they have and they struggle once they realize the truth will always resurface in the most inconvenient of moments. **

**English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes, they are not made intentionally and I do try to keep them out, but I'm still learning, so when you find one: give me a head's up so I can adapt.**


	2. Flaws

**ISSUES I FORGOT TO ADRESS LAST TIME:  
Age: Damon is 17 years old in his flashbacks, since he was not a virgin when the facts occurred, it's not statutory rape, though that does not make it any better. Since Damon was unwilling and being blackmailed, the words 'sexual harassment' I used in the previous chapter, were not accurate, thank you scarlett2112 for pointing the issue out to me. For those who'd like to know: currently, I imagine that Damon is 26, while Stefan and Elena are both 22 years old.**

**Appearance: Katherine and Elena do NOT look identical in this story, but there are similarities, which might haunt Damon a little in the next couple of chapters.**

**xXx**

Today would be different! That's what Elena had been promising herself all day, today was the day she'd make it up to Damon and everything would change.

"Good morning Elena." The young man greeted her in the kitchen, kind and composed, like they hadn't been ignoring each other the last couple of days. Wow, that went easy.

"G-good morning, Damon." Damn, when did she develop a speaking disorder?

"So, do you have plans for today?" he wondered out loud.

"I was plan-, No, I guess I don't." That strong, confident voice would be welcome now… anytime…

"Great, I was thinking about showing you the woods, I figured Stefan forgot about that part of our property, since he never liked it as a kid."

"Wow, that would be great. I- I made you breakfast."

Elena didn't know how to reacted, she was surprised that was for sure. She clumsily managed to get the frying pan over to the table without burning herself in the process and started dividing the bacon and eggs. Today she'd be perfect, proving to him that she was worthy of another chance.

"So Elena, Stefan never told me how you ended up here, would you care to enlighten me?"

"I, euhm, it's quite a long story… euhm," she started, not sure how to begin. Where should she begin anyway? If she told him about her parents, it would only darken the mood, she couldn't let that happen, not now he was finally acting remotely normal around her. He started a conversation, where did them come from? Just as she started wondering to what she owed this sudden mood change, he snapped her out of her reverie.

"Elena?"

"Yes"

"You were just about to tell me how you ended up here."

She didn't miss the slight hint of accusation, it disappointed her a little.

"Your brother needed a housekeeper and some company and I needed a job and a place to stay," she replied, deciding that was all he needed to know for now.

"Alright, fair enough."

"What made you come back?" Elena inquired, asking him the question that had been burning in her mind ever since he got home.

"Life," a sigh escaped his lips, "Let's just say I got an unwanted housemate back in Australia."

"So you let one of your friends stay with you and in order to avoid him, you moved to the other side of the world?" Elena demanded in astonishment.

"SHE was NOT a friend," he shot back venomously, clearly disliking the turn the conversation had taken.

Elena's curiosity only spiked at that statement, she took a moment to ponder his strange behavior, why would he suddenly drop everything and leave, after living in Australia for over three year? Surly something must have happened between him and his roommate, but she couldn't imagine what. She made a mental note to ask Stefan later and decided to let it go for now, not wanting to infuriate Damon again.

"So," he continued, "Are you ready to go?"

**xXx**

Damon pushed the wire around their territory up so Elena could crawl underneath. Once upon a time, the wire had been charged, keeping wild animals from entering their grounds. Now it had no use anymore, there hadn't been wild animals in this area for a long time. As the city slowly expanded, their land gradually got surrounded by the ever expanding concrete. He didn't like it at all, that's why he had moved to Australia a few years ago. The fresh air, the nature, the kindness of the people who seemed untouched by all the stress he saw on a daily basis in his own country, damn, he missed that country.

Australia had been his ticket out, his escape. When he'd gotten that job offer, his entire world had changed. It became lighter, brighter, for the first time in as long as he could remember, he'd been happy. Right until she had shown up that was, of course. The pain of his existence. When Elena had asked him about her this morning, it had taken all of his self-control not to snap at her, but he didn't. He'd vowed to himself he would behave from now on.

After their 'incident' in his bedroom, being around her had been difficult. He couldn't tell for sure what had happened when she'd stepped into his room, had he been talking in his sleep? Did she hear anything and if she did, did she put the pieces together? His best guess was she didn't, he figured that if she did, she probably would have brought it up at some point and she hadn't. Unless the part of her that was scared of him, outweigh the part of her that cared, which was also a very real possibility…

After contemplating the best way to approach her for a while, he'd decided that she had not done anything to hurt him, not deliberately anyway. Even during his silent treatment, she'd always made them diner, placing his in front of his room, followed by a soft knock on the door, before she fled the scene. She had stayed kind and polite and had not mentioned a single about his behavior word to Stefan, when they were having one of their long, late evenings calls. So this morning he'd switched things up, giving their friendship another chance. That's how he ended up on the edge of the woods, holding up the wire for Elena.

Elena moved swiftly, gracefully behind him. But he hadn't missed the way her eyes where burning holes into his back whenever she thought he wasn't looking. He knew she was curious about his sudden mood swing, but he didn't feel like explaining himself. When they reached the path, she started walking next to him, asking all sorts of questions about flowers, squirrels, trees, anything impersonal she could come up with. Stefan must have told her about his degree in bio-engineering. Damon didn't mind, he loved talking about his one true passion and he had to admit that is was nice to have someone be interested in him for a change. His brother had always been the golden boy, the smart one, the good one, Damon being the rebellious one, the troublemaker.

Halfway their hike, they finally reached the meadow he had been looking for. Elena's eyes widened in amazement. He understood how she felt: the green grass, the wild flowers, it all looked surreal, like a picture out of a pairlytale.

"This is beautiful," she gushed, twirling around so the wind snuck underneath the dress, fanning the fabric out around her slender body. She was mesmerizing, how had he missed that before? The second she stopped moving, he let his eyes travel over her figure, noticing how that simple white dress hugged her body in all the right places. Her beautiful brown hear, her kind features, those never ending legs, her eyes burning with joy and excitement over this precious place, he couldn't argue with the fact that this girl was quite attractive. He tried recalling how long it had been since he'd looked at someone like that, but it had been so long he couldn't even remember, maybe it was just this place. His thoughts were interrupted when he realized she knew he was staring.

"Sorry," he murmured, averting his eyes as if lighting had stuck.

"It's ok," she replied.

"It's just… your eyes… they reminded me of someone…" he gave away, before realizing his mistake. Now he surely had to elaborate, damn.

"Well then, who do they remind you off?" she questioned curiously.

"My mom." he answered reluctantly, thinking about how stupid that must sound coming out of a grown man's mouth.

She was quiet for a second, probably not knowing how to react. "Stefan never really talked about her, I recall he was very young when she-"

"Two"

"What?"

"Stefan was only two years old when she died, he hardly even remembers her," Damon told her quietly.

"And you? What age were you?"

"I had just turned six."

They were both silent for a while.

"That must have been hard on you, I'm sorry." she spoke softly, meeting his eyes hesitantly, he could see she genuinely meant it.

"It was a long time ago, I've moved on," he continued, wanting to reassure her that he was fine.

"I suppose it was, but that kind of loss, it doesn't just go away. They may say that time heals all wounds, but they never mention the scars, do they?" she replied.

"They don't," he agreed, even though he knew that it hadn't been a question.

Damon's handed her one of the water bottles he had been carrying around in his backpack. His eyes softened a little, realizing they'd just had their first real conversation, about his mom none less. Strangely enough, he was ok. He hardly ever talked about his mother with anyone, it had been years since he'd mentioned her out loud. But today, it had felt good telling Elena, even if it had just been one sentence. Elena seemed to understand, without him having to explain everything out loud, it had been comforting. Maybe he should give her more credit he thought, as they drank their water in companionable silence.

**xXx**

When they were walking side by side, away from the meadow, something had changed between them. Ever since they shared that special moment, the conversations grew more amicable, personal even, they discussed what kind of music they liked, the countries they had visited so far and the ones they'd love to visit in the future and other trivial stuff they didn't know about each other yet. As Damon talked about his favourite types of food, Elena even offered to try all of them out during their next two months together.

Damon started warming up to her, liking the prospect of sharing a house with his new friend for the next two months. He hadn't connected with a girl ever since he was 17, his only friend being a 34 year old history teacher.

As the little path through the bushed narrowed, Elena offered to take the lead, feeling adventurous. She cautiously made her way between their never ending green surroundings, pushing every obstacle out of the way, while still being careful not to disturb the pristine nature. Damon was happy to see her enjoying his favourite forest as much as he did. His father and Stefan never cared for this sort of hiking trips, they liked clean and neat roads. It was his mom who had shown him this beauty, they had shared numerous walks here, Damon always being the one to go first.

Elena's eyes shone with excitement, reminding him of a younger version of himself, as she headed forward. It had worked out perfectly this far, right until she forgot about one of the flexible branches she was holding back, causing it to shoot right into Damon's flesh, cutting him right above his right brow.

"Aw!" Damon yelped, blood started seeping down his face, making a trace all the way down to his shirt, tainting it.

Elena looked over the damage guiltily, before she shot into action, taking her bottle of water and spilling it over her clean handkerchief. As she tiptoed to gain access to his face he turned away, out of her reach.

"Damon, you're hurt, let me help you," she interjected.

"Don't," he shot back, sounding almost angry.

She took his shoulder and turned him around to face her, bringing her hand once again closer to his face in an attempt to clean him up.

"Don't touch me!" he raised his voice, getting more and more worked up.

"You're acting like a baby, you need help, you might even need stitches, let me check!" She was almost yelling now, worried about him, but Damon didn't even notice.

_"Damon, son you're bleeding," his father informed him. Damon hadn't even noticed. Halfway through family dinner, Katherine had slipped her bare foot out of her high heels, brushing it up against his ankles, his calves, his pants… He hated feeling so powerless, defenseless. She was controlling him, having her way with him, while everyone was looking, but there was nothing he could do. He'd thought about telling his father once, he almost did, but Katherine had insured him she'd tell his father he himself had forced himself on her, the manipulative bitch… She'd assured him his father would never believe him over her, she was right. Who would ever believe him, a young man, so much stronger, than the woman in front of him?_

_Of course he could have resisted and he would have, had she not threatened to switch brothers. Stefan was only 13 years old, he had never fallen in love, he hadn't even hit puberty yet. His brother was very smart for his age, but he wasn't interested in anything regarding his body, not yet. Damon couldn't even think about Katherine laying a hand on him, he was still so innocent. So while Stefan was enthusiastically babbling about his project for the science fare, Katherine had been torturing him, right under his father's nose. He'd been so deep in thought that he accidently cut into his finger, instead of in the bread. His father had been right, Damon was bleeding, the cut was pretty deep, but it would heal. This wasn't the kind of hurt he feared._

_"Don't worry sweetheart, I'll take care of you," Katherine stood up from her seat, approaching him._

_"No, you won't," Damon bit back, standing up himself to head for the kitchen._

_"Don't be like that, Damon, you know I can make it all better," giving him another remark full of innuendo only the two of them understood._

_"I do Not want your help, don't touch me!" Damon stated, trying hard to keep from lashing out._

_"Nonsense boy, that looks pretty deep, let Katherine help you with that, go on…" his father insisted, completely oblivious to what was going on between Damon and his smirking wife._

_Katherine gently pushed Damon towards the kitchen door and he felt sick, not just from the loss of blood._

_As she shut the door behind him and took out her white handkerchief, stroking his hand and wiping the red liquid from his fingers, then she took his finger and brought it to her lips, kissing it, running her tongue along the cut. He tried hard to forget what was happening, focusing on her long brown hair, picturing the sea. He barely even felt what she came next, he was under water, the waves crushing over him shielding him from the world above the surface._

Taking advantage of his momentary defeat, Elena reached his face with her handkerchief, in a final attempt to stop the bleeding. Her face was so close he could smell her lavender shampoo. That's when he started noticing the waves, the long brow waves. Suddenly he panicked, violently taking her wrist and jerking it away. His force caused her to fall back, luckily she landed in the bushes.

"Damon!" she exclaimed, massaging her sore wrist, but he didn't care about her, he didn't care about anything. How could he not have notice how much they looked alike? The big brown eyes, the long lashes, her long brown hair, her slender little body. Just an hour ago, his eyes had raked over that body, thinking she was beautiful, but… she looked like her, like the woman who had taken everything from him. Neither of them could be beautiful, she was, they were- … Damon felt disguised with himself, he felt bile rise in his throat, he was sick to his stomach. He had to get out, now! That's when he started running, he needed to get away, faster, further, faster, further, faster, further, fast-

He stumbled, falling to his knees, shaking, he'd been losing a lot of blood, head wounds always heal fairly slowly. He felt like laying down, but he couldn't, not while she was still here. So he stood up and wiped the blood away once again, running all the way home, until he crashed on top of his bed, feeling exhausted, everything ached.

**xXx**

Elena was still on the ground, feeling very dazed. What had just happened? One moment he had been fine and the next… she couldn't even wrap her mind around the situation. When he'd refused her help, she'd thought he was just being macho, but seeing that look in her eyes and focusing once again on her red wrist, she realized she must have missed something. He'd hurt her, he actually, physically hurt her, he could have broken her wrist!

She thought back to their day, everything had been fine, more than fine. They'd bonded, shared stories, he'd even told her about his mother and suddenly it had been like doctor Jekyll had turned into Mister Hyde. His mood swings were giving her whiplash.

She stood up, flexing her muscles, apart from her wrist, she was fine though. She took a look around the forest, no Damon in sight. He just left her, in the middle of nowhere! What if she got lost? Ok, there was only one path and as long as she didn't stray, she'd probably get back to the boarding house rather easily, but still, leaving her was out of line.

As she made her way back, she pondered what might have set Damon off. She tried hard to remember his words. It was something about her touching him, but that could not have been the problem. That was something he said because he was mad, wasn't it? Except, earlier, when he woke up from his nightmare, hadn't he used those exact same words too? It must be a coincidence, that could not be the issue.

Damon was 26, a grown man, so ignoring her for days, hurting her and leaving her alone in a forest, that could definitely not be just because she touched him, talk about overreacting! No, it must be something different… She'd just been trying to help him both times, was that it? Was he so opposed to letting anyone help him that he would react this way? That idea didn't sound any more logical than the previous one.

When she reached the boarding house she started to feel anxious, what should she do? She was trembling slightly when she reached the front door, luckily, he hadn't locked it. The house was quiet, deserted, the curtains were closed and none of the lights were on and Damon, Damon was nowhere to be found. Hesitantly she walked up the stairs, crushing down on top of her covers, feeling completely and utterly alone.

**xXx**

Damon had calmed down a bit, turning down the volume on his IPod a little, though it was still loud enough to block out the entire world surrounding him. Music had been one on his few escapes throughout the past years. The piano riff from R.E.M.'s Nightswimming flew through his headphones for what must be about the twentieth time in a row, it always managed to put him at ease.

The song reminded him of the times his mom would take him to the pond at night, leaving his dad in charge of the baby. His dad had never approved of those trips, that was part of what made them so much fun. The moon would always shine bright above the water, giving the water's surface something magical. His would be clutching his mother's back, clinging to her like she was his life jacket, maybe she had been, in more ways than just one.

Afterwards she'd wrap him up in a warm blanket and carry him home, brushing the hair out of his face right before kissing the top of his head. She'd cared so much for him, he could feel it in every bone of his body. No one ever cared for him like that after she died and his missed her, so much.

_These things, they go away  
Replaced by everyday_

After hearing the song fade out once again, he started wondering about Elena. What had happened in the woods? Why hadn't she just let go of him, like he'd asked her to? Then none of this would have happened. But it did, what now? Was she hurt? He remembers twisting her wrist, he remembered seeing her fall down. But he'd just left, he'd left her alone in the middle of the woods. Did she even know how to get back, what if something happened to her? He would never forgive himself.

He jumped out of his bed, needing to know she was ok. He checked the clock on the nightstand, it had been three hours! She must have gotten home by now. He opened his door and stepped out into the hallway, walking straight up to her room. Should he knock? He had no clue what to say to her, but how else would he know she was ok?

Suddenly he heard her voice, weakened by the thick door of her room, but it was there. Relieve coursed through him. He decided to put his ear to the timber, of course he knew it wasn't nice, but he needed some reassurance she was ok.

"… I don't even know how it happened, one minute we were having a great time and the next everything was shot to hell…"

Who was she talking to? Stefan? He'd heard them calling a few times already, but normally she'd call in the living room. Why was she suddenly calling in her room?

"… So I reached up to wipe the blood away, you should've seen it, it was such a bad cut…"

Oh right, his cut, he reached up to touch his face. There was dried blood everywhere, he'd completely forgotten about that. He walked over to the bathroom to clean himself up. It still hurt a little, but it could have been worse of course. When he was walking back through the hallway, he passed her room once more, she was still talking. He was so curious about what she was thinking, he couldn't help but listen in on her conversation again.

"… Why would he do that? I mean, I just wanted to help! Afterwards he just left me, alone, he didn't even try to come up with an excuse. Before I realized what had happened, he was already long gone…" Her voice sounded muffled, was she crying? He felt guilty for the way he'd behaved. He was just thinking about how he could make this up to her, when he suddenly heard her say: "I think something happened to him, there must be something I'm missing. People don't just snap into such hostile versions of themselves for no apparent reason. All I did was touch his face. I wonder how he got this way."

Damon started to get mad, who the hell was she to start psychoanalysing him, with his brother of all people! It's not like he had a problem with Stefan, he didn't hate him or anything, but the relationship between the two brothers had always been tense. Part of Damon blamed his brother for what Katherine had done, if Stefan hadn't been there to be the perfect blackmail-material, Katherine might have left him alone. On top of that, Stefan had always been his father's favorite. Actually, pretty much everyone who knew them both, preferred Stefan over Damon and Elena seemed to be no exception. It's not that Damon needed to be best, or most loved or anything, he just wished that for once in his life, people would stop comparing them.

"He literally grabbed my wrist, I thought he was gonna break it, I was so scared…" That manipulative little bitch! Taking behind his back like that, pinning his own brother against him! Stefan would surely tell their father, maybe he'd get kicked out of his own house because of her, he wasn't feeling guilty one second longer, he was seeing red.

He swung the door open with one swift movement: "Who the hell do you think you are, you little manipulative instigator?" he demanded, yelling at her.

Elena just stared at him, her big brown eyes wide with shock and disbelief.

"Don't act all innocent, I heard you talking to my brother, informing him of how horrible his big brother had been to you. What do you want Elena? Is your knight in shining armour going to tell on me? Is he going to inform my father, so the old man can kick me out and you'll have the house back to yourself, is that it? 'Cause if it is, you could've just asked; I'd have left you happily!" Damon spit out enraged.

Elena didn't know what hid her or how to respond. What was happening? Where did he get all of this? "Have you been eavesdropping?" she replied, getting more frustrated by the second as the false accusations piled up.

"Maybe I have, what's it to you? Not so brave now huh, now I'm standing in front of you? What's the problem? Nothing to say while we're standing face to face? Of course not, you prefer yapping to Stefan behind my back, don't you?" he shot back, not even caring about the fact that he'd admitted he had been eavesdropping.

"I wasn't talking to Stefan," she replied, eyes darkening.

Damon was taking aback for just a second: "Who were you talking to, then?" he wondered.

"My parents, "she replied, a little softer than before.

"Of course you were," Damon raised his voice again. "Why didn't I think of that, that is just so stupid of me! Of course little Elena went to go call her good old daddy, telling the concerned, loving father that his sweet, little girl had gotten hurt in the woods by a big bad man! Sure! You've only known me for what? A week? And you've already figured me all out, haven't you? Did it ever cross your mind that I didn't mean to hurt you and that I came up to your room to apologize and make it up to you?"

"Damon, it's not like that-" Elena tried to intersect.

"Not like what Elena? You know who's not like that? MY father! While yours comforts his sweet little daughter and offers her a shoulder to cry on, I've had to fend for myself for over twenty years now and contrary to you, I actually have very real problems and a very real past. I wasn't raised with rainbows and unicorns, I had a hard time, a really hard time. You might think about that before you start jugging people you don't even now and surely before you call home, some of us don't have a home!"

That was it, everything that had been building up inside him, just out in the open. He didn't care that she knew his life hadn't been perfect, this was necessary. She needed to realize that not all people came from perfect, happy families.

"I wasn't calling my dad," she answered dryly, not bothering to say explain herself. What kind of game was she playing?

"Your dad, your mom, your dog for all I care, that's really beside the point, the point is-"

Elena interrupted him: "Yes, Damon, what is the point exactly?" she asked defiantly.

Damon felt the madness boil up once again, was this ever going to end: "Damn it Elena! The point is that you're a self-absorbed, spoiled brat who doesn't understand!"

"Doesn't understand what Damon? That life is not perfect? That it sucks? That we lose people we care about and that in the end we're all alone in this world? Is that what I don't understand? Because I do, better than you think, what was that you said about judging people before you know their story?" Elena added rhetorically.

"Why would you understand?" Damon inquired, not understanding yet where this conversation was heading.

"Because those parents who I was just talking to, that good old daddy you were talking about, he won't be around to comfort his sweet, little girl. It's hasn't been that way for a while now and it won't be ever again. You want to know why? Because they're both dead. When I turned seventeen, our car crashed. It slipped of the road into the water and I watched them both drown before I lost consciousness. For your information, it takes over a minute to fill a car with water, we all knew what was coming as soon as we realized we couldn't get out. In the end I felt my mom's hand loosen her grip on mine as she ran out of oxygen, so yes Damon, I do know about loss. Now get – out – of – my - room." Elena spoke slowly. She was fighting back tears, to no avail.

Damon was perplexed, frozen onto the hard wooden floor. Damn. He had made a big mistake. She was right, who was he to start judging people when he was shouting about not wanting to be judged himself? How did it get this far? He looked up at Elena, feeling very, very bad. She stared right back at him, her eyes cold, calculated. What should he do? What could he say? A plain and simple sorry wasn't going to cut it, not this time.

"Elena…" he started tentatively.

"I said: get - out." she replied calculated, threatening.

Damon just kept standing there, desperately looking for the right words, but there weren't any.

"GET OUT!" she yelled, losing her composure, she couldn't take it anymore, not with him here and not tonight.

Damon slowly turned around, closing her door gently before crashing down against it. His body felt limb, his mind was racing, one question coursing through his mind on loop: What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?

******xXx**


	3. Apologize

**Long story short: I just wanted to thank all of you for reading and supporting the story and there will be many more chapters in return!**

_**xXx**_

_What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?_

There were so many thoughts coursing through his head right now. The first thing that came to mind was that he'd made a terrible mistake. She was not the girl he thought she was. He had been dead wrong! Barging into a room that wasn't his, after eavesdropping, screaming and shouting at an innocent girl who had only been talking to her parents, her dead parents… How low could you go? O, right, he had also sprouted a bunch of false allegations while HE had been the one leaving her all alone in the woods to begin with. This was a big mess. How could he ever fix this?

The worst thing of all was that there was something different about Elena, she had made him smile today, made him feel comfortable enough to talk about his mother. This girl wasn't like any other girl, she seemed to understand him, even though they'd only just met. He felt stupid for losing her before even realizing they could really be friends. He never even let himself enjoy her company and now he had finally decided she was worth his attention, it was too late…

**xXx**

Two hours later, Elena still hadn't come out of her room, not even to pick up the dinner Damon had left in front of her door. Disappointed with himself, he went back to his room, it was too early to go to bed but he didn't know what to do with himself. Maybe he could just go up to her room himself and tell her how sorry he was. Damon had never really apologized to anyone before, it just didn't fit his personality, but today had to, he needed to, for Elena. He walked back into the long hallway, slowly making his way up to Elena's room. Everything was quiet, maybe she was sleeping.

He waited a few seconds, he couldn't knock just yet, what was he supposed to say? He was sorry for overreacting, sorry for leaving her alone today, sorry for hurting her and for leashing out like that, but in order for her to forgive him, she was going to need an explanation for his erratic behavior, an explanation he couldn't give her. Apart from the fact that he was sorry for today, he was also sorry to hear about her past. He knew how much it hurt to lose a parent and he couldn't imagine what it must have been like seeing them slip away in front of her eyes. He hadn't missed her tears when she told him about the car accident, it made him want to comfort her, want to take away her pain, but there wasn't anything he could do right now. Damon felt utterly helpless, there were so many things he wanted to tell her, if only he knew how. He was always the one with the sarcastic comments at the ready, now it mattered however, he found himself short on words. Damn. He let his body slide back against her doorframe for the second time that day. There he was, back to the start, back to where he had been sitting three hours ago, yet nowhere closer to the answers he was looking for.

Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by the doorbell, who could that possibly be? He pushed himself back on his feet and walked down the stairs. When the heavy wooden door swung open it revealed a beautiful fair haired man who looked close to his thirties. What was doing here? Damon's eyes swept over the man's delicate features, appraising him until the man moved his hand forward.

" Good evening mister Salvatore, my name is Elijah Mikaelson. I'm here to pick up Elena"

Damon shook his hand shortly and firmly, squeezing just a little too hard. He felt confused. What was this man planning with Elena, was he her boyfriend or something? Where they going on a date, or did he just decide to pop by?

Instead of giving Elijah a polite smile and going upstairs to find Elena, he just stood there.

"Does she know you were coming by?" he questioned.

"She does, Elena and I are going bowling with a couple of our friends, could you inform her I'm here please?" Elijah replied reserved, yet still polite.

"Of course," Damon said bitterly, before he made his way upstairs, refusing to invite Elijah in.

When he reached her room, he knocked on her door. "Elena?"

There was no response from the other side. "Elena, your friend Elijah is here to take you bowling," he spoke a little louder, trying hard to hide the bitterness in his voice, though his efforts were in vain.

"Shit," he heard her mutter, followed by "Let him know I'll be down in five minutes," she yelled from the other side of the door, without any further explanation. "Guess I deserved that," Damon muttered to himself, making his way back to the beautiful man downstairs.

"She said to tell you she'd be here in five minutes," Damon informed Elijah. The man nodded in acknowledgement.

After an awkward silence Damon's curiosity got the better of him. "So, Elijah, are you Elena's boyfriend?" he inquired.

"No, we are just dating," Elijah replied, it was clear by his tone that he wished he could provide him with a different reply. Damon nodded, pleased with the answer, having all the information he needed for now.

After a few more awkward minutes, Elena joined the man on the front porch. "I'm ready," she stated softly. Both men looked at her in awe, she was wearing high black boots and tight pants, her top was cut out low, revealing just the right amount of cleavage. When Elijah didn't respond immediately, she stepped forward, taking his arm hesitantly before pulling him along towards the car, leaving behind a dazed Damon.

**xXx**

As soon as Damon closed the door, Elena let go of Elijah's hand. "Are you ok?" he asked politely. "I'm fine, it's been a long day, that's all," Elena replied kindly. She stepped into the car and put her seatbelt on. She was silent during the drive, listening attentively to Elijah, who was telling her about an art expedition he had attended. When they finally arrived on the parking of the bowling establishment, Caroline was already waiting for them.

"Elena!" she exclaimed, "You're here!" Elena rolled her eyes at the exuberant blond.

"Of course I am, where else would I be?"

"Ow, I don't know, enjoying yourself with Stefan's hot brother maybe? How is he, tell me! I want details Elena!" she continued, not bothering to cover up her curiosity.

Before Elena had a chance to think of a way to evade the questions, Caroline's boyfriend, Klaus intervened and pulled her into a quick hug. "Hi, Elena, it's been a while," he intersected "How have you been doing?"

"Fine," Elena replied, grateful for the distraction, "What about you two?"

Caroline happily started babbling about their trip to Europe, her previous curiosity completely forgotten as she explained all about the various cities they visited. Elijah gently put his hand on the small of Elena's back, guiding her into the building. It didn't really bother Elena, thought she felt nothing but friendship for him, so she decided to go with it. Elijah and Elena had met when Caroline had tried to set them up together. Caroline was a real matchmaker. Being one of Elena's oldest friends, she thought it was about time for Elena to find her one and only, who better than her boyfriend's brother, than they could double date all the time.

Elena rolled her eyes at the thought, she had never seen Elijah that way, as a possible boyfriend. But he was kind and caring, not to mention a great friend to talk to. She didn't know how he felt about her, she'd always assumed he thought of her as a good friend too, though she wasn't sure in this particular moment. She shrugged the thought away, her life was complicated enough as it was right now.

**xXx**

Damon walked into the local bar, in the mood for some serious drinking. Minutes after Elena had left, he'd called his best friend Alaric to meet up. He hadn't seen Alaric since Ric visited him in Australia over a year ago, but that didn't matter. The two of them shared a special connection. They didn't need words to gather how the other one was doing, nor did either of them feel the need to rehash the other ones past, in other words, they had the perfect friendship according to Damon.

Once upon a time, Alaric had been a happily married man. He'd met a woman with a child and they had been together for quite some time until one day she just left, taking her little girl along with her. Alaric had tried finding them to no avail, since the girl wasn't his, he didn't have any legal right to her either. A lot had changed in that one year...

Damon knew Alaric still had a picture of them both in his wallet, but he never mentioned it, just like Alaric never mentioned Stefan, Katherine or his parents. Damon never told Alaric about his past, but every once in a while he let a thing or two slip after a long night and way too much alcohol. It wasn't enough for Alaric to know what had happened to him, but it was enough to make him realize that it had been pretty bad. So when Alaric walked into the bar and took up his regular spot on the barstool next to Damon, they sat in compatible silence for a while before one of them spoke.

"So, the weather was bad today, huh?" Alaric asked after a while, clearly not talking about the temperature.

"Yeah it was," Damon agreed, tilting his glass of bourbon to Alaric's, "Cheers."

"Want to talk about it?" Alaric asked.

"There's not really anything to talk about, really, it's done, there's nothing more I can do," he spoke, his voice full of intonation due to the bourbon.

"That bad? What did you do, you dumbass?" Alaric wondered, genuinely curious.

"You're going to loooove this," Damon answered, drawing out the word.

"First of all, I took Stefan's housemate to the woods, where I told her her eyes reminded me of my mothers."

"Ow my-" Alaric rolled his eyes.

"Then I took her on one of the old trails, where a branch gave me a cut. She tried to clean up the blood, but I wouldn't let her… In the end she touched me so I kind of twisted her wrist and pushed her onto the ground before I-"

"You twisted that poor girls wrist for trying to clean you up?" Alaric intersected.

Damon nodded and added with a sly smile: "That was before I ran off and left her alone in those woods."

"Wow, you really did messed up big time…" Alaric commented.

"You haven't even heard the best part yet," Damon informed him bitterly.

"And that is?" Alaric asked.

"Well, afterwards, I went up to her room and heard her talking to someone. So I listened in to her commenting about our trip to the woods. When I barged in furiously and gave her my piece of mind about talking to Stefan behind my back, she coldly informed me that she wasn't talking to Stefan. Turns out she was talking to her parents, her dead parents."

"Ow, burn mate," Alaric said, agreeing with Damon that this was indeed pretty bad. "So, what are you planning to do about it?" Alaric questioned him.

"Drink, isn't that the obvious solution?" Damon explained Alaric as if his friend had the IQ of a uncooked potato.

Alaric rolled his eyes before ordering them both another round.

**xXx**

"I won!" Caroline chided, not noticing the way Elijah winked at Klaus, who had just purposefully missed the remaining cones, just like his brother had before him. There was a ghost of a smile on Elena's lips as she watched the secret exchange between the brothers, they could be really sweet sometimes. They ordered some more drinks and sat down in one of the booths away from the bowling alley.

When Caroline was occupied with Klaus for a moment, Elijah turned to Elena. "You are unusually quiet today, are you sure everything is ok?" he asked her, sounding genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine, it's just, something strange happened today and I haven't figured out how to deal with it yet," she answered him truthfully. She secretly wanted to talk to someone about everything that had happened, but it felt wrong somehow, like she would be betraying Damon if she did.

"Would you like to tell me?" Elijah proposed, trying not to pressure her in any way.

"I want to," she started, "It's just… I can't." she replied, confusing both him and herself.

Elijah didn't press the issue, though she knew he was curious.

"Do you know that feeling, when you know something is up with someone, but you can't figure out what it is or how to help them?" she wondered.

Elijah laughed out loud "I think I do," he replied with a smile, referring to their current dialogue.

Elena smiled back at him, "How do you deal with something like that?" she asked him.

"Well, first of all, you must accept that not everything is about your curiosity. Sometimes your friends are not ready to talk about what's haunting them. Then all you can do is offer your friendship. Pressuring people into talking might do more harm than good, you see. Furthermore, spending time together and letting them know that you are there whenever they need you, is the most important thing in my opinion. What do you think?"

Elena gave him a grateful smile, Elijah always knew what to say to her when she needed help. "I think you're right and I think you're the best friend any of us can wish for," she replied him kindly.

When he drove her back to the boarding house later that evening, she thought about what he'd said and how it applied to her own problems. She was confused, on one hand she was still mad at Damon for the words he'd said earlier that day, when he'd thought she was calling Stefan. On the other hand, she realized there was so much more to him than meets the eye. Damon was not just like any other man, but he wasn't a bad person either. She wanted to know what made him so guarded and distrustful. Elijah was right however, her curiosity was not the most important thing in this case. If she wanted to know what was going on with Damon, she would have to do it on his terms, as soon as she decided to forgive him of course.

**xXx**

On the other side of the city, a young hot blonde was making her way over to Damon. She was eying him like he was a piece of candy. She clearly wasn't looking for a meaningful conversation of any kind, just what he needed. Damon picked up on her flirtations and Alaric gave him a knowing glace, it was time for them to go their separate ways. He finished his glass of bourbon and left the bar, giving Damon one last wink before closing the door behind him.

Damon took the young blonde's hand and led her to the dance floor, it was a matter of minutes before they found a steady rhythm, moving to the beat as if they were one single organism. Their bodies touched with every movement but Damon didn't care. It didn't make him flinch, nor did he feel the need to get away.

Whenever his past would come back to haunt him, Damon would resort to his kind of company. It proved to him that he was normal, that there was nothing wrong with him. 'He could be touched, he could feel a body against his, he could even touch her back, he was fine.' It were always the same thoughts that swam through his mind like a mantra in this kind of situation. Right there on the dance floor he felt like a real man, acting like the womanizer he used to be so long ago. He was young and attractive as hell, that was the Damon he wanted everyone to see.

After more grinding she got even closer than before, trying to capture his lips. He averted his gaze, purposely not meeting her hungry eyes. She wanted to kiss him. There was nothing wrong with kissing, right? It seemed like the normal thing to do. He could do it, of course he could, he was 26 years old and single, furthermore: she was hot, what was he waiting for? He tilted his head back to hers, determined, this was going to work, it had to.

When her lips touched his, he reminded himself he was in control, she was his, not the other way around. There were no feelings involved, she did not want anything of his, nor did he plan on getting personal with her. He kissed her back, sloppily, a little affected by the alcohol he'd consumed. Even when she slipped her tongue passed his lips, he didn't stop her, not this time, this time he would finish what he started.

"Do you wanna come back to my place?" she whispered in his ear.

Damon was confused for a second. Did he? He hadn't 'gone over to a girl's place' in years, not in the way she meant it at least. Maybe he should, a _normal_ man would, wouldn't he? He leaned closer to her and whispered seductively "I'd love to," before twirling her around and leading her to the exit.

Since she came by taxi, they took his car back to her place. Damon felt a little nervous, snapping his fingers one too many times while making his way to her front door, it was a tick he'd developed over the years. "Are you coming?" she asked him, as he hovered in the hallway.

Damon looked her over once more, suddenly she wasn't that attractive anymore. He didn't really feel like getting into bed with her and thought about getting back into his car. No! He was going to finish it this time, he had to, enough excuses. He did not have a problem! Ever since the incidents with Elena, he needed to prove to himself more than ever that there was nothing going on, he was perfectly fine. Just a normal guy who hadn't had sex in over five years, because he just hadn't met anyone he liked of course. _Yeah Right_.

As soon as he entered her bedroom, there was more kissing, the stepped back a little until his knees bumped into the bed. The girl in front of him started unzipping her dress, he helped her out of it. Then her hands moved to his body, roaming his clothed chest. He kept telling himself it was fine, that he wanted this. When her hands lowered to his abdomen, he stopped them dead in their tracks.

"Is there a bathroom I could use?" he questioned politely.

The girl sighed exasperated and pointed to the door behind her, Damon headed for the door instantly, not bothering to give her a second look or an explanation.

Once he was safely inside, he locked the door and sprayed his face with some cold water. He needed to sit down, just for a little while. He thought about the girl in the other room, she reminded him of a girl he used to date, Emily.

Amy had been great, she was sexy, funny… everybody loved her. They had been friends for a while before they started dating, he was 21 at the time. She was the first girl he kissed after he got away from… home.

_"Damon, stop tickling me!" she yelled, while running away from him through their beautiful garden._

_"No can do, babe," he quipped back while running after her._

_It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining brightly and the smell of flowers had filled the humid summer air. A few seconds later they were both rolling onto the freshly mowed grass. He took her by the hand and led her to a secluded place between the trees and kissed her lips, gently, lovingly. She kissed him back, her hand roaming his body. He always felt nervous when she did that, it's not that he didn't like her, it was just… he could explain what it was, but it didn't feel the way it used to._

_When her finger started to fidget with his belt, he caught her hand in his and kissed the top of her fingers. "No like this," he whispered and went back to kissing her._

_"But I want to," she pouted._

_"You deserve better," he replied while cradling her check and giving her an apologetic smile._

_"You are too honorable sometimes, you know?" she asked him, oblivious to the fact that he wasn't doing this just for her._

That had been their last trip before they'd broken up. When Damon had told her he wasn't in love anymore, Emily had been crushed. She hadn't talked to him after that day and he had lost his best friend. It had hurt, badly, though not as bad as having to tell her the truth. He did love Amy, he just couldn't, couldn't get himself to behave like a _normal_ man.

The blonde knocked on the door, pulling his out of his reverie, "Are you ok in there?" she asked. Damon opened the door, took his jacked from the nightstand and yelled "Yes" on his way out of her house. Today was not the day…

On the drive home he went over the evening again, trying to realize where it went wrong. One moment he had been ready to sleep with her, he really did. Who was he kidding? He wasn't ready, nor would he ever be again. Dammit! He hit the steering wheel hard with his hand, making the car swerve a little. Self-loathing started spreading in his veins, followed by pure hatred for the woman who'd made him this way… Katherine. He used to love sex and she took that from him, it wasn't fair. Now he was this crazy control freak who couldn't even have one-night stands, what had happened to him? He couldn't even remember how good it used to feel, all those memories where overshadowed by darker ones. Damn that woman.

**xXx**

Half an hour later he reached the boarding house, it was two in the morning when he fell onto the sofa. It had been a really long day. He didn't want to go to sleep though, that would most certainly mean more nightmares and he couldn't take any of those, not right now. So he glanced around the living room, his eyes sweeping over the old furniture: the oak table, the bookshelves, the piano and the fireplace. Wait, the piano.

He made his way over to the old instrument, gently lifting the lid to reveal the black and white keys underneath. They smelled just like they always had, old and musky. The smell was reminder of the many times he had played on his mom's lap. She was the one that taught him how to play and the reason he had gotten lessons. It was a bit ironic though, she died five days before he had his first class…

His father never approved of his passion for music, playing an instrument wouldn't make them any money, contrary to studying and hard labor. Still, Damon played whenever he could, for her, for the only woman who had never let him down. His fingers touched the keys and he started one of his favorite songs, it was called comptine d'une autre été, by a French composer called Yann Tiersen, it was a mesmerizing piece. As his fingers found their way and produced the most beautiful sound, he got swept away in the moment, closing his eyes and continuing easily without vision, he knew this piece by hearth.

When he opened his eyes again, after playing the very last note, he heard the wood of the large staircase crack underneath two bare feet, Elena. He must have woken her up. His mind started racing, what should he do? What could he say? He needed to apologize, to tell her how sorry he was, but the list was too long and there seemed to be now beginning. She just stared at him, not saying a word. What should he do? What should he do? What should he do?

Then his fingers started moving and everything clicked into place. Elena's lip curled up in a ghost of a smile as Coldplay's Scientist filled the boarding house. Damon closed his eyes again, giving himself over to the only music that seemed to fit the circumstances. He played his hearth out, making her listen to all the things he couldn't say out loud.

Elena descended the stairs, making her way over to the sofa where she took a stray quilt and curled into a ball. She closed her eyes laying her head down on the soft fabric, listening closely to the magical piano.

Damon played a little while longer, before pulling the lid on the instrument back down and strolling over to the fireplace. Elena looked peaceful with her eyes closed, he gently covered her again with the quilt that had fallen down in the midst of his last song. Her eyes fluttered open again as he positioned himself on the far end of the sofa. She looked him straight into the eyes.

"I'm sorry, Elena," he told her earnestly.

"For what exactly?" she asked him. It wasn't a statement, or an accusation, it sounded like a genuine question.

"The list is pretty long, you know," he replied with a sad smile that did not touch his eyes.

"I think I better start with the morning I got mad at you in my bedroom, then there was the incident in the woods, followed by my outburst in your bedroom… That reminds me: I'm also sorry for what happened to your parents."

There was a long silence. Damon didn't know what else to say.

"Thank you," Elena replied "for apologizing," she added.

Damon nodded his head, short on words once again.

"Can I ask you one question?" Elena asked him.

"Of course," he answered back.

"Do you think there will ever come a day when you will be able to tell me why you did those things?" she questioned. She was careful not to demand an explanation, keeping Elijah's wise words in mind.

"I don't really talk about it," Damon answered truthfully.

"I get that," Elena replied, "I had my fair share of dark secrets not that long ago actually. It's ok to be a private person, it really is, but I think you should know that sharing things with other people could help you sometimes. Don't get me wrong here, I don't want to pressure you into confiding things you want to keep to yourself, I just want you to know that it can be liberating sometimes."

Another sad smile crossed Damon's features "Not all things are conversation material, you know…"

"I do know, I told you a few hours ago about the car crash, that certainly wasn't conversation material," she replied.

"It isn't," he acknowledged, "It brave of you, to be able to talk about things like that," he added.

"You could do it too Damon, if I can do it, so can you," Elena told him.

"I wouldn't even know where to begin," he answered wistfully.

"Then why don't you start someplace you feel safe? I find that it helps when you start at a memory you are comfortable with and go from there."

Damon looked into her brown eyes, she was actually trying to help him. He tried remembering how they ended up having this kind of conversation and came up blank. But here they were, in the middle of the night, talking about some very sensitive subjects and the strange thing was, he didn't even feel that uncomfortable, not yet anyway.

"My past might be a shade too dark to unload onto another person, I wouldn't want to burden anyone else with it any more then I'd like to talk about it myself," he explained.

Elena gave him a supportive smile. He'd just told her something personal. For starters she knew that there was indeed something up and that it had to do with his past. Furthermore, he did not stop the conversation yet, meaning that there was a chance of him allowing her to help. As the thought crossed Elena's mind she noticed how she started to like the man in front of her. She had been right, he was definitely not a monster, he had just been experienced some bad things, just like her. Maybe they could be friends after all.

"Maybe it's just too much to share with someone all at once. Rome wasn't build in a day either you know? Maybe it would work better if you learn how to share things bit by bit, day by day, like when you talked about your mom in the meadow. We have over 60 days left before classes start again. You could just exercise with me, telling me something when you feel like it, a little bit more every day?" she suggested.

He smiled as she quoted the Morcheeba song, but still wasn't convinced. "It's kind that you would like to help and I do appreciate the gesture, but I don't think I can," he told her.

She turned her eyes to the floor, looking slightly disappointed. "Don't you ever wonder what could happen if you could let go of your past?" Elena inquired. "I most certainly did. Your past is casting a shadow on your future, it's holding you back. I know you don't want to admit it, I didn't want to either, but sometimes you have to decide that you want change. I get that this is not what you want to hear, but someone has to tell you. If you should decide that you want to try something different, I will be there to help, just so you know…" her voice trailed off.

"Thank you for your concern," he shot back, his tone a little more bitter. He knew she was only trying to help but he still didn't like feeling this vulnerable. She didn't reply, she just closed her eyes again, laying her head back onto the sofa. Damon took a few minutes to think about her words.

If today had taught him anything, it was that his past did affect his present, she had been right about that. She'd also told him that it was possible to move on, he didn't believe her though, how could he ever move on? On the other hand, Elena apparently had and she had a pretty dark past herself. Though her experience had been completely different from his, she did understand the concept of pain, fear, helplessness… Maybe they were more alike than he thought. The fact that she had somehow found peace with what happened suddenly spiked his curiosity, if she could indeed teach him how to do that, he could really be _normal_, fall in love, have a girlfriend, a wife, even a family. It sounded more tempting then he liked to admit to himself. If he decided to take her up on her offer, it would certainly be difficult, embarrassing even, but the prospect of getting his old life back…

"Elena?"

"Yes."

"I-, I'll do it."

******xXx**


	4. Death and all his friends

**Hi dear readers, thank you for tuning in again and furthermore: enjoy!**

**xXx**

The next morning, Damon woke up to smell of freshly baked pancakes. When he walked into the kitchen, Elena was dancing with a red apron on and white flour stains all over her maroon dress. "Good morning Damon!", she yelled over the loud music, coming from her IPod. "Good morning to you too," he smiled and added "What's got you all chipper?" Elena just shrugged and continued shaking the bottle in her hand to the beat of the music. When the song stopped, she opened the lid of the bottle and poured the dough out of it, into the frying pan. Another minute later, she turned the freshly made pancake, before gently sliding it onto the plate where her earlier work was piling up.

"How many people are you expecting?" Damon asked her, looking amused at the pile. "I might have miscalculated just a little, but hey, I can always ask Caroline over," she replied cheerfully. "If you have some left, could I take some to Ric this afternoon? We are going sailing and the sea always makes me hungry." "Sure, knock yourself out!" Elena answered.

As soon as her new round of dough was all fried, she put her music down a little and set the table for the both of them. "What do you like on your pancake?" Elena asked Damon. "Mmm, it's been such a long time… I can't think of what I would like to have, why don't you make me the first thing that comes to mind?" he suggested, walking over to the counter to make them both coffee.

Elena smiled a secret smile and ducked into a low cupboard, reaching for the jar of crushed nuts. With back to the counter, shielding Damon from his plate, she drew a spider web of honey onto the warm pancake, added some crushed nuts and neatly folded the pancake closed, presenting it to Damon with a smirk. "What did you put inside?" he inquired curiously. "You'll have to taste, mister Salvatore," Elena quipped back.

Damon took a first bite and his eyes opened wide in wonder. He looked at her with utter disbelief. "How did you know?" he demanded. "Know what?" Elena replied innocently. "The honey and the nuts, the exact same nuts we used to eat at home, in Italy. They don't even sell them here in the States, not with this taste anyway," he asked. "They are Stefan's favorite, he brings them home every time he visits your father in Europe," Elena replied.

"I don't understand, this is the way our mother used to make them. By the time Stefan was old enough for pancakes, she was already gone…" his voice trailed off.

"Stefan always insists that they should be made like this, apparently you used to make them for his birthdays," Elena explained.

"Did he tell you that?" Damon asked, taken aback by her revelation.

"No Damon, I guessed as much. OF COURSE he told me, how else would I know?" she replied.

"I-, I just didn't think he remembered, it was so long ago and I stopped doing it when-"

"After he turned 12," Elena finished for him.

"Yes," he confirmed, "How did you know?"

"Stefan told me a few weeks before his 13th birthday your father met someone new and from then on, there were no more pancakes," Elena replied, oblivious to the fact that Damon cringed slightly at her words.

"Did he tell you why?" Damon asked, stunned by the fact that Elena knew such details about their past and a bit curious to what his brother had given her as an explanation.

"He never gave me a specific reason, he just said that things started changing in general when your stepmom moved in. That the two of you started growing apart since then," Elena revealed cautiously.

"DO NOT call her my stepmom!" Damon snapped venomously.

"Ok. Understood. I'm sorry," Elena replied hastily, scared to get him mad again.

"I'm sorry," Damon said a little softer, after seeing her flinch during his outburst, "it's just, that was not a good time and me and her, we don't get along."

Elena let out a breath she was holding, calming down a bit. "Why do you think you and Stefan grew apart?" She knew it was a risky question, but she had to know.

"What did Stefan tell you?" Damon inquired.

"He has a few ideas, not sure if you agree, or if you want to know. Maybe you two should talk about this yourselves…" she told him.

"Since apparently, Stefan likes to talk to you, you probably know enough about our relationship to realize the two of us won't be having any kind of heart to heart anytime soon," he smirked, thinking of the way they avoided each other like the plague. This was just another example: Damon moving into the boarding house, meant Stefan moving back home for the summer.

"I still think I shouldn't be talking about this, I was not there and I only got his side of the story…" Elena resisted his probing question.

"I'm not going to tell him whatever you tell me, I'm just curious," Damon urged her.

"Well, what he told me does not make you look bad in any kind of way, so I don't see the harm in telling you," she started, looking up at Damon who was eying her expectantly.

"Stefan is always very positive about you when talking about his childhood, he told me numerous times you always used to cover for him when he broke a vase or ran through the house with muddy feet. He remembers you always taking care of him: reading him a bedtime story, making him pancakes for his birthday, taking him to the woods to play. You were his one big hero when he was growing up. Then suddenly, things changed. He thinks it's because you both got older, as soon as you turned 17 you spent as little time at home as you could and he was 13 by then, he didn't _need_ a babysitter anymore, although he did miss your care for a long time. Stefan never blamed you for anything however. By then he was twice the age you were, when your started taking care of him after all and of course there was your stepmom… Sometimes he wonders if you thought he didn't need you anymore since there was a woman to take care of you two than…"

Damon's was seeing red: "She DID NOT take care of us!"

"Ok," Elena whispered shocked, "I wasn't implying she did, you told me you wanted to know what Stefan thought…"

"Just don't ever mention her again. You think you could do that?" Damon demanded, his tone a bit softer than earlier.

"Of course, it won't happen again," she assured him, making a mental not to NEVER go there again. "Would you excuse me, I would like to take a shower now," Elena stated, before walking out the door, eager to get away from the tension in the room.

**xXx**

Damon started cleaning the table and putting the dishes in the sink, processing the new information. He'd never thought about what Stefan might have experienced when Katherine came around. He had been struggling so hard himself, that it never came to mind to protect Stefan from things like loneliness, there had been dangers far worse to fend off at the time. Luckily Katherine had never laid a hand on Stefan, he had found a way out of the dark for both of them by the time he was old enough to leave. From his point of view, he had always been the protective big brother he set out to be, but since Stefan missed a few crucial pieces to the puzzle, he might think differently about that. Deep down, it would be nice if Stefan could know that Damon had always been there, but that was not a possibility. If you really cared about someone, wasn't it better to let them hate you rather than hurt them with an awful truth? Regardless of the answer, there was no option in this case, what happened with Katherine would always be his secret, he couldn't bare the idea of anyone knowing. Why was he thinking of this again? "_Stop,"_ he told himself. _"Think about something else. Anything… Sailing with Ric in a few hours, the pancakes Elena had made, Elena…"_ His mind got back to the day in the woods, the fun they had had, her dress, the sun, the woods… the twig, the blood, her hair… and there he was: back to Katherine.

Exasperated he walked over to the piano, sat down on the old stool and started playing the one song that could ease his mind like nothing else. _Nightswimming, deserves a quiet night… _He played the riff over and over, reciting the lyrics in his head. When he was done, he started all over again, always the same notes, soothing, calming…

Suddenly Elena was back, listening intently to the notes he was playing.

"You must really like that song," she murmured.

"Why?" he questioned.

"Because you've been playing that same riff for over half an hour now," she explained, a smile across her lips.

"I do."

"Are you such a big fan of R.E.M., or is it just this song?" she wondered.

"A little of both I guess, it's a great group of course, but this song, it works for me," he replied.

"In what way?" she asked him.

"It's soothing, always the same melody, it calms me down," he explained, not mentioning the memories attached to the song. This song was his antidote for anything Katherine-related. It reminded him of a time before he knew about her, a time when he had genuinely been happy and carefree. There was no bottling the past, but this was his way to bring it back, even if it was just for a few moments.

"So, what are we doing today?" Elena asked him, changing the subject.

"We? I didn't know we were spending the day together," Damon told her, holding back a smile.

Elena flushed, "I-, I just…" she stammered, not finding the right words to explain what she was thinking.

Damon's lips curled up a little, amused by her shyness. "I was planning on sailing with a friend of mine, I thought I mentioned that already," he said.

"Oh, right, you did, I'm sorry," Elena answered, still red from embarrassment.

"You could always join if you want to," Damon suggested.

Elena looked up surprised "I don't want to impose on you and your friend," she started.

"It's nothing, really, before I left for Australia I used to go every other week, besides: Ric will be delighted if I bring a women on board," he added with a wink.

Elena felt the heat rush back to her cheeks. Did she want this? She had never sailed before, but she had wanted to find out what it was like, for as long as she could remember. When her parents had been alive, they would spend their summers at a lake house, where they would tread the water with a rubber boat, she liked boats. On the other hand there was Damon. Was it smart to spend the day with him away from home? What if he flipped his switch again? After careful consideration, she decided it was worth the risk, this was another opportunity to get to know a bit more about Damon and if he did leave her stranded she could always call Elijah.

"Ok, when do we leave?" she asked.

"In half an hour, if that's ok with you," Damon told her, before heading upstairs to grab a bag.

**xXx**

Half an hour later they were roaming the streets in Damon's convertible. Elena enjoyed the way the wind pushed her hair back. After a few minutes Damon's phone rang. He slowed down enough to close the convertible, the wind clearly wasn't a great help if you wanted to conduct a conversation.

"Damon Salvatore speaking," he started.

"Grüezi… nein, heute Abend denke ich ... Das ist nicht wahr ... Es ist mir egal ... Merci vilmal… ja, Tschüss," he finished his conversation.

"Was that German?" Elena asked puzzled.

"No, that was Swiss," Damon replied.

"Is that a separated language? I thought they spoke German," Elena questioned.

"German is indeed one of the official languages, but with a purely German background, I doubt you'd understand a word of what is spoken in the local pubs," Damon explained.

"So they have an accent?" Elena guessed.

"Yes, some of them do," Damon smiled at his understatement.

"How many languages do you speak?" Elena asked.

"Italian, a little Spanish, French, Swiss-German and English, so that makes five," he counted proudly.

"Wow, that's a lot! Where did you learn all those?" Elena asked, a bit intimidated that she only knew English.

"My mom was American, hence my English but our household only spoke Italian, since I grew up in Italy. My dad and my grandparents are from Napoli- excuse me: Napels-, though my father's English is rather well. When I was seven, we moved to the boarding house, where most of our household was Latin American. I picked up quite some Spanish words from the duped television series that used to occupy our kitchen TV. You probably know that Italian and Spanish are related languages."

Elena nods "Where did you pick up French and German?"

"When we were younger we had a nanny, Eléonore, she was French and I learned German in boarding school. Something else you'd like to know?" he asked rhetorical. Elena flushed again, she wanted to ask about the nanny and his boarding school, but didn't feel like pushing her luck, maybe later.

"How about we talk about your childhood?" Damon quipped, pleased with himself.

"Not much to talk about," Elena replied turning up the volume of the radio and effectively ending his line of questioning.

**xXx**

When they arrived at the harbour, Damon led her straight to his boat. A man in his early thirties was rearranging the ropes and humming along with his IPod. Damon snuck up behind him and pulled the plugs roughly from his ears "Hi dumbass," he greeted the man. "Asshole," the man acknowledged in return.

Elena stood hesitantly next to the boat, not wanting to interrupt. Suddenly Damon realized he had company "Hey, Elena, come on board," he called over. Elena's hand shook a little as she held them outstretched next to her to maintain balance while walking the small distance on the gangplank. Alaric watched her struggle and passed Damon, holding his hand out for her to help her on board. "Thank you," she murmured. Alaric smiled from ear to ear "Anything for a beautiful young lady," he told her winking. Elena blushed again but recovered herself, "Thanks for having me by the way and for letting me crash your boy's-date," she added with a smile.

"Don't worry about that, Damon and I have a very open relationship, don't we sweet pie? he asked, glancing in Damon's direction. Elena was shocked for a second, was Damon gay? Not that she had any problem with men falling in love but she hadn't seen this one coming…

The men in front of her doubled over in laughter seeing her reaction. "I'm Alaric by the way," Ric said, holding out his right hand while using the left one to wipe away the tears from laughing too hard.

"Elena, Elena Gilbert," she replied politely, feeling shy.

"Gilbert? As in Jeremy Gilbert?" Ric wondered out loud.

"That's my brother," Elena replied, feeling slightly more at ease.

"Great kid, I taught him history a few years ago, quite talented too if I recall correctly."

"He is," Elena smiled broadly, "He's studying art now. You must be mister Saltzman, I heard a lot about you."

"I am, but please, call me Ric."

**xXx**

The water was wild, waves crushing from all sides, splashing water on the floor every few seconds. Elena clutched the railing behind the bench, enjoying the feeling of freedom, but holding on tightly whenever the boat moved too much for her liking.

Ric was standing behind the steering wheel, beaming up at the sky. All in all, the weather was nice, the sun would have heated her body if it wasn't for the orange safety jacket she was wearing. She was happy she'd changed clothes before leaving, she would have frozen to death in that maroon dress of hers. Now she was wearing a warm sweater and some jeans, which kept her warm enough.

It was nice talking about Jeremy with Alaric, the teacher genuinely seemed to care about her brother. Right now, Jeremy was backpacking through Europe without his laptop and he wouldn't be back for at least another month, so talking about him was as close as she got these days.

Damon reappeared from the inside of the boat, holding drinks for the tree of them. "Water, coke, a beer?" he asked her holding a cool box. "Water will do," she replied warmly, enjoying the fact that she was on a real boat for the first time. Damon sat down next to her, opening his beer. "How do you like it miss Gilbert?" he questioned. "Mighty fine, mister Salvatore," she replied, mimicking his tone.

"Terrific," he concluded. After a few moments she told him "I always wanted to know what it was like to sail, it really is an amazing feeling."

"I'm glad you like it, is this your first time on a boat then?" he wanted to know.

"It is," she responded.

"Well, how about a little tour than? I assume you are curious about the inside."

"What's down there then?" Elena inquired.

"Two bedrooms, a small living area with a kitchenette, a tiny bathroom with a toilet…" Damon explained "What did you expect?"

"I thought it was just some mechanics room and maybe a closet or two," she replied.

Damon rolled his eyes, "The boat is for sailing, we don't need a room for machinery you silly, come, I'll show you," he waved his hand, urging her to follow while he walked over to the stairs, holding the railing carefully.

Elena stood up quickly, exited about seeing the little home that was apparently right beneath them. Damon held out the door and gestured for her to descend the stairs into the living area. Elena passed him and slowly started walking down the stairs, ducking her head a little. Inside the boat all the furniture was made out of wood. There was a small kitchen to her left and some cupboards to her right, then there were two sofas attached to the wall on each side and a seemingly foldable table in between. Ahead of her was a wooden door. She just stood there for a moment, taking in the cozy surroundings, dreaming about a trip with a boat like this.

Suddenly her thoughts were interrupted by some water flowing down the stairs. She watched hypnotized as the water pooled together on the floor below her, more water passed her feet before a loud slamming sound pulled her back. She looked back up and saw the door was now closed. _No. _Her mind started racing and she hurried back up the stairs, bumping into Damon as she went.

"Hey," he protested.

"Let me out," she shot at him, pushing him back up the stairs.

Damon's was shocked by her rude behaviour, his eyes darkened "Don't touch me," he shot back.

"LET ME OUT!" she shot back, screaming.

******xXx**


	5. Forgiven, not forgotten

**For those of you who would like some photos of the boat to get a better image:**

** search: "ioniancharters photos" using google, the first site is the one I used for the description of the setting**

**xXx**

Damon stepped aside, shocked and Elena hurriedly passed him, fumbling furiously with the doorknob, that wouldn't budge. When she finally discovered she had to push before turning, she stumbled onto the deck, wetting her jeans in the process as it soaked up the water from the deck. The water was splashing from all sides, higher than before, the wind rang in her ears. Elena made her way to a corner in the back, clutching the railing tightly as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. She needed to get away, away from the boat but they were surrounded by the North Atlantic Ocean. She glanced to the sides, there was only about 3 square meter (32 square ft) to maneuver, even at the far end, Ric seemed impossibly close, invading her personal space from behind the steering wheel. Elena put her knees on the bench and held on to the cold wet railing, staring numbly into the depth of the water, her back to the deck.

"Are you ok?" Alaric yelled concerned over the loud wind.

Elena didn't reply, she didn't even turn around, just kept staring into the distance.

Damon joined Alaric behind the steering wheel. "What happened?" Alaric demanded softer, not wanting Elena to listen in on their conversation.

"I honestly don't know… one minute we were walking down the stairs so I could show her around and the next she was pushing and shoving me up the stairs, trying desperately to get out. It was like, like the room was on fire," Damon told him, still oblivious to what came over her.

"That's strange," Alaric murmured, "I know her brother fairly well, the kid always speaks so highly of his caring sister. From what he told me, she's quite a calm and controlled person, I wonder what came over her."

"Women…" Damon muttered.

"So, what are we going to do about this, we're at least two hours away from home," Alaric asked.

"There's not much we can do, just leave her be for now, I'm going to mop the floor downstairs, the waves managed to flood the floor, you should've seen the water streaming down when-"

Damon stopped mid sentence as Alaric's eyes widened in horror. "What?"

"Shit!"

"What is it Ric?!" Damon yelled exasperated.

"Elena" Alaric mumbled.

"What is going on?" Damon demanded anxiously.

"Her parents," Alaric murmured, "They drowned in a car… Elena-, she was there I think. Damn! She must have panicked when she saw water filling up the room… door closed…" he added, a shiver running down his spine.

"Fuck!" Damon cursed, "I knew about that, SHE told me about that, yesterday, how could I be this stupid?!"

Both men stared at the shaking girl, crawled up on the white surface. Damon went downstairs again to gather some blankets and a heating patch. It was a rectangular shaped plastic container with a blue gel inside, when you flipped the metal piece amongst the gel, a chemical reaction would turn the liquid hard, heating the patch up in the process. Damon put the patch and the blankets in a container on the deck and made his way over to Elena.

He had a hard time getting there, the surface was wet and slippery and there was nothing he could properly hold onto except for the railing, the wind was blowing furiously. When he got to Elena he gently put a hand on her shoulder, sitting down next to where she was leaning.

"Elena?" he said softly.

She whipped her head in his direction, her eyes glistening with tears.

"It's not safe out like this, you can't be on your knees so close to the water, please come back and sit next to the cabin, it will block the wind out a little." He gave her his hand and let her to the space next to the door, Elena practically fell onto the bench. She was cold, sitting in the corner, her clothes had soaked up a lot of the splashing water, together with the wind, it was a freezing combination. Damon kneeled in front of her, attempting to undo her life vest.

"Www what are you doing?" she demanded, shivering.

"I would like to put a blanket around you and give you a dry life jacket, this one's soaked," he explained and Elena moved her hands over her head, helping him get rid of the jacket. Her wrapped the blanket loosely around her and secured a new life jacket over the blanket, tying the loose straps under her arms one by one. Then he took a warm patch and handed it to her "Here, this should warm your hands up a bit, they are freezing," he told her. Elena gave him a small smile as she wiped her cheeks with her left sleeve. "Thank you," she told him whole-heartedly.

After a moment or two, Elena seemed to have recovered. "You two have a nice place down there," she commented, glancing kindly from Damon to Alaric. "Er, thanks," Alaric replied awkwardly. Damon just stared, at a loss for words. Elena noticed Damon's discomfort and turned to his side "I'm sorry for what happened Damon, I should not have pushed you. It was just… the water, it was gathering and gathering and being in closed confined spaces filling up with water, that's not really my scene." she explained, a wry smile across her face.

"I'm sorry," Damon whispered, barely audible, "I should've known better."

"No, you shouldn't have. I went of this trip willingly, I'm not afraid of water, not anymore. It was a long time ago and I managed to get past it, I haven't had this kind of _episodes_ for over a year now. But the circumstances were just a little, unfortunate. I'm ok now, don't worry about it." Elena reassured him.

"The wind had changed for the worse I see," Elena commented.

"On any normal occasion, Damon and I like it like this," Alaric commented, "We can go a lot faster like this, do more miles," he explained.

"How long have you been sailing together? Have you met this way?" Elena asked.

Damon laughed a loud carefree laughter and Alaric joined. "No," he told her, "Ric and I met in a bar, both drunk of our asses. I just turned 20 back then. Somehow we kept ending up in the same bar from time to time and that's how we started talking one day. After a few months, we had an unspoken agreement about drinking every week together at the same place, around the same time. One day I told him about my boat and we've been buddies ever since."

"Now he's leaving the part out about suddenly disappearing for three years without any explanation…"

Damon shot him a warning glace. "And Ric is leaving out the part where we have taken a vow NOT the question each other's behaviour."

"Wow, sounds like a healthy bromance you've got going on there," Elena said in mock admiration, "Do you go for weekend trips together?" she continued.

"Yes we do," Alaric quipped back, "But when we go on long trips, we spend the evening in a harbour along the way. "We have separate bedrooms by the way, since we do insist on some privacy," he added with a smirk.

"Two bedrooms? Where do they fit into the boat? I haven't seen those yet," she said, looking at Damon.

"I'd love to show you," he replied, "but I don't think that you want to go down there again, do you?"

"I think I do," Elena responded, "Will you take me down again?"

The two guys stared at her, shocked.

"Are you sure?" Alaric questioned in disbelief.

"Very," Elena replied with a smile.

"But what about what happened, why would you do that to yourself?" he wondered.

"I was hoping you two would allow the door to stay open this time, it should make it easier… I do need to go down there again, get back on the horse and all that."

"Of course we could figure a way to keep the door open," Damon assured her, fishing in the container for some rope. He tied the rope around the knob and attached the other end to a wooden pole nearby. "There, that shouldn't close again," Damon assured her, "But you do realize there might be water coming down again, right?"

Elena nodded her head determined, "As long as I have a way out, I'll be fine."

Damon stepped in front of her, "Let me go down first, then I can't be blocking your way again," he said, wanting to avoid another panic attack –from both himself and Elena-, before descending the stairs. Elena took a deep breath when passing the doorway, but followed suit.

When they were both down again, he eyed her warily, but she seemed fine, curiously eying all the objects in the room. She walked to the front of the cabin, hands on the doorknob of his bedroom "May I have a look what's inside here?" she questioned.

"Sure, you can do whatever you like," he smiled. He tried to wrap his head around the situation. What was going on? Not that long ago she had been completely in shock and now she was discovering the cabin like it was no big deal. It was almost like she wasn't afraid anymore… almost. He wasn't fooled though, he could hear her small intakes of breath and there was a slight tremor in fingers as she let them slide over the furniture. She wasn't completely at ease, that was for sure. Still he was impressed by her bravery, the only thing he couldn't figure out was why she was down here again, why would someone do this to themselves?

After she had had a look at both bathrooms and the bathroom, Damon showed her how to fold the table in the middle, creating two new beds and a passage in between. Elena was commenting enthusiastically on the smart invention.

"Do you cook in here?" she wondered, pointing to the kitchenette.

"We do, it's not a four star meal, but it's enough to keep us both from starving," he told her.

Damon walked up the stairs again, but turned around when he noticed she wasn't following. He looked at her expectantly.

"Damon… could you do something for me?" Elena asked a little flushed from embarrassment.

Damon's mind was reeling. What could she possibly want from him? He nodded his head anyway, urging her to ask her next question.

"Could you untie the doorknob, please?"

Damon shook his head back and forth in disagreement "You want me to lock you in, alone?" he asked in disbelief.

"NO!" she answered immediately.

"Ok, then what would you like me to do?"

"Forget it, it's ok."

"No, please, tell me what you were thinking, I'm sure I can manage…"

"Well, I thought, maybe you could untie the rope and pull the door closed a little, just leaving a small crack?" she asked in a small voice.

"Is that what you want?"

Elena nodded, Damon disappeared through the door and stood on top of the staircase a minute later, holding the door wide open.

"Ready?" he asked.

Elena nodded again and Damon slowly pulled the door closer and closer to the frame, leaving about five centimeters (half a foot). He looked up at Elena.

"Could you maybe close it for a moment?" Elena asked softly.

Damon didn't want to, not wanting a repeat of what happened earlier, but Elena appeared calm and certain so he let the door slide in the lock.

Elena sat down on the bench next to the table, breathing harder for a moment. Then she turned her back to the door for a second, Damon just kept staring.

"We should clean up the water," she broke the silence. "Where do I find a mop?"

"I can do it myself, you can go back upstairs," he urged.

"I'm fine Damon, can't you see?" she asked him, then her own words dawned on her and she shook her head back and forth, eyes wide with disbelief. "I'm fine!" she said louder, more to herself this time, "I did it!" a broad smile lit up her delicate features when she looked up at him again.

"Well, I guess you are, " he smiled back, proud of the girl he had only known for a week. He stepped down the stairs and pulled a bucket and some mops out of the closet, then he got down and started soaking up the water. Elena joined him on the floor and helped him clean.

"How did you do that," he asked in wonder.

"Step by step," she smiled up at him, you helped, thanks for that!" she said.

"It's pretty amazing, that you can just switch your fear of like that," he told her, a little envious.

"Ow, I promise you, I can't… I wish," she murmured.

"Then how does it work?" he asked her, very interested in her answer.

"Fear is all about control, first you have to realize that you are afraid, which can be quite a hard step. Admitting to being scared was the hardest thing for me for a long time. When you manage that, you have to discover to what extent you are scared, find out what you can and can't do, see in what ways you are limited. Then you take it from the start, you take a gentle first step and wait for a moment until the tightening in your chest subsides. It's a gradual process, one step at a time. It can take minutes, days or even months. You envision your ultimate goal and you work towards it, taking very tiny steps and figuring out a way to deal with the fear every step of the way."

Damon looked at her in awe: "Have you done this many times?" he wondered.

Elena laughed humorously, "Over a hundred times I think, you can't imagine… But it get's easier each time around," she added happily.

"What was going through your head when you went back down those stairs?" Damon questioned.

"I was wondering what I was most afraid of and then I figured it was the fear of not being able to get out that threw me. So I asked you to leave the door open and we went from there. When we were down here, the tightening got better and my breathing got easier," she replied.

"How come you asked me to close the door then?" Damon questioned.

Elena giggled a little "Well, I looked around the room and spotted the hammer in the corner and you would be in here with me,"

"So?"

"This cabin is way bigger than our old car, it would take at least fifteen minutes for the cabin to fill up, especially at the slow rate the water is able to come in here. By that time you could easily crush the wooden door with the hammer, I'm sure of it," she replied.

Damon smirked, pleased that she thought he was that strong. "So you rationalize situations when you get scared?" he asked her.

"I do," she said, wringing her mop one last time. Damon emptied the bucket one final time and opened the door for her.

When they stepped back on the deck, Alaric glanced confused from Elena to Damon and back again. "That took quite some time," he noted.

Damon took a look at this watch and shook his head, "I think an hour to get over your fear is quite a record," he said jokingly. Elena beamed with joy.

"If you look at it that way, it is pretty impressive indeed!" Ric acknowledged.

"How about I make us all some hot chocolate?" Damon suggested. Elena and Alaric agreed in unison.

As soon as Damon disappeared behind the door, Elena turned her attention to Alaric to apologize for earlier "I'm sorry about my outburst, I must have seemed crazy for a second there, it won't happen again," she assured him.

Alaric stared at her in disbelief "You have nothing to apologize for!" he replied firmly. "Besides, I've seen far worse with Damon," he added.

"Did he tell you about the woods?" Elena asked in wonder.

Alaric couldn't hide a smirk, "Yeah, he messed up big time, didn't he?"

Elena shrugged. "It wasn't the most pleasant experience, no, but we've moved on. Over the last couple of years I have learned not to judge, anyone can flip every once in a while when certain circumstances align. That's exactly what you just witnessed."

Damon was ascending the stairs and overheard Elena's last comment, he was happy to hear her so understanding of his outburst.

"I was actually surprised you showed up today, 24 hours is not a lot of time to forget and start over, certainly not after what happened."

Damon had his hand on the doorknob but wanted to hear her answer before joining them again.

"Who said I forgot?"

"Well, you're here, aren't you?"

"Yes I am, but what happened is just not very forgettable, you know?"

Alaric nodded his head and Damon made his way down again, not wanting to hear anymore.

"Will you be able to forgive him?" Alaric asked.

"I already have. There's obviously something going on, causing him to behave like that. I know he's a sweet and honorable person, I can see it in the way he apologized, the way he came to me when I was emotional. I just hope he'll be able to talk to me one day, that we can really be friends, I think he could use a few more friends."

Alaric petted her shoulder "You're a good influence Elena, he could use a friend like you," he told her whole-heartedly.

**xXx**

When Damon entered half an hour later, he was carrying two remaining cups of hot chocolate which he handed silently to Alaric and Elena.

"Thanks," Elena thanked him sweetly, grateful for the hot beverage. "Thanks buddy," Alaric told him, holding up his cup. Damon only acknowledged Alaric's comment and turned his back to Elena, staring ahead in the distance. How could she betray him like that, why would she even come today is she never bothered give him a new chance. _Who said I forgot? _Her words kept occupying his mind, just like the tone she'd used, as is it were the most logical thing in the world. Maybe it was, but it still hurt.

On the way back, Damon didn't say a word, imposing an uncomfortable silence on the boat, especially when Alaric and Elena gave up on trying to make conversation. When they arrived back in the harbour, Damon and Alaric briefly shook hands. Alaric hugged Elena before bidding goodbye and then they each stepped into their respective cars.

"Are you mad at me?" Elena asked Damon after another ten minutes of silence.

"No, I'm not," he replied shortly.

"Ok, then what are you? You have been in a different mood ever since you made us drinks," Elena questioned softly.

"I'm just… disappointed." Damon replied.

"With me?" Elena wondered out loud.

"It doesn't matter, I don't want to talk now, if that's ok." Damon spoke.

Elena decided to give him his space and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the side of the car. It was already dark outside, must be passed ten already she thought to herself, before falling asleep in the car.

Two hours later, Elena woke while Damon was pulling the car into the driveway. They bid each other a quick goodbye and headed to their respective bedrooms, both exhausted from the eventful day.

**xXx**

Elena woke up with a start, twisting her head back and forth. It was still dark outside. Her alarm clock informed her that is was 3:43 so she shifted onto her side and closed her eyes again.

"No! Stop, you have to stop!"

Elena opened her eyes again. Where was the noise coming from. Her mind started racing until she realized that Damon must be having a nightmare again, that probably woke her up in the first place. Remembering his reaction when she woke him up last time, she decided to leave him be and turned around again. Drifting into unconsciousness yet again.

3:58 "No! Let go of me! I don't, stop! You-" Elena opened her eyes again. Was Damon still having a nightmare? Maybe she should go-, no, she couldn't, he would only get mad again."

"Don't touch me, I don't want to, I…" Elena couldn't help but listen, the house was completely silent except for his strained cries. Whatever he was dreaming about, it sounded pretty personal, she felt bad for him. He wouldn't want her to hear this, maybe she should wake him up before he said anything he'd regret.

"I hate you!" "Let go… LET GO!"

That's it, Elena stood up and made her way to his room, when she opened the door, Damon was tossing and turning, seemingly struggling with the covers of his bed, she had to wake him, it was torturous to see.

She kneeled in front of him and reached out, intending to wake him by shaking his shoulder.

"I don't, I never have, don't touch me!" he murmured once again, softer than before.

She pulled her hand back, touching would only do more harm, but what could she do?

"_The photograph on the dashboard _

_taken years ago,  
turned around backwards so the windshield shows.  
Every street light _

_reveals a picture in reverse  
Still it's so much clearer_

_Nightswimming_

_Deserves a quiet night…mm mm mm mm mmm mmmmmmm" _she sang, her voice breaking Damon's cries. Suddenly he was silent and the stirring stopped. He eyes fluttered open and he looked around the room, disoriented.

_"I forgot my shirt at the water's edge  
The moon is low tonight  
Nightswimming _

_deserves a quiet night…" _she finished the first verse.

Damon stared at her in disbelief. Elena stood up again and moved to sit on the far edge of his bed "Hi," she murmured.

"Hi," Damon said softly "What happened?"

"You were having a bad dream… And I remembered you didn't like me waking you the way I did last time, so I tried something different."

Damon shook his head, trying to force his head to start working, he still felt dazed and sleepy.

"The song," Damon mentioned.

"You told me it calmed you down, and by the looks of it you could use some calming down."

Damon smiled a little, than tried to remember what happened. His mind brought him back to his piano, the boat, then he recalled the conversation he overheard and his mood turned bitter again.

Elena noticed his sudden change in expression "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing, I was just thinking, this is another _episode_ you won't forget…" he explained.

Elena shook her head trying to make sense of the words but came up blank "I honestly don't know what you're talking about."

"Your conversation earlier with Alaric, how you told him he was stupid for thinking you would forget about what happened yesterday," he said a little angry, but mostly sad.

"Damon," Elena wanted to reach out and comfort him but stopped in time, "you haven't heard the rest of the conversation, have you? The part where I said I did forgive you for everything that happened?"

Damon shook his head, "So what are you saying? That you forgive me but you can't forget about it?" he demanded.

"Yes…" she replied simply.

"But I thought, the Coldplay song, it's-"

"It was a nice gesture Damon, and you seem to ignore the important thing here: I forgive you Damon, we're ok, we can move on…"

"But I wanted a fresh start, a second chance…" Damon said disappointed.

"If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that forgiving and forgetting are two very different things, Damon. You got your second chance, or I wouldn't have gone sailing with you today, but forgetting, that's not something I can just decide to do. It's hard to never think about something that has happened and I do not control my thoughts. And in my humble personal opinion, forgetting isn't that healthy either."

"How so?"

"Can I tell you something? About me?" Elena asked him.

"Of course," Damon replied, intrigued.

Elena moved a little further on the bed, making herself more comfortable. She took a deep breath and started talking: "When my parents passed away, I was left with one horrible memory, for months I couldn't think about them, not even about the millions of wonderful times we had together, all that was left in my mind was that one dark night. I knew I had to find some way around it, to bypass that memory to get to the others, but I couldn't. I was stuck. Then there was the overwhelming fear… I couldn't be in a car anymore, let alone in my bathtub, even eying a lake was more than I could handle. It crippled me because I hadn't just lost my parents, I lost my life, a million little things that used to be so normal were suddenly out of my league."

Damon nodded his head in understanding, but said nothing, wanting her to continue.

"One night, all of my friends went to a party, in the woods and I was asked to join. When we got there, the woods turned out to be located next to a lake and I had one of my infamous panic attacks. The idea of having a party next to a lake was so bad to me that my airways got blocked, my chest felt constricted and I was breaking down completely. My friends called an ambulance… Once they got me breathing more regularly again, I was asked to step into the ambulance for a drive to the hospital. I flipped again, completely blacking out in the end, they had to sedate me."

Elena swallowed hard at the memory.

"When I got back home, I realized that I couldn't keep going like that, something had to change. So I took a piece of paper and started writing down all the things I lost. I stayed up all night writing and in the end I filled up almost two entire pages."

Elena was quiet for a moment. "So, what happened next?" Damon asked softly.

"My friend Caroline found me crying in my room and I showed her the list, telling her about all the things I had lost, every little thing I couldn't do anymore... We talked for hours and I felt a weight lifting. From that night on, I started writing more often, about my days, about my fears, about what happened. I started being more open towards my friends, giving explanations whenever my behaviour became erratic. When they knew what I was thinking, they were more understanding about my outbursts, they figured out ways to help when I flipped out. Though the best part about telling them was the fact that I didn't have to hide it anymore. I used to cover up what was happening to me, ignoring the way I flipped out sometimes. My outbursts ended up being the elephant in the room, everyone knew they were there, but no one dared to mention them."

"When I started talking, there were less and less outbursts, my friends became more aware of what set me off and when something bad happened I felt supported, which lessened the fear. It was a gradual process, but after a while we could talk about my past more openly. Nowadays my friends even joke around about my _episodes_, they are in the past."

"Does that mean you were suddenly able to cope with water, for instance." Damon asked.

"Nope, first it was just about getting through normal situations without freaking out too much. When that got easier, I look my list out again and started tackling all the items on it one by one. My friends knew what I was doing and they helped a lot, that's how I learned to move on, taking baby steps every time, until I tackled a particular item, than I would cross it out and pick something else. In the beginning it took me multiple weeks to cross something off, but the last items were managed in just a couple of hours. Today I only needed one hour," Elena said smiling.

"Yeah that was really impressive… But what does this have to do with not forgetting?" Damon wondered.

"I just wanted to point out to you that forgetting is never the solution. You're not even talking about forgetting, you're talking about ignoring."

Damon gave her a questioning look.

"You know as well as I do that there is no forgetting, even you, who insists on it will still know about what happened in the woods three years from now. Our minds collect memories, they stock every experience that stood out. Even if you would like to start over, you'll still think about what happened from time to time, as will I, it's only natural," Elena explained.

"What you are asking me however, is to never mention it again, that's called ignoring. If I thought it would help you, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but I promise you Damon, it won't work. It will become the elephant in the room, just like it was with me."

"Then what do you want?" Damon questioned.

"I want us to put it out in the open, you do not have to explain yourself, but you cannot act like it never happened, cause you'll turn it into a ticking time bomb before you know it. It's a lot like drinking energy drinks in a way, we don't want to be tired so we ignore it, cover it up. It works for a while and we might trick ourselves for a short period of time. But in the end the thing we are ignoring catches up with us, crippling us when we least expect it. When you don't try to ignore it, you can bring it up at a convenient time, exercising more control over the situation. That's what I did today on the boat, I calmed down and I brought it up myself, at a time I was best equipped to deal with it. If I hadn't gone down there again today, I would be stuck with one more fear and one more bad memory right now, but instead, I'm left with a victory."

Damon let her words sink in, not able to answer straight away.

"You're really in a good place…" Damon murmured, partly to himself.

They sat in silence for a moment. He tried to wrap his mind around her story, trying to figure out how her experience could apply to him, but he came up blank.

"What do you suggest I do?" Damon wondered.

"About what?" Elena asked.

"About my past, you might have noticed you're not the only one experiencing… _episodes_."

"I couldn't tell you, first of all because everyone is different and second of all because I have no clue where your _episodes_ are coming from."

"I can't tell you," Damon said hastily, "Not right now," he added.

"That's ok, I didn't ask you to," Elena said comfortingly.

"You said you forgave me," he remembered.

"I did, because I do."

"Why?"

"Because you are a good person and you deserve to know that I will not hold it against you, that you have a second chance. We might not _take it back to the start, _as your Coldplay song suggested, but we do move on from this."

"Why would you think I'm a good person?"

"Because I've seen it, today when you helped me for instance and I heard about it from Stefan's stories. He likes to talk about his big brother," Elena informed him with a smile.

"What happens next?" Damon asked.

"I was thinking about letting you get some sleep," Elena quipped, standing up from the bed.

"Are you tired? Because I'm not," Damon replied.

"Not really," Elena responded.

"Than what do you think about a movie?" Damon suggested pointing at the flat screen, he was not ready to fall asleep yet and he didn't feel like being alone.

"Sure," Elena said, as she slid back on the bed, leaning her back against the headboard this time.

Not that much later, they both faded into unconsciousness above the covers as Harry Potter, Ron and fled Gringotts bank on a Dragon's back.

**xXx**


	6. Best part of me

**xXx**

Damon opened his eyes and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It indicated 5:02 in the morning. Everything was still dark outside and it was much too early to wake up but Damon couldn't fall back asleep, he had been having the weirdest dream. He'd dreamt that Elena had come up to his room and sang for him, to ease his mind after a nightmare, imagine that…

Maybe the dream meant something, she'd told him some pretty important things after all. She'd told him about her past, her parents, about how she had been having nightmares and freak-out sessions, just like him. She'd called them episodes. Somehow she'd found a way past them, past everything that had happened to her and she had turned her life around.

Damon closed his eyes again and shifted to his other side. Seconds later he scooted back to the other side, after his leg had touched something… soft. His eyes scanned the dark room and noticed long wavy hair in the light of his digital clock. NO! That could definitely not be true! Katherine? He froze, his mind started up quickly, racing over the events of last night, looking for any logical explanation as to what Katherine could be doing in his bed. Wait… this could not be happening, Katherine never slept in his bed, that would only make his father suspicious. He must have brought a girl home from a bar. No, also not possible, even when very drunk, he was incapable of doing such thing. What was going on? After another moment, his mind connected the dots, him having a nightmare, Elena coming up to his room, that had not just been a dream.

Surprised he stared at the sleeping girl beside him, it was just Elena. He looked up to his flat screen, the screen had gone black, but the red light was still on. They must have fallen asleep during the movie. He let out a breath he'd been holding and gently lay back on the mattress, leaving a vast 60cm (two feet) between the two of them, thank God for his ridiculously large four poster bed. His relief was only short-lived when he realized he was at an impasse. He surly couldn't sleep with a girl in his bed, that would be his own personal nightmare, but he could hardly wake Elena up and ask her to leave. Even if she understood, it was not a polite thing to do.

Reluctantly, he moved up from his warm, comfortable bed and collected a discarded blanket from the floor to tuck Elena in, who was lying on top of the rest of the covers. As soon as she felt the blanket, she subconsciously hugged it closer, curling up a little, it was a very cute sight. Damon walked downstairs and dropped onto the sofa. It was nowhere near as good as his bed, but it would do for the rest of the night.

He shut his eyes again and tried to empty his head, but his thoughts always led him back to their last conversation. As much as he tried to push the thoughts away, he kept thinking that the two of them were alike in a lot of ways. When Elena had told him before that she would help him, a dim light had begun to shimmer somewhere inside of him, hope that things could change on day. But as much as he wanted to hold onto that hope, Elena always seemed in such a better place than himself, which left him concluding that maybe she was just stronger. After tonight however, after hearing she had struggled with the same problems, the concept of a different future became so much more real.

If he would follow Elena's steps, the first thing he had to do was to start talking. As much as he wanted things to change, he couldn't imagine ever telling anyone. How did you explain one that you had been sexually abused. It didn't really roll of the tongue, especially when you were a man and the offender was female. Elena might think of him as weak, or she'd see him as damaged and feel sorry for him, he most certainly couldn't deal with that. What if she asked him questions, like how it was ever possible for a tiny woman to do that to a young man? He couldn't even answer that question himself, not to his own satisfaction anyway. Some days he wished she would have drugged him, bound him, make it so he physically had no option. It would be easier to cope with if he could convince himself that he didn't have a choice. But that wasn't the way things had gone down, the only reason he could think of now was Stefan… He could have told his father, or ran away with Stefan, he could have hurt her badly, choked her… In hind side there were a million possibilities, in the end he had just been weak. How could he ever admit that to Elena?

With talking out of the question, maybe he could just skip to the next part: touching. It was quite a complicated matter. For one, he could touch people himself, deliberately, as long as it wasn't in a sexual way. When it came to other people touching him, things got pretty unpredictable. Whenever people brushed him on the public transport system or in a queue, there was no problem. Shaking hands or interacting with men, old women or children had never caused a problem either. Women his age were the main issue. Any unexpected touch could make him go off, whether it was intentional or not. The only exception to that rule where when he was in a bar, whenever women flirted with him and he managed to convince himself he was ok with it, he could go quite far, though doing more than kissing was out of the question. As long as he kept telling himself he was the one demanding her touch, he was in the clear for a while though it required putting in a constant effort. If he lost his concentration for even one moment it was enough to make him snap.

Elena had overcome her episodes by putting herself back in challenging situations time after time, step by step, until she managed to cope with them. Maybe it was time to start doing the same. On that note Damon made his way up the stairs, his mind was set: he was going to do this.

He tentatively lay back on the bed again and closed his eyes for a moment. He was in a bed, with a girl, that wasn't so hard, was it? After a few minutes Elena shifted on her side, facing him. Damon tensed, this was out of his comfort-zone, she felt so close all of for sudden. He put a hand on his chest and massaged the clenched muscles, he wasn't going downstairs, this was the perfect place to start. He documented her movements, wary of her actions and focused on his breathing. It got more and more even with time, so far so good. Whenever Elena stirred again, his mind went through the same process, but at 8:00 AM, he realized proudly that he still hadn't felt the overwhelming urge to leave.

**xXx**

Damon stared at the ceiling, thinking about various things, until he felt deep brown eyes burning into his side. He turned around swiftly. Elena moved back quickly, startled.

"Good morning," he told her.

"Hi," she replied shyly, blushing furiously while looking anywhere but into his eyes.

The sight made Damon chuckle, she could really be cute sometimes. Elena checked her surroundings, than noticed she was lying on top of the covers, draped in a colourful blanket.

"We, we fell asleep?" she questioned, already aware of the answer.

"We did," Damon chuckled, "Guess your Harry Potter wasn't as good as they set it out to be." he commented mockingly.

"Hey," Elena replied, throwing her pillow at his head.

Damon caught it before it reached him. "Did you sleep well?" he asked her.

"Could have been better if you wouldn't snore so loudly…" she stated, which earned her her pillow back, which missed her by an inch since she had pretty good reflexes.

"I do not snore."

"Nope, you don't, but you had no right to mock a perfectly good movie!" she replied teasing him again.

"So, here's my question again miss Gilbert, did you sleep well in my big bed?" he inquired.

Her face turned red once again and she averted her eyes quickly.

"Why are you blushing?" Damon wondered, intrigued.

"I-, I-," she stuttered.

"Yes"

"Let's just say, it's been a while since I slept in a man's bed."

Damon smiled, not about to let her know how long it's had been since he had shared his bed. "How long has it been then, Miss Gilbert?"

"I don't think that's any of your business, is it now mister Salvatore?" she replied smirking, clearly recovered from the previous uneasiness. "I'll make us breakfast, meet me downstairs in twenty," she quipped, before racing out of his room straight to her own.

**xXx**

"How do you like your toast, Mister Salvatore?" Elena questioned, enjoying their playfulness.

"It's exquisite, miss Gilbert, just like the smile accompanying it," he replied with an exaggerated wink.

"Why thank you, Mister Salvatore," she responded, glancing through her lashes while waving her right hand in front of her as if it was a hot day and she was fanning herself.

Damon laughed out loud, enjoying the view. This day couldn't have started out any better.

"So, what are your plans for the day?" Elena asked, using a normal tone again.

"Well, the weekend is over, so it's back to work for me."

"You work?"

"What do you think I have been doing for three years in Australia?"

"Enjoying some nature?" she replied swiftly, clearly joking.

"Nope, I wish"

"Ok, so what do you do for a living then?"

"I work for my father's company. I was head of the sales department back in Australia. Here in Boston I will probably be in charge of public relations or something, wherever my dad can find a spot for me. In other words: today I'll figure out what I'll be doing here for the next few months."

"How long will you be staying in the States?"

"As long as I want."

"Not what I meant."

"Why do you ask?"

"Because we are becoming friends."

"So?"

"I don't particularly enjoy it, when people pack up and leave without any warning. It-, it's just not something I handle well."

"Oh," Damon was quiet for a moment, feeling a little guilty. It was only logical Elena had abandonment issues, given the way she'd lost her parents.

"I'll promise you this, if you don't get sick of me this summer, I'll vow to spend the next year here."

"Would you pinky swear on that, Mister Salvatore?" she replied teasing.

Before he could agree however, she turned bright red again. "Shit, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to-, it just slipped out and-"

"What?" Damon asked confused.

"Pinky swear, it requires touching, I swear I didn't realize that before I brought it up."

Then it dawned on Damon and he got a little anxious, how much did she know?

"How did you pick up on the not-touching part?" he demanded, his tone hard.

"The DON'T-TOUCH-ME's kind of gave you away…" Elena replied.

"Of course," Damon replied, visibly relaxing. "I might have my limitations, but a pinky swear is like shaking a hand, I think I can manage," Damon said, rolling his eyes as if he was explaining this to a toddler.

Elena extended her pinky finger and Damon did the same, smirking as they touched. Is wasn't a bad feeling, it was predictable and superficial, something he had no issues with. However simple the gesture, Damon enjoyed the moment. If not for the fact that he could prove to Elena he was capable of touching, than for the fact that now they shared something special, even it is was just a simple promise.

******xXx**


	7. Silenced by the night

**xXx**

As the days went by, Damon and Elena developed a routine. Elena would set her alarm and wake up a few minutes before he did so she could set the table and make him breakfast. During the day she would do some chores, meet up with Caroline or Elijah, take long walks or write. In the evenings dinner would be served when Damon got home and they would spend their evenings together in the living room: talking, playing a board game or watching a movie. The following two weeks passed by before the two of them even noticed.

Saturday night at dinner Damon had a strange request for Elena.

"Elena?" he asked her attention while she was studying her carrots.

"Yes."

"I've been thinking about what you said: about facing your fears and all that…"

Elena's head shot up in surprise "You have?" she replied surprised.

"I have and I was thinking about going back to the meadow tomorrow, since it's weekend and I don't have to go to work. Would you join me?" he asked her a little hesitant.

"Sure," Elena replied with a smile.

"Tomorrow it is then," Damon confirmed while collecting the plates.

**xXx**

The next morning they decided to bring some food and a quilt to have a picnic in the meadow. It was a little past ten when Elena and Damon crawled under the wire towards the trees.

"It's a beautiful day," Elena told him smiling.

Damon had been dreaming "What?"

"I said it's a beautiful day, you sleepy head."

"Oh, yes, sure," he replied distracted.

"Damoooon"

"Yes."

"Didn't we go this way last time?" she asked pointing to a different road.

"Yeah, we did," a sigh escaped his lips.

"Are you ok? You don't have to do this you know…"

"I do."

"Fine, then try to relax a little."

Damon just kept walking.

When they reached the meadow after a long silent walk, Damon sat down on a tree trunk and Elena squatted in front of him.

"Hey," she started softly.

Damon looked up at her.

"You're not being yourself…"

Damon snorted.

"Look, I know how you feel. Things didn't go well last time and now you're tense. But we've come a long way the last two weeks. Whatever happens, you'll be ok Damon."

Damon still didn't reply.

"Come on, what's the worst thing that can happen?"

That caught Damon's attention. "Something could freak me out again, I could hurt you again. We're friends now, I cannot risk losing that," his voice had a hint of desperation.

"Damon we've been there already. Last time you twisted my arm and I ended up alone on the ground and here we are: still friends. This time is different, I know how hard this is for you now and we've gotten a lot closer since then which means I can take more than I could last time. That said: I don't see how things can get worse than last time and we survived that, didn't we?"

Elena was right. He couldn't do much worse than last time and they had managed to move past that. The idea calmed Damon down and a small smile lightened his features. "I guess you're right."

"I'm always right, Mister Salvatore," Elena quipped back, rolling easily into their playful banter.

After a much more easy going time heading back, Damon was smiling from ear to ear.

"We did it!" he stated when they finally reached the wire again.

"Yes you did, congratz buddy," Elena confirmed with a smile.

"High five?" Damon asked lifting his arm and Elena was more than happy to oblige.

"So, Mister Salvatore, how would you like to celebrate?"

"Mmm, maybe I could cook us something for once. I'm an excellent chef you know. Afterwards we can explore the city to get a drink or something. What do you think?"

"I'd love to," Elena replied with exaggerated politeness, making him grin.

**xXx**

The bar they entered was relatively empty for a Sunday night. Elena didn't mind, she'd never been a party animal. Damon was wearing a black shirt and some washed-out jeans while she was dressed in a cute yet elegant red dress that accentuated her well-shaped figure. It wasn't provocative and didn't show too much cleavage, but she most certainly looked attractive. Damon ordered a piece of chocolate pie and asked her if she wanted one too, she politely declined. His pasta had been so delicious that she'd eaten a bit too much earlier.

Damon hadn't ordered yet when the bartender set down a cosmopolitan in front of her.

"Sorry, but I didn't order this," she informed him politely.

"Curtsey of that handsome face over there," the bartender replied apologetically.

She turned around in her stool and a stranger on the other side of the bar gave her a meaningful wink.

"Is there a problem?" Damon asked her, picking up on the tension.

"No there is not," Elena replied, sliding the cocktail away from her, "Just a stupid guy who wants to get laid I suppose."

"Well, you do look quite particularly hot tonight, can't blame the guy for trying," Damon quipped, which earned him a kick in his shin.

"Aw!" he shouted, his mouth pulling into a hard line.

"I don't consider that touching, do you?" Elena quipped back with a smirk.

"Nope, I don't, but I'd rather you'd refrain from such behaviour if you wouldn't mind," he replied swiftly.

Before Elena could rely, a blond long-legged woman came up to them.

"Is your date boring you, sugar?" she asked sultrily, looking at Damon.

"Why?" he replied, seemingly curious, causing the woman to grin in satisfaction.

"Because I'd love to offer my company instead."

Damon thought about that for a second, "I'd love to," he responded overly enthusiastic, causing Elena to spill her beer in shock, "but I'm not really that fond of cheat presents… sweet-heart," he added, drawing out the mocking nickname.

The blonde scoffed disdained before strutting away rather urgently.

"Nice one," Elena complemented,

"Why thank you miss Gilbert," he replied, clinking his beer to hers.

"So, that means she was not your type?"

"Most definitely not."

"You don't like blonde?" Elena asked, genuinely interested in Damon's dating life.

"God no!" he replied.

"Redheads?" she tried.

"Nah, too much work, they are such know-it-all's…"

"Does Mister Salvatore prefer pitch black hair?" she inquired, liking their game.

"No, he does not." Damon replied, playing along.

Elena searched for any other colour, but came up blank, she'd named them all… except for her own brown hair of course. Did she dare to ask? She took another gulp from her beer.

"How about… long brown curls?"

Damon choked on his beer at the description of Katherine: "Hell no! Over my dead body," he replied immediately.

Elena averted her gaze, his comment had stung like a bitch. She had no feelings for him other than friendship, but to have him say out loud that he would rather die than be with someone who looked like her…

Damon realized his mistake a moment later "Elena, I didn't mean to-"

"WHAT THE HELL!" Elena stood up, not just angry, but furious, eyes blazing.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Not you, them!" she informed him, pointing to a couple in a far corner.

Damon followed her gaze. There was a young couple sipping on a drink together, the girl was laughing at something the guy said and the guy had his hands all over her. He could admit that their behaviour wasn't exactly appropriate, but the girl's clothes still coved most of her body parts and he's seen worse before.

"What is it? Are you mad about the way that guy is undressing his girlfriend?" Damon asked.

"That guy you're talking about is my best friend's boyfriend."

"Oh, maybe you could go over there and talk to your friend then, what's the problem?" he suggested.

"The problem is the fact that that girl is not my friend," she spit back before making her way over there.

"KLAUS!" she shouted, giving the guy a slap in his face before he even knew who was addressing him.

"Shall I call Caroline or will you tell her yourself?" she demanded, taking her phone out.

"Please Elena, it's not what it looks like, I-"

"Well, by all means: what is it?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" he girl next to him interrupted, spilling her drink all over his shirt. Before Klaus had a chance to respond, she'd taken her purse and her coat and left the table abruptly. Damon just watched, amused.

"So?" Elena questioned, her eyes burning into Klaus.

"Please don't tell Caroline, she's on a weekend with Bonnie and it would ruin everything." he begged.

Elena considered his request for a moment. Caroline had indeed saved a long time to go on this trip with Bonnie. "Fine, it can wait until she gets back. But if you haven't told her by Wednesday, I'll tell her myself and you'll be one sorry basterd!"

"Please Elena, don't do this, I love her…"

"Relationships 101: we do not cheat on the people we love Klaus, you'll do good to remember that," she replied, leaving a dazed blonde man behind.

On her way back to the bar, the stranger from before took her by the elbow. "Hi love, I thought I'd-"

"Just give it up already," Elena interjected, "I'm not in the mood. Thanks for the drink, but I don't do the one-night-stand-thing," she added, before trying to walk past him.

"Mmm, I love a girl who plays hard to get," the man murmured, not letting go of her arm.

Elena lifted her right foot and planted her high heal into the man's shoe stating: "I'd love for you to let me go now, thank you very much."

The man reached out again, wanting to say something else, but Damon was right behind them and took the man's arm, slowly twisting it into an uncomfortable position, "You heard the lady, I suggest you listen if you'd like to keep this arm," he whispered menacingly before following Elena.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Nothing, a slight addition to your own statement," he replied grabbing their coats.

"Let's go home."

"I couldn't not agree more," he responded, putting his hand on her back and guiding her out of the bar, he felt the need to show every other male in the room she was unavailable.

**xXx**

Elena sat down in the chair in front of the fireplace, handing Damon his tumbler and sipping on her hot chocolate. Damon was in the sofa, watching the flames lick the wood.

"You've been awfully quiet since we got back," he said, breaking the silence.

"You've been messing with my mind," Elena responded.

That caught Damon by surprise, he gave her his most innocent gaze and replied, "I don't know what you're talking about beautiful," he replied.

"I think you should stop with the flirty little comments and that eye thing you do," Elena shot back coldly.

"What eye thing?" Damon asked, wiggling his brows again, smirking.

Elena grabbed a magazine from the side table and ignored him for a while.

"Ok, fine, tell me what's wrong…" Damon offered softly.

Elena looked up again, not sure where to start. "One moment you call be beautiful, the next you inform me that I'm not your type and that you'd go for someone like me '_over your dead body'_. Then there was the moment when you put your hand on the small of my back and gingerly led me out, acting like a perfect gentlemen, while I know well enough I could not even touch if you'd bleeding to death. You see how this is a bit confusing?"

Damon swallowed hard, she did have a point. "Does it bother you that you're not my type than?" he questioned jokingly, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Elena turned bright red and covered her head with a spare pillow. This confused Damon, did she like him? Did she think of him as more than just a friend? He hadn't even considered the possibility, they'd only known each other for little over two weeks. Did he feel anything for her? He must admit that he found her endearing and he cared for her, but he wasn't in love, it was way too soon for anything like that. Still, he had been jealous in the bar, hadn't he?

"Elena…"

She just shook her head from behind the pillow.

"Elena, it weren't your beautiful long curls I had been thinking about when I reacted that way in the bar earlier, I promise," he started, "My ste-"

DING DONG

The doorbell rang. Elena put the pillow down, relieved after hearing Damon's last statement.

"Are you expecting anyone?" Elena asked him, back to her happy old self.

"No. Maybe it's one of those men in the bar, you had quite some admirers back there," he quipped, moving his brows again in a suggestive manner.

"Maybe it's the leggy blonde," Elena joked.

"Oh My, indeed, then I must hurry milady, I cannot keep her waiting," he replied in mock seriousness using a fake British accent for no apparent reason.

"Race you to the dooooooor," Elena told him, taking a head start.

Damon caught her arm and pulling her back. He was racing through the house, taking the lead. He was the first one to arrive at the door and opened it swiftly, still breathing hard. His jaw dropped in shock and he was tongue-tied at the sight of his visitor not sure how to react, it had been a long time.

"Who is it? Who is it?" Elena yelled somewhere behind him. But to Damon it was just a vague noise in the background, this had not been part of the plan. No. This had most certainly never been part of the plan.

It seemed to take ages for Elena to reach the door and she rounded the corner brushing past him.

"Stefan!" she exclaimed throwing her arms around his little brother.

Stefan pulled her in and held her close. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and his face was buried in her long brown locks.

Their exchanged was displayed in what looked like slow motion to Damon. This was messed up: one moment there had been hope, hope that Elena would become his best friend and help him through all his issues, the next life threw him a curveball by presenting his guardian angel with the better version of himself.

"God, I've missed you so much," Stefan spoke softly.

"Me too," she sighed, not ready to let go just yet.

Damon regained control of his body and turned around, silenced, defeated.

_Because the people in this town, they look straight through me…_

******xXx**

**Voilà, that was it. Stefan's back… lot's of tension ahead, but like I said earlier, he will not be Elena's next love interest, rest assured. Last but not least I'd like to respond to Damonlover who asked about the titles I use: they are indeed references to songs. Here's a overview: **

**- ****Radioactive by Imagine Dragons  
****- Flaws by Bastille  
****- Apologize by One Republic  
****- Death and all his friends by Coldplay  
****- Forgiven, not forgotten by the Corrs  
- Best part of me by St Leonards  
****- Silenced by the night by Keane**


	8. Enjoy the silence

**My inspiration for this chapter is Enjoy the silence by Depeche Mode / Anberlin, those lyrics are very applicable.**

** xXx**

"God, I've missed you so much," Stefan spoke softly, enveloping Elena in his arms.

"Me too," she sighed, not ready to let go just yet.

Damon regained control of his body and turned around, silenced and defeated. He walked back into the house, kicking a lonely shoe on his path all the way through the corridor. This was not good. This was definitely not good. He walked up the staircase, taking two steps at a time and rushed into his room, pulling the door behind him shut with a loud BANG. This could not be happening. Whatever God up there was seriously messing with his mind.

Nervously he looked for his IPod, like a drug addict who needed a next shot. The damn thing van nowhere in sight and Damon got more agitated by the second. He looked underneath his pillow and tossed the covers into a messy pile, but his small music device was still nowhere to be found. Next, he moved over to his desk, sliding everything on top of it off with one swift movement. By now it was no longer clear whether he was acting out of desperation or pure anger. A vase on his side table dropped to the floor as a previously neat pile of papers scattered around the room. The unexpected sound brought him back out of his haze and he realised he must have left it in the pocket of his jacket, downstairs.

Damon inhaled a deep breath and made his way to the corridor in search of his jacket. Elena and Stefan were nowhere to be seen, but he heard distant laughter coming from the kitchen. They must be sharing hot chocolate or something he guessed and a feeling of loneliness creep over him. Once he found what he'd been looking for, he hastily shoved the earplugs in to block out their sounds.

NIGHTSWIMMING DESERVE A QUIET NIGHT

He knew he was hurting his ears with the loud music, but he couldn't help it. He needed some kind of relief and this was the most effective way for him to do that. As he lay back on his bed a few moments later the scene from earlier played in front of his eyes again and again. _Elena rushing to his brother, Stefan pulling her close, holding her. Him telling her he'd missed her…_ They looked so comfortable together, so easy. Five seconds had been enough to prove to Damon how much more his brother had to offer.

While Stefan had always been the steady and reliable brother, Damon was more of a loose cannon, able to go off at any time. Stefan would have never hurt her, or left her alone, he was the one to comfort her, a shoulder for her to cry on. Elena trusted Stefan more than anything and Damon was envious of the special bond they shared. In that moment, Damon found himself wishing he could do that for her, be that for her, be more like his brother.

If not for her than just in general, he wished he could be someone's best friend. He wanted to be important and needed. However grand his hopes and dreams though, Damon realised that even the simple exchange he'd seen on the front porch, was out of his league in so many ways. He couldn't even dream of being the one to hold her like that. There would constantly be the risk of him snapping, that was if there was even anyone who'd want him to hug them of course.

Damon closed his eyes and tried to remember the last time someone hugged him. He came up blank. After some more thinking he tried to come up with a reason for the lack of comforting gestures in his past. Logically it had to be because he did not like to be touched. But as much as he wanted to blame this all on Katherine, he knew this wasn't just a ramification of the anguish she'd inflicted on him, this went way beyond that.

There were two kinds of physical interaction. Him fencing off any kind of intimacy or sexually oriented affections could naturally be attributed to the abuse he suffered, but his shyness of comforting gestures stemmed from another part of his history. As a young boy he had a very different relationship with his friends and family though: he would sit on his mother's lap, would hug his grandparents when he entered their house, loved to shove his friends and roll around with them... until his father had put an end to all of that. According to _the great_ Giuseppe, that kind of behaviour was for the weak and fainthearted. He'd raised Damon to be stronger.

Stefan, however, never received such cold treatment from their father. Giuseppe went easier on the little boy because he grew up without a mother and treated Stefan with much more love and care. So while Stefan got cuddled, tickled and tucked in at night, Damon got to be 'grown-up'. His father always acted as if it were the greatest honour in the world to be a first-born Salvatore, though most of the time it was just lonely.

When he'd retrieved Elena from where she'd been crying on the deck, he'd put a hand on her shoulder. It was a comforting gesture and it did the trick at the time. Sometimes Damon wished someone could do that for him from time to time: put a hand on his shoulder, give him a pat on the back, pull him into a comforting hug. The problem was that he did not have that many friends or close relatives and the ones who knew him only gathered that he did not like to be touched. How could he explain to someone that those feelings were relative? Would anyone ever understand? Could he trust anybody with that knowledge.

The last couple of weeks he felt like maybe he could explain it to Elena. If anyone would try to understand it was her. Moreover, he didn't think he'd mind her trying it out. If only he'd told her before Stefan magically materialised on the front porch. What was he doing here anyway? Except for ruing any chance of Damon's recovery of course. Now Stefan was back, Elena wasn't alone anymore. She wouldn't need Damon to keep her company, wouldn't be forced to spend time with him anymore. The plans they'd made of her helping him cope with his _episodes_, would be shoved aside and replaced by plans including only her and Stefan. Damn. Just an hour ago he'd considered telling her a little about Katherine when she'd been pouting about his hair-comment.

Deep down he knew this wasn't Stefan's fault, but in this moment he hated his brother. Not just for the lost opportunity of having Elena help him but for being Stefan. The damn boy had always been everyone's favourite. Who cared about Damon's good grades when Stefan's were excellent? Who cared about Damon's charms when Stefan was always better mannered and a perfect gentleman, who would ever befriend the damaged, older brother who was sardonic and challenging, when they could spend time with a sweet and more caring Salvatore brother?

KNOCK KNOCK

A loud bang on his door broke him out of his reverie. He pulled her earplugs out and shouted back "That door does not need to be broken!"

"Sorry," a small voice said, not louder than a whisper, "Can I please come in?" Elena asked politely.

"Do as you please," Damon replied, his tone mocking her.

"I'm sorry about the door," Elena said shuffling inside, "I knocked a few times before, but there was no response…"

"What do you want?" Damon demanded, getting to the point.

"I just wanted to bring you some hot chocolate," Elena informed him, offering the cup.

"Oh," He hadn't seen that one coming. "Thanks," he said, using a more gentle tone.

"Are you ok?"

"I am now you're switching sides again," he quipped, "Finally realised I'm way more fun than Stefan?" he joked, back to his charming old self.

"Damon... I just wanted to know to check if you were ok, don't make such a fuss," Elena scolded.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Damon demanded, his tone colder.

"You weren't downstairs when we walked in, why did you disappear?"

A low chuckle left Damon's throat, but before he spat out a sarcastic answer, he realised Elena hadn't done anything to hurt him. She didn't seem to grasp the extent of what had gone down between both brothers last time they saw each other. Did she know it had been three years?

"I thought you and Stefan might like some time to catch up, seeing how close you two are," he replied, desperately trying to keep the disdain out of his voice.

Now it was Elena who replied with a confused "Ow," she recovered quickly, "I don't need to spend time alone with Stefan now, if we want to talk we can do that tomorrow. Why don't you come back downstairs? We can pick out a movie, the two of you can sit in separate sofa's if you prefer…" her voice trailed off.

"Thanks but no thanks, it's late and I have work tomorrow. I think I'd better go to sleep now, but hey," he lifted the cup, "Thanks for the hot chocolate!"

"You're welcome," Elena said and she closed the door on her way out.

** xXx**

The next few days were a struggle for Elena, whenever the Salvatore brothers were in the same room, they'd both go silent, radiating tension. She knew something had happened between the two of them, but she couldn't tell what it was and didn't dare to bring it up. Although Stefan loved to talk about his childhood and how things had been between them when they were younger, talking about his grown-up brother was a sore subject. There was a unmistakable animosity between both brothers and she'd never gathered the extent of it until now, when she was right in the middle of it.

Damon never showed his face in the living room again, his piano just stood there, gathering dust. Every time Elena and Stefan came home from a daytrip he was nowhere to be seen. The only moments she had with Damon were the mornings when she made him breakfast, before Stefan woke up. She missed Damon's snide comments and his sense of humour. She tried going up to his room every night to chat a little, but whenever she would walk up the stairs she would feel Stefan's gaze burning holes into her back, like she was betraying him. It hurt him, seeing her visit his brother and it hurt her to hurt her best friend, but Damon was a good guy. He deserved to have someone talk to him at home, didn't he?

** xXx**

Elena was driving to Caroline who lived at home during the summer holidays. Since a drive all the way to their hometown in Ridgefield would take too much time, they decide to meet up in the Connecticut state museum of natural history. It was located somewhere in the middle of the trip so the girls each drove half the distance. The benefit of meeting in a museum was having something to talk about at all times in case of an awkward silence.

"Elena! You made it," the exuberant blonde yelled from the staircase where she had been waiting.

"Of course I made it, what did you think?" Elena replied a little defensive.

"Nothing in particular, I'm just happy you're here!" Caroline answered.

"So, how have you been dealing with all this Klaus-drama?" Elena wondered as they walked into the museum.

"First of all: I dumped his sorry ass, but you knew that already from our last phone call. Apart from that there's nothing more to say. It's over."

"Wow, that's great! I honestly expected I had to convince you, seeing how much you cared about him. I think it's brave of you to let it go, it was the right thing to do."

"Well, sometimes you have to give up on people, not because you don't care but because they don't, you know. I have to admit, a few months ago I believed we were a match made in heaven and we were going to last but as time went by things just weren't as perfect as we made them out to be. We were still kissing and teasing each other in public, but it was more of a way to prove to the rest of the world that we were fine. That spark we used to have was gone and it was just a matter of admitting that to ourselves."

Elena nodded in understanding, Caroline was right.

"Of course Klaus should not have cheated on me, that was a very despicable and disrespectful thing to do, but it did not happen completely out of the blue. We both knew we weren't going to make it. A week ago Klaus saw me texting someone else and he didn't even know how to feel about that. If you can't figure out where you stand with someone, it might be time to stop standing and start walking and that's exactly what he did," Caroline finished.

"Are you two still seeing each other as friends? You will be attending the same classes next fall..."

"I think we will be, but not right now. I need time to heal and he needs time to think he's lost my friendship forever, serves him well. You should see the millions of texts and missed calls on my phone... But enough about Klaus, let's forget about him for a while. What's going on in your love life these days?"

"Love life?" Elena questioned, "I think you mean the lack thereof."

"Come on, Elena, it's been ages since you and Matt broke up and you haven't had a boyfriend in nearly three years. Don't you understand that college is all about experiencing new things?" she inquired.

"Well, I'm definitely experiencing new things these days..." Elena replied sarcastically, remembering Damon's strange behaviour.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Caroline demanded.

Shit! She couldn't tell Caroline about Damon's _episodes_. She quickly came up with a reasonable explanation for her previous revelation: "The two Salvatore brothers have turned the house into a warzone!" she complained.

"Ow, right, Stefan's back in town. What do you mean? Don't they get along?"

"That's the understatement of the year. Every time Stefan comes into the house, Damon seems to vanish into thin air and when I want to go upstairs to talk to him, Stefan's eyes burn with disapproval and betrayal. I'm at sea here, there's just no right way to deal with this."

"Stefan has no right to feel betrayed, if you want to spent time with Damon, why shouldn't you?"

"Damon hurt Stefan somehow and that's why he feels so bad I guess."

"Then Stefan should grow the hell up, nobody like a nagger."

"Caroline!" Elena burst out, clearly mad.

"What? Why are you being so defensive? You aren't in love with him, are you?" Caroline demanded accusingly.

"No! Of course I'm not. But I love him like a brother and you can't say these things about him."

"I still think it's strange you've been living together for three years without anything happening. You aren't keeping it a secret, are you?"

"That is not it! Don't be like this!"

"Then why are you still in Boston? You've been living there for three years straight! You even have your old home rented out!"

Elena felt tears prickle in her eyes. She'd never told Caroline about her arrangement with Stefan. Caroline thought she paid everything using the scholarship she hadn't gotten.

"Our old home isn't just rented out, it's sold," Elena whispered sadly.

"What?!" Caroline exclaimed "Why would you do that?"

"To pay for Jeremy's education..."

Caroline was tongue-tied for a moment and it took her some time to process this piece of information. "I'm so sorry Elena, I didn't know. I thought you'd both gotten scholarships..."

"We didn't, I lied... Jeremy's school was very expensive, in order to pay for the full six years we had to use all of our savings and sell the house. That way we collected enough money for him to study and live comfortably in Italy. Supporting myself on the other hand turned out to be much more of a challenge than I'd expected..." she paused for a while.

"I got two jobs and a cheap dorm room in the centre. You remember the tiny pink room I had in the beginning of our first year, don't you?"

Caroline grinned: "The shoebox," she added.

"Yes, the shoebox... It was the only place I could afford at the time and it worked out for me in during the summer when we both moved to Boston. I worked my ass off in a factory that sold beverages and waited on tables. That way I collected enough money for both tuition, books and the dorm itself. Only, when school started, one of my bosses started to notice that I was tired and wasn't making him as much money as I used to. He fired me during the first week of school..."

"Oh, Elena" Caroline pulled her into a hug, "I'm so sorry, I wish you'd told me..."

"I was ashamed and we weren't that close at the time. You were mad at me for breaking Matt's heart, remember?" Elena said softly.

"Ah, yes indeed..." A sigh escaped Caroline's lips. "But how is Stefan involved in all this? How did you end up living there?" she inquired more politely.

"As I mentioned earlier, money was starting to be a problem, but I thought I'd have time to find another job and fix it. Until one day I came home and my dorm was cleared out. The landlord had moved my stuff into storage and had changed the locks since my rent was late. That's how I ended up crying in the library on a Friday night. You were mad, Matt was hurt and I didn't feel like there was anywhere I could go... Then Stefan showed up, out of the blue. We had become fast friend in class and he was there for me. Over coffee I told him what was going on and he suggested that I stay with him for a while." Elena paused for a moment before continuing.

"Apparently he lived alone in a gigantic house and he offered up one of the six bedrooms until I figured it all out. His offer was like a lifeline to me. At the time he had a housekeeper who took care of his clothes and diner but she wasn't doing such a good job. After a week or so he offered me the job. I refused at first, thinking it would be awkward and degrading but I could not have been more wrong. Taking care of him, the garden and the house I feel useful. I know he is thankful and it doesn't feel like a job, it's more of an extracurricular activity."

"Wow! That's a lot of new information at once! You are his housekeeper?" Caroline exclaimed, holding her hands up. She needed a minute or two to let it all sink in. "That was very considerate of Stefan... Does anyone else know about this?"

"Of course they don't!" Elena shot back, "I would make me feel bad, like I'm using him or he's using me or-... Let's put it like this: between Stefan and me it does not feel that strange. I'm paid by his father, who is insanely rich and I do work over three hours a day in and around the house if you add it all up. Stefan is very grateful and he never treats me like a maid. We are just friends who are helping each other out from his point of view."

"Ok, Stefan is a good guy... But back to our point: I still don't think he can keep you from seeing Damon. Can't you talk to him about it and explain how you feel?"

** xXx**

The girls spend the next few hours talking, it felt good to share their thoughts. So much had happened since the last time they saw each other. After some heartfelt hugs, they parted ways and Elena drove back to the boarding house, just in time to start dinner.

As soon as Elena arrived, Stefan came down from his room to help her in the kitchen. After fifteen minutes, all the vegetables were washed and cut and the table was set for them to make their own sandwiches.

"Damooooonnnn!" Elena yelled from below the stairs to get the eldest Salvatore brother to the dinner table. Damon pushed the chair of his desk back and slumped downstairs, he didn't feel like having another face to face with Stefan, but a man had to eat. He sat down and looked Elena straight in the eyes: "Thank you, it looks lovely," he complimented, completely ignoring Stefan.

Just like any other night, Stefan started a conversation with Elena, excluding Damon. Elena tried multiple times to get Damon to join them but both brothers made it very clear that she could not be talking to both of them at the same time. Eventually Elena gave up and focussed on whatever Stefan was telling her. Apparently their father had called and found Stefan an internship in London, where he would be going in a week. Elena's face fell at the realization that Stefan was leaving so soon and she quickly started to collect the plates to distract herself, very aware that both brothers were monitoring her reaction.

As she was pouring water into the sink to do the dishes, Stefan moved to stand behind her and put a hand on each of her arms below her elbows.

"I'll be back in September Elena, you know you can call any time if you miss me, right?" Stefan told her.

"Who said anything about missing you? I'm just worried that you won't be eating enough, who's going to take care of you there?" Elena inquired, trying to lapse back into playful banter. She did not to hurt Damon by letting him know she wanted Stefan around.

"My father and Katherine will be joining us and-"

Stefan's answer was interrupted by a loud BANG as Damon slammed his glass down hard on the counter and left the room. Stefan looked confused as his brother left the room.

"What's up with him these days?" he questioned.

"Stefan!" Elena scolded, giving him an angry look.

"What?" he shot back, irritated.

"You did that on purpose! It's mean and low and I must admit I'm disappointed in you right now," Elena told him making a serious face.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Stefan replied softer, obviously hurt by her statement.

"Yes you do! It took me less than three days to figure out something went down between your stepmom and Damon. Don't tell me you're oblivious to the fact that he hates that woman and she clearly hurt! You knew that dropping her name would get him out of the room. Why did you do it?"

Stefan was taken aback by her outburst. He was well aware of Damon's issues with Katherine and he had indeed done this on purpose. Damon had hurt him pretty badly too and with Elena around all the time, he couldn't even make a snide remark towards his brother without her getting between them. Mentioning Katherine was a way of getting back at Damon without Elena noticing, or so he thought...

"I'm sorry... It's just that I..." his voice trailed off.

"You can tell me Stefan, whatever it is." Elena urged him.

"I know it's not your fault, but it hurts sometime to see how you joke around with Damon. Of course you are in no way involved in our past but what he did three years ago... I guess I never really got over it. One day he made me promises about conquering the world together and I was so stupid and naïve to build my dreams around those promises. Only a week afterwards..." Stefan grew quiet.

Elena noticed the deep sorrow in Stefan's voice and gathered for the first time just how hard this was for Stefan even after all these years. She moved her hand over his and gave it a gentle squeeze "It's ok, Stefan, you don't have to tell me," she assured him in an attempt to relax him at bit.

"It's not just what happened, that was never the main issue. It's that I did not see it coming. I genuinely believed Damon was going to turn his live around for me when he made those promises and I hoped, God Elena, I wished so badly that the two of us could be real brothers again."

Elena couldn't really follow his train of thoughts, she was missing some vital pieces of the puzzle. It was not the time to ask Stefan to explain himself though, not right now.

"So in the end, Damon chose his hatred for Katherine over his relationship with me and he left me all alone. It took me some time to pick up the pieces after he ran off to Australia but eventually I did it. Now however, every time I see him, I'm reminded of that naive, hopeful version of myself and I feel stupid. I blame him for that feeling and seeing you light up his face, I don't think he deserves it. I don't want him to hurt you the way he hurt me..."

** xXx**

Elena didn't dare to visit Damon that evening, not after Stefan's confession. But as she sat in the sofa next to her best friend, her mind kept wondering off to the man upstairs. There were two sides to every story after all. After Stefan had gone to bed she snuck back into the hallway, pausing before Damon's room. She wanted to talk to him, to make sure he was ok. Damon needed to know she was there for him, though Stefan couldn't know how much she cared...

At a complete loss, Elena sank back against the wooden doorframe. There was no solution, no way for her to fix this. A part of her desperately wanted to knock on that door and check up on Damon but another part of her was scolding her for even considering it. The confusion and her inner stuggle made her dizzy and she curled up her knees until they were touching her chest. Putting her head on top of them she tried to find solution to the riddle she had to solve. It was a matter of minutes before she was in tears: they were going to make her choose, there was no way around this.

Damon lay awake in bed and had heard Elena and Stefan go to their separate rooms. Elena hadn't showered yet though, which was strange. He'd grown accustomed to the boiler staring up late at night. There was a soft noise coming from the corridor however, he listened more closely. It sounded like sobs, was Elena crying? He waited a few minutes, she was Stefan's responsibility now. Is something was up with her, Stefan could be the one to comfort her and to fix it.

After another few minutes Damon swung his door open to go find her, only to have her fall backwards into his room...

"You know it's not smart to lean against doors, miss Gilbert. They tend to open every once in a while," he tried. She looked so lost all alone at night.

Elena gave him a sly smile and stammered "I'm, I'm sorry I woke you. I-, I, I shouldn't be here. I'll leave now." She tried standing up.

Damon caught her elbow and steadied her. "I wasn't sleeping yet, why don't you come in for a while and tell me what happened. Are you fighting with Stefan?" he idly wondered. He'd been thinking about her all evening and didn't want her to leave just yet.

"No, it's not that," she told him as she sat down on the covers.

"What's going on then?" he tried.

"I honestly don't know what to do anymore Damon. I've been caught between you and your brother for the past few days and it's eating me alive. It seems to me like you two expect me to make a choice but you are both my friends. I don't see how I can pick one of you and forget about the other one," she explained.

"I recognize this must be difficult for you, but it won't be like this forever. In a week Stefan will leave..." his voice trailed off.

"Can't you try and talk to him? He's really hurt by whatever went down," Elena tried softly.

"EXCUSE ME? HE is hurt? That's the joke of the year. He betrays his own flesh and blood for the woman who's single handily ruined my entire life and he tells you that he's the one that got hurt?" Damon raised his voice.

Elena reached her hand out to touch Damon's, to comfort him liked she'd comforted Stefan before, but she felt him tense up under her fingers and quickly let go. "I'm sorry Damon, it was honestly a reflex," she said by way of explanation.

Damon wanted to tell her he didn't mind and he only tensed because it was unexpected but instead he gave her a smile, not wanting to give her the wrong impression. "How about we watch a movie?" Damon offered. Elena agreed. It was nice for both of them to spend over ten minutes together again and they just enjoyed each other's company for a while.

** xXx**

Next morning Elena came up with a plan. She had to get out of this messy situation. She couldn't bear to stay one more week with the two brother's fighting so she woke up early to work of the one thing that still connected them: pancakes.

Once the dough was mixed she ran upstairs to bang on their doors: "PANCAKES IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, I EXPECT YOU BOTH AT THE TABLE BEFORE THEY'RE COLD!" she yelled.

As the two men took their seats Elena took two plates and put them pretentiously on the table. Then she took the honey and made two spider webs. Afterwards she spread some crushed nuts over the pancakes and folded them neatly. She handed them both a plate announcing: "Just the way YOU like it," and looked them both separately in the eyes to give them each a meaningful glare. Elena ignored the omnipresent tension and moved to make herself one too.

After a few minutes of silence she decided she wasn't going to settle for this. As she made the men another round of pancakes she looked up at the youngest Salvatore: "So Stefan, have you slept well?"

"I guess so, how did you sleep?" he replied.

"Fine, maybe not quite enough but I can't complain. How did you sleep Damon?" she questioned, making clear she was expecting an answer.

"I slept well Elena, thanks for asking."

-Awkward pause-

"What will you be doing today Damon? Any crazy plans?" Elena tried to make conversation, careful to ask Damon first this time.

"I'll be sailing with Ric again. He mentioned you're more than welcome to delight us with your company," Damon quipped back, charming as ever.

"Elena doesn't do water you idiot!" Stefan snapped back at his brother, giving him an angry glare.

"Speaking to me now, are we brother? I think this is the first thing you've said to me since you've arrived. Oh, and by the way, she joined us last time, don't think you're the only one who knows her." Damon shot back venomously.

Stefan looked up at Elena in disbelief and Damon met her eyes expectantly.

"AGGR! THIS HAS TO STOP!" Elena yelled.

"I'm not doing this anymore, this is my own personal hell!" she added.

"I know something happened between the two of you and I know Damon hurt you Stefan and Stefan betrayed you Damon but I have no clue what it was. The two of you have this big picture of the situation and all I have are some insignificant pieces of that puzzle and you know what? I don't even need to know what went down because it's none of my business. All I know is I met this sweet and caring guy three years ago, he's been my best friend ever since and he means the world to me. Then I met his brother a few weeks ago and I want to get to know him better. He's witty and he makes me smile, I haven't known him for that long but I do know he's a good person and I love spending time with him. THOSE are the two guys I know," she took a deep breath before continuing.

"Now you Damon, won't speak to me when Stefan is around and Stefan, you keep glaring when I want to see Damon. BUT NEITHER ONE OF YOU EVER HURT ME THE WAY YOU HURT EACH OTHER. I cannot be mad and hostile if I don't know what I should be blaming you for. All I know are two great guys and it breaks my heart that you seem to expect some misplaced sense of loyalty that I don't even inhibit."

"You don't even know what he did-" Stefan interjected, earning him a glare from Damon who wanted to interrupt too.

Elena was first however: "Indeed Stefan: I DO NOT KNOW what he did so don't expect me to punish him for something I know nothing about. I can't do it and I won't. So this is it guys, I'm done until someone defuses this bomb," she finished, walking out of the room.

As she passed the corridor she grabbed her jacket, her purse and her car keys. In a matter of seconds she was walking down the driveway to the tiny metal box on wheels that served as her car.

"Where are you going?" Damon yelled.

"Anywhere but here," she snapped back, pulling the door shut behind her. A minute later she was out of sight, leaving the two brothers perplexed, left to their own devices.

** xXx**

**This chapter was more about background than about excitement. I just needed to give you the pieces of the puzzle in order for them to come together next chapter. **


	9. Breathe in, breathe out

**Thank you dear readers for your reviews and a warm welcome to all the new followers, thank for reading! The chapter is inspired by a song by the amazing Mat Kearney, featured regularly on Grey's Anatomy.**

** xXx**

Stefan and Damon stood side by side in the hallway watching as Elena's car disappeared into the distance.

"Good job, _brother_," Damon spat out patting Stefan on the back in mock approval.

Stefan shrugged Damon's hand away, irritated "Don't think for a second I'm the only one to blame here. I've lived with her for over three years and I've never managed to scare her off!" he snapped back.

Damon ignored that last comment and went upstairs to pack his bag in order to go sailing with Ric. By the time he had come back downstairs Stefan had already left the house. It was fine by Damon; he didn't feel like seeing him again anytime soon anyway.

**xXx**

"Hi buddy, ready to face the ocean for a while?" Alaric asked as soon as he saw Damon.

"Like you wouldn't believe!" Damon replied before quickly making his way onto the boat.

"I guess you couldn't persuade the lovely Elena?" Alaric questioned curiously.

"Nope," was the only reply he got.

"That doesn't sound good, trouble in paradise so soon?" Alaric wondered.

"More like: Paradise up in flames since Stefan's back in town." Damon informed him, his tone bitter.

"And Elena?"

"Fled the scene, didn't want to get burned I guess," Damon said, enjoying his own metaphor.

"What did you do?"

"I let her go of course. I can hardly tie her to the bed, now can I? Although it might have been kind of kinky if we-"

"NOT what I meant Damon!" Ric interrupted, "I was just wondering what you two morons did to make her run for the hills." Ric specified.

"Well, she made us breakfast and Stefan and I got into an argument. He was being an asshole about me asking her to come today."

"What's your great plan now?" Alaric asked.

"Sail a bit, drink a bit, sleep a bit, drink a bit more, go to work tomorrow, drink a bit and maybe at the end of the day: buy more bourbon. Or would you like to go to the bar with me? We can each pick up a hot chick and forget _all_ about Elena…"

"When in doubt: use sarcasm, it will solve _all_ of your problems," Alaric replied both sarcastically and disapprovingly.

"Exactly!" Damon responded enthusiastically.

"What am I going to do with you?" Ric asked exasperated.

"Hand me my lifejacket, 'cause we're going sailing!" Damon quipped back.

When they were a few hours away and the men were both enjoying a glass of wine on the deck, Alaric decided to try again.

"Seriously Damon, did Elena really leave?" he wanted to know.

"Yes Ric. She. Just. Left. You know, you are kind of slow for a teacher."

"And neither of you ran after her nor tried to stop her or anything?"

"Nope."

"See, that's not how it works buddy. Have you never seen a romantic comedy? You're supposed to run after her and change her mind, that's when she realizes how insanely in love with you she is and it all ends in hot, steamy sex."

"You've been watching too much Grey's Anatomy my friend." Damon replied. "By the way: I don't have feelings for her and I'm way too empowered to engage in such nonsense. However I must admit that I did expect Stefan to get on his knees. Didn't happen though."

"Pride… I would always rather be happy than dignified." Ric replied.

"Where's that from?"

"Jane Eyre."

"Seriously?!"

"History teacher, remember?"

"That's no excuse!" Damon said, bouncing Ric's head off the door of the cabin.

"Ow! That hurt!"

"Good" Damon smirked.

**xXx**

The third day since Elena had been gone was the worst one so far.

"DAMON!" Stefan yelled from the kitchen.

Damon sauntered lazily through the kitchen door: "You bellowed?"

"Could you tell me what happened to the cereals? Or the milk for that matter?"

"I could, but that would ruin your morning, wouldn't it?"

"Damoooon!" Stefan wailed feeling irritated.

"Stefaaaan!" Damon imitated him.

"Stop acting like a toddler!" Stefan shot back angrily.

"You're one to speak! Why don't you put on your big-boy-pants and go buy us some breakfast yourself?"

"I wouldn't have to if you hadn't eaten everything!" Stefan snapped.

Damon reached behind him to the closet where he had hidden the last bit of cereal the day before and poured it into a bowl of his own while Stefan watched. He took a spoon and started eating pretentiously. "Oh, there it was," he informed Stefan with his mouth full.

"You're impossible!" Stefan stated, heading out the door.

**xXx**

"Elena!" Caroline exclaimed surprised when she answered the door.

"Yes, it's me. Would you mind if I stayed here for a while?" she asked shyly.

"Of course I don't! Come in please!"

Elena explained her situation to Caroline and the blonde girl nodded sympathetically. "You can stay as long as you want. We can have a girl's night and go shopping tomorrow. Oh my God, this is going to be so exciting. It's been way too long since we had a girl's night together," she babbled enthusiastically as she pulled her best friend in for a hug.

"So how long do you think you'll be staying? I mean: if it were me you could stay forever but I need to give my mom some kind of idea how long we'll be having a guest."

"I don't know yet, Care. My departure at the boarding house was kind of impulsive. One minute I was standing there and the next I just left. I didn't even bring any clothes," Elena added a little embarrassed.

"Clothes are obviously not an issue! My closet contains more than enough for the two of us and we practically have the same size."

"You're a lifesaver Care," Elena told her gratefully.

**xXx**

"STEFAN!" Damon yelled.

There was no response of any kind. Shit. Damon was standing in his bathroom, fresh from the shower only to discover that there were no towels at all in the cabinet. He took a pillow from the bed and sauntered over to Stefan's bathroom leaving a wet trail behind. Once he got to his brother's room he swung the door open without knocking.

Stefan was on the bed, reading a book when he gasped in surprise at the sight of his naked, wet brother.

"Damon! Clothes! Get out!" he snapped, averting his eyes.

"Not until you give me back my towels!" Damon shot back, his hands in front of his private parts, covering them with the pillow.

"You're dripping all over the _expensive_ hard-wooden floor!" Stefan scolded angrily.

"Thanks for that _new_ piece of information you little genius. Would you consider giving me a towel now?" he replied dryly.

"The towels are gone… There was a leak in the water pipe in the cellar so I had to use them all to clean it up this afternoon. So the towels are dirty and wet waiting in the laundry basket."

"AGR! Never heard of washing? You put the damn things in the fucking machine, add soap and PUSH THE RED BOTTON. Was that really too much to ask?" Damon shot back irritated.

"If you hadn't scared _Elena_ off you would have had nice clean towels in your bathroom and a nice breakfast this morning," Stefan told him pedantic.

"You are not doing any laundry?" Damon questioned.

"No, I don't Damon," Stefan replied.

"I have work tomorrow Stefan and I need my shirts! I don't have time to wash and iron in the evening,"

"That sounds like… YOUR problem. Now get out!" Stefan replied.

The next few days there were multiple fights over the dirty floors and the soot in the fireplace. They argued about anything and everything that came to mind. The house got filthier by the hour and neither of them bothered to take the vacuum cleaner out or to do the dishes anymore.

**xXx**

Saturday afternoon Elena's phone beeped as she and Caroline were walking down the street.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: I won't be mad if you come home NOW.

This wasn't the first time he'd texted her this week but she hadn't replied yet. She needed this time with Caroline to calm down a bit from the past couple of weeks.

"Hahaha!" Elena laughed out loud reading his message.

"What is it?" Caroline inquired.

"Damon is feeling lonely."

"What's so funny about that?" Caroline wanted to know.

"The fact that he is completely incapable of conveying any real emotion."

"Are you going to reply?"

"Yes, I am." Elena grinned.

_To_: Damon  
_Message_: Thank you so much but you'll have to do better than that.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: Fine, tell me what you want to hear.

A smile lit up Elena's face as she read the key line to one of her favorite One Republic songs, was he doing this on purpose? Probably not.

_To_: Damon  
_Message_: The truth.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: Well, the house is getting very dirty and my shirts need ironing.

Elena scoffed and put her phone away.

"Done texting?" Caroline asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Elena replied pushing Damon out of her mind. How dare he insult her like that?

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: That was a joke of course.

Elena ignored his message and put her phone away once again. If he honestly thought that was going to cut it he was dead wrong.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: I'm sorry, please reply.

Elena switched her phone of, feeling hurt.

She and Caroline had a nice afternoon buying new clothes. When they got back home and put on the third season of friends of the ump-teeth time she checked her phone again. Her inbox was filled with messages from Damon.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: Elena, you see when I get nervous I have this thing where I talk too much. Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up. That's when I need to talk to someone, anyone who will listen and that is where I seem to mess up.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: I forget about the consequences, for a minute there I lose my senses. And in the heat of the moment my mouth starts going and the words start flowing.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: But I never meant to hurt you. I know it's time that I learned to treat the people that actually talk to me like I would like them to treat me. Just know that I have learned my lesson now.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: Come on Elena, please reply! I'm sorry that you got hurt and I feel bad. Guess karma does come back around 'cause now no one is talking to me anymore. *pouts*

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: Please Elena, the rest of those lyrics don't apply so I'm officially out of words.

Elena smiled to herself. He could really be sweet sometimes.

_To_: Damon  
_Message_: Its fine, nobody's perfect, right?

Damon grinned reading her response. He relaxed into the sofa, at least she wasn't mad anymore.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: So, are you coming back?

_To_: Damon  
_Message_: I'll think about it.

_From_: Damon  
_Message_: Don't think too long…

**xXx**

_Italy, June, three years ago._

_Damon was sitting on the terrace beneath the balcony to hide from the sun. It was incredibly hot outside and his back was still burned from a few days ago. He'd just opened a new book when he heard Stefan leading his best friend Lexi to the balcony above him. Great. He tried concentrating on the first chapter but he couldn't help overhearing his brother's conversation above him._

_"Stefan, I know something's up, why don't you save us both some time and tell me?" Lexi urged. Damon's lips quirked up in a smile. He didn't particularly like her but she sure knew how to get to the point, a trait he admired._

_"It's Damon," Stefan told her with a sigh. Damon looked up from his book, shocked. This was new information to him._

_"What did he do now?" Lexi inquired. Damon grimaced, that girl always expected the worst of him._

_"Nothing," Stefan replied softly. "That's it. He doesn't even talk to me lately…"_

_It was quiet on the balcony for a while._

_"What would you like him to talk to you about then?" Lexi wondered._

_"Graduation is coming up, I'm supposed to write a speech as Valedictorian and I really wish he'd be there in the crowd. He means a lot to me, even if he doesn't feel the same way."_

_"Oh Stefan," Lexi comforted, probably hugging him. "I'm sure your father will make sure he's there."_

_"That's the point. I wish he'd be there because he wanted to…"_

_Damon left the terrace and walked over to his favorite hill, the one by the water that looked over their estate. Most day's he missed Boston, where he'd lived growing up until he was six. But when he was on his hill enjoying the nature surrounding him he was fine with Italy, even if he had no memories of his mom on their new estate._

_He fell asleep on the grass below an old white oak tree he loved to climb. When he woke, Stefan was sitting next to him on a fallen trunk, watching him. Damon gazed at him sleepily and Stefan quickly averted his eyes._

_"I'm sorry, I'll go," he replied feeling embarrassed._

_"Don't," Damon stopped him, standing up and moving over to Stefan. He put his hand briefly on his brother's shoulder before sitting down. "It's been a while since we talked, huh?"_

_"You overheard Lexi and me," Stefan said softly, cheeks flushing._

_Damon hesitated "…I did."_

_"You don't have to do this Damon," Stefan insisted._

_"I think I do, since you seem to be oblivious to the fact that despite what everyone might believe: I do care."_

_Stefan's lips quirked up into a smile and he relaxed a bit._

_"So, you made it to Valedictorian huh? Congratz. Have you chosen a college yet?" Damon wondered._

_"I wanted to move back to Boston, to our old home. I was going to ask you to join me this summer but I-" his voice trailed off._

_"Of course I want to join you, I was planning on leaving myself this summer and I've always loved the boarding house…"_

_Stefan knew he was remembering the time when their mother was still alive. His father had moved them to Italy only two weeks after her death and Damon never felt at home in their new house in Florence. Stefan on the other hand loved Florence._

_"I was surprised you didn't leave sooner, after your own graduation for instance."_

_"I wanted to, but I couldn't," Damon answered truthfully._

_"Why?" Stefan questioned curiously._

_"I promised mom I'd always protect you. I won't ever leave you alone with Father and Katherine."_

_"What happened between you and Katherine? You two always act strange around each other."_

_"Nothing for you to worry about," Damon replied curtly. "Tell me this Stefan: why Boston of all places?"_

_Stefan didn't reply and stared ahead into the distance._

_"Come on, there has to be a reason," Damon urged him._

_"Because I've always felt like something was missing… I never knew mom like you did but I still miss her. Maybe living in her old house, preferably with you would fill some of the void…"_

_"Oh Stefan," Damon ruffled his hair. "You know we could leave right after graduation and go to Boston early. The house will need a lot of work... It's been tenantless for almost twenty years now. We could spend all summer there, fixing it up together. When it's all done and cleaned up we can live there together. I could find a job there; we could live together. Just the two of us." Without Katherine he added in his head._

_Stefan beamed up at him: "Are you serious about this?"_

_"Of course I am!" Damon replied a little insulted. "There's nowhere I'd rather be!"_

_"It's decided then," Stefan concluded shaking his brother's hand eagerly._

_"Here you boys are! I've been looking everywhere for you!" Katherine's girlish voice spoke from behind them. "Damon, I have an issue that requires your help dear," she added sweetly._

_Damon's skin began to itch with the need to hurt her "Can't you see I'm busy?" he snapped back._

_"Stefan, would you-" Katherine started._

_"Fine." Damon interrupted._

_Katherine took his arm but he shook her off. "Stop it!" he hissed quietly._

_"Talk to you later Damon!" Stefan bid him farewell._

_Katherine led the way and pulled Damon into a shed somewhere between the woods. The place was deserted, no one ever visited this site of the estate._

_Katherine slowly undid his belt and Damon closed his eyes, desperately trying to remember the lyrics to one of his favorite songs. He tried locking himself up in a virtual cocoon, distancing himself from his body. It didn't work this time though and he felt helpless once again._

**_xXx_**

Stefan woke in the middle of the night, glancing around anxiously in search of what had woken him. Then he heard more noises, they were coming from Damon's room. A sigh escaped his lips: his brother was having one of his infamous nightmares again, some things never change. Stefan had grown used to them by now. They'd woken him many times over the years. When they were younger most nights he used to wake Damon, offer him a glass of water and fall asleep next to him on the double bed. The thought crossed his mind. No. It was ridiculous. Damon was a grown man now; he didn't need his little brother to wake him up anymore. Stefan turned around and put his pillow over his head, falling asleep a little while later.

**xXx**

The next day Damon left early for work again and Stefan didn't think it was worth mentioning. Stefan missed Elena terribly, so much he was even considering driving over to Ridgefield and dragging her back himself. Though Stefan had a very different upbringing than his brother, there had always been a void he couldn't seem to fill. No matter how hard his father had tried to compensate for the death of the boys' mother, he couldn't really connect to either of his sons and in Damon's case he didn't even try. While Damon had been all alone, Stefan had had the comfort of having a wet nurse who loved him with all her heart. But the lovely Eléonore, as she was called, had found a dazzling suitor and had followed him to the ends of the world, never looking back to the little boy she left.

Stefan met Elena during his first summer in Boston; they'd met during the induction days and followed the same lectures. When Elena moved into the boarding house everything changed for Stefan. She'd become his best friend and he loved her like a sister. She was the one who always knew exactly what to say to him and he could talk to her about almost anything.

Elena had filled the void in his life and she made missing his mother and his brother bearable. After all these years he was used to having her around all day every day and sharing every aspect of his life with her. With Damon around he needed her more than ever to tell him what to do and how to deal with this but she just left.

It hurt Stefan more then he cared to admit. His mother had died, Eléonore had disappeared and Damon had abandoned him but he never thought Elena would ever do this to him. Contrary to Damon, Stefan hadn't sent her a single text. He was angry at her for leaving, he thought they were stronger than this.

He stared at the phone in his hands once again and deleted another message. She would have to message him first. He could not be the one to take the first step, not this time. The first day she left he'd been worried sick and called Elijah, Bonnie and Caroline to see if any of them had seen her. Caroline had reassured him immediately that she was fine and he could relax. He texted her a few times that first evening, asking her explicitly not to inform Elena. He needed Elena to take the first step herself, without feeling pressured. Caroline had surprisingly understood, sending him daily updates on what she and Elena had done that day. He was grateful for her support. They never really talked before this week but he was glad he got to know her a little bit better, there was more to her than he had first thought.

**xXx**

_It was one o'clock at night when Damon heard his door squeak. Dread filled him slowly as he saw her silhouette sneak into his room. She gingerly slipped her slippers off and lifted the blanket to climb into the double bed. She put her cold feet to his calves "My Damon, always so nice and warm," she sighed happily, content._

_Damon turned around to face her as she trailed her hand up his chest. He wasn't wearing a shirt, it was too warm these days for that. Damon took her hand gently in his and lay it down between them._

_"Can we talk for a moment?" he asked her hesitantly._

_"Of course we can," Katherine replied. "What would you like to say my man?" _

_Damon hated her nicknames for him but ignored it for the time being. "Katherine, I know you're lonely but forcing me to sleep with you is not the way to fix that. You could meet someone who wants you, I could cover for you when you sneak out of the house. It doesn't have to be this way, we could both be happy," he suggested, pleading with his eyes._

_"My sweet Damon," Katherine chided, "You still don't want to admit it, do you?" she continued, stroking his check tentatively._

_"There was a time when you thought of me as your best friend, Damon. A time when you told me you were hoping I'd never leave. Remember how we used to talk for hours, how your eyes lit up whenever I used to walk in? From the first time I touched you, your body betrayed you Damon, and you've always craved my touch."_

_Damon felt sick to his stomach. There had indeed been a time when Katherine and he had been very close. She'd been the first one to take an interest in time, to care about him. The first weeks she'd lived in their home had been the best since his mother died. When she came onto him however he'd rejected her from the very first moment, what she told him wasn't true. He'd never craved her touch, she had always made him feel dirty. _

_It was true though that she'd gotten a physical reaction from him once, but that had nothing to do with love or feelings. Male bodies around the age of puberty had a habit of having a life of their own at times. It didn't mean he liked it. He'd been worried about that for a long time and had done his research on the internet. Turned out he was right: the fact that she got a reaction didn't mean a thing. He hated her, hated what she did to him and he was right to tell her no._

_"I never wanted you Katherine, deep down you know. Get out of my room," Damon told her._

_"You know, I heard you talking to Stefan earlier, moving to the boarding house. Just the two of you. You're finally leaving me aren't you?"_

_"I am and he'll be joining so you can't get to either of us anymore. Get out now, you're done here."_

_"What an audacity Damon! When did you learn to speak up for yourself?" she asked him mockingly. "As far as the offer goes, I'm going to have to decline. I think I'll enjoy the next few weeks until you leave."_

_"No you're not, I'm not doing this anymore," Damon told her firmly._

_"If you don't I'll inform your Father tomorrow that I'll be joining the two of you for the summer. I've always wanted to see what your mother's house looked like. I think her room will do perfectly as mine," she mused._

_"You wouldn't!" Damon replied, feeling anxious._

_"I think you know I would," Katherine told him, and Damon knew she was right._

_"You've been a bad boy today Damon, denying how much you want this, trying to kick me out, attempting to run off to Boston… How shall I deal with you?" she wondered out loud, trailing her nail across his stomach._

_"I know," Katherine said grinning. "You can be on top this time. I know you haven't done that before since normally I prefer it the other way around but I've noticed how you try to close yourself off sometimes. Maybe letting you take control will make you experience it more deeply, you'll be more aware of how you're enjoying yourself, won't you?" she asked him seductively._

_Damon shook his head from left to right robotically. "Please don't make me," he whispered brokenly._

_Katherine locked her eyes to his: "No joy for me, no Boston for you," she stated, "By the way: I could still go to Stefan, see if he'd be willing to save your summer…"_

_Katherine pulled him into a sitting position and lay down next to him, pulling at his body until he was straddling her. For the first time and all those times they'd done this, tears filled his eyes. He'd never felt degraded, humiliated, weak. Katherine let him go after a minute, noticing that this wouldn't work. She lay him down beside her and trailed her hands down his chest and lower._

**xXx**

"NO, please!" Stefan woke once again and tried muffling the sounds with his pillow. It was no use. After a few minutes he stood up and walked over to Damon's room. Damon's body was glistening with sweat and his covers lay twisted and discarded on the ground. He was tossing and turning while mumbling incoherently. Damon was obviously in agony and Stefan couldn't watch any longer. He touched his brother's shoulder and shook him gently.

"Damon, wake up. You're ok Damon, it's just a dream," he spoke softly.

Damon woke with a start and stared at Stefan wide-eyed, glancing anxiously from left to right. "Get back to your room Stefan or she'll hear us." he told Stefan hushed.

"She's not home Damon" Stefan told him.

Damon's breathing grew more ragged "That's what she wants us to think and suddenly, she'll be there and-, and-" Damon's breaths quickened and Stefan was afraid he was going to start hyperventilating.

"Damon, look at me. You are fine, you are safe, and it was just a dream. Now take a deep breath, I'm here"

"You have to go, Stefan! She'll find you, she'll-, she'll…" Damon was struggling.

"Elena's at Caroline's Damon, we are all alone. Why are you so frightened?"

"Elena?" he questioned. Then it clicked. This was 2014. He wasn't in Italy. His breathing slowed down again and his muscles relaxed again.

"Who else?" Stefan questioned.

Damon was quiet.

"Damon, what are your nightmares about?" Stefan urged.

"I'm fine now," Damon replied. "You can go to sleep again."

"Damon. I want to know what's wrong. You've been having these nightmares for a while now and judging on what I saw tonight they are even worse than they used to be. You were scared out of your mind. What's going on?" Stefan added softly.

"Nothing that concerns you," Damon replied curtly, almost recovered from the flashback.

"YOU concern me!" Stefan shot back.

"I didn't when you chose Katherine at your graduation!" Damon snapped.

** xXx**

**A very warm and heartfelt thank you to ****livinginalostgeneration for making this chapter so much better using her superior grammar skills.**


	10. Holding on and letting go

**Without any further ado. Here's _your_ tenth chapter :D**

**xXx**

"I didn't when you chose Katherine at graduation!" Damon snapped.

Stefan stared at his brother in silence, he'd never thought about it like that. "What do you mean Damon?" he questioned softly.

"I mean that you should get out, this brotherly bonding is over!" Damon barked.

"I think we should talk about this," Stefan tried.

"I think you have me confused for someone who cares." Damon informed him sarcastically.

"Don't do this Damon."

"Do what?" he retorted.

"Run away from any kind of decent conversation."

"There won't be any decent kind of conversation until you admit that you were wrong!" Damon interjected exasperated, "Now get the hell out of my room, I don't want you here."

"Fine."

"Fine." Damon agreed.

**xXx**

Next morning at breakfast Stefan was eating his cereals in silences while Damon was making coffee for himself. He'd just sent Elena a new message.

_To_: Elena  
_Message_: When are you coming home?

_From_: Elena  
_Message_: After you two have talked.

An aggravated sigh left Damon's lips. She wouldn't give up, would she? Stefan was eying his brother's frustration amusedly. "What's up Damon?" he questioned acting all chipper. Damon showed him the message.

"Guess we're having a conversation… You can start," Damon informed Stefan dryly.

"Oh no, that ship has sailed yesterday evening. If you want to talk you can start yourself," Stefan replied smugly.

Damon gave him a glare and moved to the living room. Only minutes later Stefan followed suit, sitting opposed to him on the sofa, taunting Damon. Both brothers were reading a magazine, glancing at the other one from time to time. Neither of them said a word but the inevitable conversation was looming over them like a dark shadow. After a few minutes Damon couldn't take it any longer and he moved over to his piano.

Stefan eyed him curiously as Damon gently lifted the lid and slid his fingers over the keys. He only put his right hand on the keys, intending to play the vocals of a chorus he knew Stefan would recognize.

His younger brother grinned as Damon played the first telltale notes of The Cure's 'Let's Go To Bed'. It was an old song recorded around his birth year. Stefan loved music from the eighties and the nineties, bands like Oasis, Radiohead, Live, U2, R.E.M. or The Cure. It was one of the few things the brothers had in common.

"Have to admit, this is a good one." Stefan congratulated him earnestly remembering the lyrics of the chorus. He was really impressed by Damon's creativity.

_I don't want it if you don't __  
__And I won't say it_  
_If you won't say it first _

As Damon finished the song, Stefan admitted defeat. He was in a good mood after all. "Fine, I'll start. But only because of the song," he told Damon.

Damon stood up from the piano and sunk down in the sofa.

"I'm sorry you were hurt Damon, it was never my intention and I guess I never saw things from your perspective," he forced out in one breath.

"Ok," Damon acknowledged.

"Aren't you going to apologize as well?" Stefan asked his brother.

"Well Stefan, sometimes I do things I shouldn't do," he told his brother with a grin.

"Are you seriously recycling that crap apology you used to give the kid next door?" Stefan questioned irritated.

"Worked back then, didn't it?" Damon replied.

"It's not real Damon." Stefan told him, his tone sad.

"Tell me your side in this, maybe it'll make me more genuine." he added, unable to keep the disdain out of his voice.

"Fine," Stefan replied, taking a deep breath. "I remember the two of us making a pact to take on the world together. I remember you promising me you would move to Boston with me and we could live together, just the two of us. I remember being a lonely 17 year old boy who felt like the pieces were falling into place for the first time in his life."

He swallowed before continuing.

"I was Valedictorian in my year, remember? This meant I could write a speech. I knew you'd be bored watching the whole ceremony and I felt bad for forcing you through it, so I adjusted my speech in order to put a smile on your face. I wrote about new beginnings, but it applied as much to us as it did to graduation. I wrote about how no one could make it on their own in life and I laced my speech with quotes from your favorite songs. You would have loved it Damon, I made sure of it. My last words were a reference to R.E.M. as I stated that leaving high school would be the end of the world as we knew it, but it just felt like a new beginning for me. The audience erupted in applause and everyone loved how I played with the lyrics."

"I didn't even get a chance to enjoy the attention. My eyes were filled with tears. Luckily everyone thought it was because I was emotional about leaving. No one guessed it had to do with you… A week later I packed my suitcase, alone. You'd already left. I didn't even know where to. When I arrived in Boston I didn't know anyone. It was just me and the housekeeper our father got me. I spent days working my way through your old toys, pictures of mom and all her old things. It was a hard time, I wished you would have been there…" Stefan's voice trailed off. "But that's my side of the story. What about you?"

Damon was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry Stefan. Honestly. I don't really know what else to say," he paused for a moment. "I wish I would have been there too," he added after a while.

"What happened between you and Katherine, Damon?" Stefan questioned softly.

Damon looked down at the floor.

"You know you can tell me anything…" Stefan urged.

"It was nothing. I was just being stupid. I should have stayed at graduation. I guess I never realized how much you cared."

"Damon… I know there was more to that incident than what meets the eye. You wouldn't have left if it was no big deal and your nightmares Damon, they affect you like nothing else I've ever seen… I'm not blind." Stefan told him.

"Stefan I can't talk about this." Damon replied, trying to keep his calm.

"I think you have to." Stefan responded.

"You don't understand!" Damon spat out, making exasperated gestures with his arms.

"Then make me understand!" Stefan replied using the same uncompromising tone.

"I apologized, I said I'm sorry. It's all my fault. There! Are you happy?" Damon nearly shouted.

"Tell me what happened between you and Katherine!" Stefan demanded.

"No!" Damon replied, turning away. Stefan got hold of his hand and turned him back until they stood face to face.

"Let. Go. Of. Me." Damon spoke slowly, menacingly. He shook his arm loose and ran up the stairs, closing his door behind him with a loud BANG.

**xXx**

Elena and Caroline were just leaving for the movies when Elena's phone rang. Stefan was calling, she picked up curiously, she hadn't heard from him in days.

"Stefan!" she exclaimed enthusiastically.

"Hi Elena," he replied softly.

"Are you ok?" Elena wondered, concerned.

"Not really… You need to come home Elena."

"What's going on? I haven't heard from you all week." Elena said.

"Well, you didn't call me either." Stefan replied hurt.

"Stefan… you know this wasn't just about you." Elena replied, her tone gentle.

"Are you sure? Because it felt as though you left and didn't bother to let me know whether you'd ever be coming back." he told her.

Elena sat down on the nearest bench. "I'm sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you. You know that if you would have called I would have picked up."

"Maybe I wanted you to be the one to call… Not that it surprised me, I'm used to people leaving, just never thought it would be you to be honest," he told her, his voice laced with bitterness.

Elena inhaled audibly, trying to figure out how to respond. "Stefan, I love you like my brother. You are family to me! I would never leave you. This was just me taking a break. I was stressed out and I'm on vacation at Caroline's. You knew I'd come back, didn't you? If I had known how this would make you feel, I wouldn't have left in the first place. I'm really sorry about everything. It's late now but I'll come home tomorrow, I promise."

"It's ok. Maybe I'm just overreacting, I just miss having my little sister around." he told her, his tone lighter again.

"Great! Then sit tight tonight and we'll talk more tomorrow!" Elena told him enthusiastically.

"Actually, there's one more thing we need to discuss." Stefan told her, his tone serious.

"Ok, what is it?" Elena wondered curiously.

"I didn't actually call for me… There's something up with Damon," he informed her.

"What happened?" Elena questioned.

"We talked. You were right by the way, we did need to talk. I told him my side of the story and he apologized, earnestly. He was almost too quick giving in. That's when I asked him to tell me his side and he shut down completely…"

"I know Damon's behavior can seem a little… out of place sometimes. But I think there's a reason behind all of this. We shouldn't force him to talk about it. I think he'll open up eventually but on his own terms. Just let him be for a while," Elena responded.

"Ever since our last conversation he's locked himself up in his room Elena. He hasn't even eaten this evening. I strongly believe he needs help and though I can't believe I'm saying this, I believe he needs you." Stefan told her.

"Why?" Elena inquired.

"Because he's different with you… He hasn't connected with anyone the way he has with you. Your text this morning is what tipped him over the edge to start a conversation. I don't think you know how much power you posses over him Elena. If there's anyone who can help him, it's you." Stefan explained.

Elena took an uneasy breath.

"Then what would you like me to do?" she questioned.

"Use the spare key and break down some of the walls he's rapidity pulling up around himself." Stefan explained.

"Damon has a right to his privacy Stefan. He's a 26 year old man, not a child. When he needs help, he'll ask for it." Elena retorted, a little offended by Stefan's plan.

"Fine. But if he starves, it's on you," he snapped back, ready to end the conversation.

"Wait!" Elena intervened. "Give it a little time. I won't force myself in but if he hasn't left his room by tomorrow evening, I promise I'll try," she compromised.

"Thank you, Elena. It means a lot."

"It's not an issue Stefan. You know I care about you, both of you."

"I do," Stefan told her reassuringly. "I'll leave you now, I'm sure you have plans."

"Goodnight Stefan, sleep well," Elena told him sweetly.

"Goodnight," he returned.

"Oh... And Stefan?"

"Yes?"

"About our friendship: We might push and pull, we might even fall down sometimes. But I'm not ever letting go, you hold the other side of the line," she said softly.

Stefan grinned. "Right back at ya!" he told her.

**xXx**

Sunday morning, both girls were in Elena's car driving back to Boston. Caroline had decided to join Elena since there was still a lot of her stuff in Klaus' apartment.

"Are you sure you don't mind me borrowing you car?" Caroline asked.

"Of course I don't. Public transport in Boston works way better than here in Ridgefield. You do remember how to drive right?" Elena joked.

"Why does everyone always think I'm stupid?" Caroline exclaimed.

"Relax Care, I was just joking," Elena clarified.

"I'm sorry. I'm just nervous about meeting Klaus again. I don't really know what to say to him," Caroline apologized.

"Does he know you're coming?"

"Yes, I sent him a text."

"Then I don't see any issue. Just be yourself and you'll be fine. He should be the one worrying, not you."

"I guess you're right," Caroline replied, visibly relaxing. "Will you come along? I don't think I can handle facing him alone."F

"Of course I will." Elena responded convincingly.

"Thanks! You're the best!" Caroline said, hugging Elena.

**xXx**

Three hours later the girls were standing in front of the Mikaelson apartment complex. Caroline was fidgeting while Elena rang the doorbell next to Klaus' name.

Klaus activated the camera and saw them standing nervously on the porch so he pressed the button to open the door, without comment. When they reached the penthouse he swung the door open as soon as he heard Caroline's telltale heals approaching.

"I'm so glad you made it, Love!" he spoke in his trademark London schoolboy accent.

"Not your _Love_ anymore." Caroline replied dryly, pushing him away as he tried to kiss her on the cheek.

"Caroline, please! I thought we could be civilized about this." he pouted, leading them into his expensively decorated living room. Elena noticed Elijah was sitting in an armchair by the glass wall, overlooking the city. Relieved she walked over to his side and greeted him."

"Hi," she whispered in an attempt not to draw too much attention to herself. Elijah gave her a warm smile. Caroline and Klaus were completely oblivious to their exchange as they were staring each other down on the other site of the room.

"Would you like to get out of here?" Elijah offered with a shy smile. Elena shot a meaningful glance at Caroline. Elijah understood. He walked over to where the ex-couple was standing.

"I image you two would like some privacy to talk?" he spoke in his usual polished accent. Klaus nodded.

"Are you sure about this?" Elena asked Caroline, "If you'd like me to stay you just have to say the word," she offered, silently hoping Caroline would allow her to leave before the tension made her sick.

"I think Klaus and I could use a talk." Caroline said softly to Elena though she was still glaring at Klaus.

"Come." Elijah ushered Elena out.

**xXx**

Stefan made breakfast for two and walked over to Damon's room, giving the door a gentle knock. There was no response. He knocked a bit harder, stating firmly: "Damon, I have ham and eggs here. Open up and accept your breakfast." Still, there wasn't any response.

"Damon, you didn't eat yesterday. I know you don't want to talk but please open up. You're starting to worry me."

"Damon, if you don't open that damn door I'm calling Elena!"

"Damon! Open up, I'm worried about you!"

"Could you at least give me some indication you're still breathing on the other side?"

Damon sauntered over to the door and swung it open widely. He took the plate from Stefan's hands and walked back over to his bed, attempting to use his foot to close the door behind him.

Stefan walked in behind him, relieved that his brother appeared to be ok.

"Ready to tell me why you left three years ago?" Stefan started, skipping to the point.

"No, I'm not. But thanks for the food," Damon quipped.

"Ok, then I'll be staying until you are," Stefan replied determined.

Damon leaned against the headboard and plugged his earplugs in, lying relaxed across his bed.

"This isn't going to work Damon; you can't keep this up forever."

"Try me." Damon replied, ignoring Stefan for the next full hour.

After over 70 minutes Stefan moved to Damon's bathroom and Damon smirked as his brother closed the door. In a matter of seconds he barricaded the door. Stefan heard the movements and yelled "What the hell are you doing?"

It didn't take him long to figure out Damon had locked him in. He pushed and shoved against the door but it was no use, Damon was stronger than him.

"You can't keep me locked in here forever; Elena will come home any second now."

"I like that confidence Stefan. I don't share it, but I like it!" Damon smirked.

"Let me out!" Stefan growled.

"Use the window; it's only the first floor."

"It's too high."

Stefan kept yelling but Damon interjected: "Inserting earplugs, can't hear a word you say."

A few minutes later he saw his brother struggling down from the window. Stefan touched the ground unscathed, it really hadn't been that high. Damon glanced relieved at the two locked doors of his room and continued enjoying his music.

**xXx**

"Are you sure they'll be fine?" Elena questioned Elijah as he let her into his own apartment.

"They've been together for quite some time. Once they push their differences aside I'm sure they can retrieve some of the friendship that used to bind them." Elijah replied.

"I still can't believe your brother cheated on her!"

"Neither can I, to be honest."

"Why do people cheat?" Elena questioned him.

"I don't know. I think most people cheat because they pay more attention to what they are missing than to what they actually have. But Klaus had a good thing going with Caroline, I really have no clue why he would make such a stupid mistake." Elijah said thoughtfully.

"It wasn't just a mistake! A mistake is when you would accidentally kiss someone thinking she's your girlfriend. Chances of that happening are slim to none except when your girlfriend has an identical twin. Klaus made a choice. He knew exactly what he was doing and who he was doing it with."

"Fair point," Elijah replied, "You should know, however, that not all of us are like that," he added.

"You men or you Mikaelsons?" Elena questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Both," Elijah grinned.

"Great! Because I would definitely kick your ass if you'd ever do that to a girl!" Elena responded seriously, completely oblivious to the longing look Elijah was giving her.

**xXx**

At five o' clock precisely the doorbell of the Boarding House rang. "Elena! You're back!" Stefan exclaimed relieved, enveloping his best friend in his arms. He held her tightly. It felt good to have her back. "Don't leave us again." he told her softly. Elena stepped back a little, not loosening her grip on his biceps as she assured him she'd learned her lesson.

Caroline was standing a few meters away, giving them some space. Stefan noticed her uncomfortable demeanor and walked over to her. "Hi Caroline!" he greeted, giving her a chaste kiss on her cheek. "Sorry about all the drama, I'm happy you decided to join us." he offered, smiling shyly.

"I'm happy to be here Stefan." she told him as he invited the girls inside.

"Speaking about that," Elena started hesitantly, "Could Caroline spend the night? She'll be staying for dinner and I don't want her driving back to Ridgefield late at night." she asked, looking expectantly at Stefan.

"Of course she can! You know you don't have to ask these things Elena, this is your home too. We have more than enough rooms," he replied.

"Thanks!" Elena and Caroline said in unison before looking at each other and giggling.

Elena inspected the corridor and the living room and was surprised by how clean everything looked. "Wow, you two actually kept the house straight," she complimented Stefan.

Stefan flushed, a little embarrassed. "Well, we didn't at first. But by Wednesday we discovered the disadvantages of no clean laundry, dirty floors and no groceries and somehow we ended up actually doing the household chores. Though I must admit Damon is better at those things than I am. He can actually cook a decent meal since he lived alone for quite some time. Thursday I let some eggs go up in ashes and smoke after forgetting to put butter in the frying pan and my laundry experiment kind of turned one of your towels pink," he confessed flushing.

Caroline smiled "How did you do that?" she inquired, giggling.

"By washing it with my new red sweater."

"New clothes have to be washed separately Stefan," Elena scolded laughing. "But you get an A for effort," she added when she say his face go a darker shade of red.

"I'm just happy you're back, not just for laundry," Stefan replied, closing the subject.

"Me too!" Elena assured him. "Let's go cook now, I'm starving." Elena told them and Caroline shot her a grateful smile.

Stefan and Caroline were cutting carrots together while Elena was in the basement looking for more ingredients. "Thanks for not telling her about my texts," Stefan whispered to Caroline.

"It's ok, no big deal," Caroline assured him, giving him a 2000 Watt smile. "Why can't she know again?" Caroline asked curiously.

"Because I think of her as my little sister and I don't want to come off as intrusive and controlling. I want her to be happy, meet a good guy, go on vacations, but I can't help to feel concerned when she leaves, you know," Stefan explained.

Caroline gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I understand. I'm happy you're looking out for her, she could use more friends like you," she told him earnestly.

"Found something!" Elena exclaimed holding up peppers, mushrooms, onions and other things they could use to make spaghetti sauce. After some more preparations Elena couldn't bite her tongue any longer and asked Stefan the question that had been on her mind ever since she got here. "Stefan, how is Damon doing?" she questioned tentatively.

Stefan grimaced and replied reserved. "Great. I had to argue with him for ages in order to get him to open up his door for breakfast, only to have him ignore me for the next hour. In the end I had to go to the men's room and he barricaded his bathroom door, effectively locking me in."

Caroline gasped shocked and Elena had to stifle an inappropriate chuckle.

"Oh My God!" Caroline exclaimed. "How dare he?" she added disgusted. "How did you manage to get out?"

"Through the window,"

"Really?" Elena questioned. "You didn't hurt yourself, did you?" she asked him concerned.

"No, I did not." Stefan reassured her.

"Well, this is not the end of this!" Elena told him angrily. "That was out of line, even for Damon!" she added. "In fact, I think I'll go up there now and have a word," she added, dropping the pepper she'd been cutting.

"I don't think that's a good plan," Stefan stopped her. "I was mad at first too but then I thought about it and realized that this messed up behaviour is just a sign that something's up. I don't think he needs to be scolded, I think he needs help."

"What do you suggest then? Elena challenged.

"I was thinking that maybe you could try and talk to him this evening, just the two of you. He trusts you and if he's going to open up to anyone, I'll be you,"

Elena swallowed for a moment.

"Why are you so hell bent on letting me help him after what he did to you today?"

"Because acting out is just his way of coping Elena, I've seen it before. Two nights ago he was having a nightmare. You should have seen him. He was actually frightened! I know it can't be the first time, he's had them before. Something is definitely up." Stefan explained.

"I don't know if Damon even wants my help in this. I've offered it before but ever since you got here he's shutting me out again." Elena said thoughtfully. She didn't know what to think for a moment. Helping Damon was part of her plan from the start, but she couldn't quite forgive him yet for locking Stefan up like that.

"I have a plan!" Caroline interjected, suddenly involving herself in the conversation.

Stefan and Elena looked up at her expectantly.

"Since Stefan and I are only going to be in your way tonight, why don't we go out and see a movie? That way we won't be home before midnight and you'll have some peace and quiet to deal with Damon," she clarified.

"That's fine by me," Stefan agreed. He looked forward to spending the evening with Caroline, she'd surprised him the last few days and he wanted to get to know her better.

"Then it's a deal!" Elena concluded, nodding.

**xXx**

By eight o' clock in the evening all the dishes were done, the kitchen was cleaned and Caroline had changed into one of Elena's cocktail dresses. They'd made a bed for Caroline and prepared her room.

"Have a lovely evening you two!" Elena told them genuinely. Stefan gave her a happy smile and Caroline grabbed his arm to keep her balance on the high heels she was wearing.

"You too Elena!" Caroline replied before disappearing in Stefan's car.

Elena closed the door behind them and took a deep breath. This was it. She took Damon's portion of spaghetti out of the fridge and put it in the microwave. When it was finally warm, she made her way to his room and hesitantly knocked on his door. There was no reply so she knocked harder.

"Who's there?" Damon inquired.

"Food." Elena replied.

She could hear Damon jump to his feet and the door was open only seconds later.

"Hey." he greeted her.

"Wow, that was easy!" she said with a frown, handing him the plate. "Your brother informed me you weren't accepting visitors in your dungeon."

"First of all, you are not my brother and secondly, this is not a dungeon. We're on the first floor."

"That didn't stop you from locking Stefan up!" she replied accusingly.

"I didn't want to talk to him, Elena!" Damon told her by way of exasperatedly.

"So you locked him up?" Elena retorted, disapproval lacing her voice.

"It was very effective." Damon whispered mockingly as if he was letting her in on a big secret.

"Fine!" Elena huffed, sitting down on his bed. She crossed her legs underneath her and sat opposed to the headboard. Damon closed the door behind her and sunk down against the headboard, making himself comfortable with the plate on his lap.

"This tastes excellent." Damon complimented with a mount full of pasta.

"I'm sure it does. Stefan told me you didn't eat yesterday," Elena responded a bit concerned.

"Stefan didn't know about the secret stash of cereals in the drawer," Damon replied, smirking.

"Why didn't you tell him? He was worried about you!" Elena exclaimed.

"It wouldn't be a secret then, would it? By the way, if Stefan's concern for me is what brought you back, I have no regrets." he retorted wiggling his eyebrows in a typical Damon fashion.

Elena snorted "Now I come to think of it, why would you have a secret stash of cereals up here, again?"

"Because you weren't here to shop for groceries!" he replied, rolling his eyes as if she'd just asked the world's stupidest question.

"I'm sorry, that came out wrong," Damon apologized when he saw her face fall.

"It's ok, I just don't like to be reminded of the fact that I'm housekeeping for a living and I especially don't like talking about it." Elena explained.

"Is that why you suddenly stopped texting the other day?" Damon inquired.

"Yes and it was very effective." Elena said sarcastically, mimicking his earlier words.

Damon grinned slightly. "So, where's my baby bro? Brooding somewhere in a dark corner?"

"Actually, he's talking my best friend to the movies tonight. The one who's ex-boyfriend we met in that bar." Elena informed him.

"So he's missing your first night back? That sure doesn't sound like him!" Damon replied, making it sound very mysterious.

"Stefan thought we could use some time to talk." Elena replied carefully.

"Did he now? Fine. How was your week Elena? Did you miss the laundry?" he challenged, knowing this would upset her.

She crossed her arms "Stop deflecting Damon, its weak!" she retorted coldly.

"Never told you I wasn't weak!" Damon shot back bitterly.

Elena was surprised by the seriousness in his voice. The words didn't fit his macho-like, closed-off demeanor.

"Stop the self pity Damon, you're not weak." she told him firmly.

"You don't even know the story. You have no clue what you're talking about." Damon snapped at her, his voice bitter and accusing.

"Then tell me the story, it's as simple as that."

"You'll change your mind about me," Damon retorted, but she could hear the hint of desperation in his voice.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" Elena said softly.

"What happened between me and Stefan, it was my fault. You won't like what I did." Damon told her, crossing his arms. He had no intention of losing her over a mistake from his past.

"I think you'll feel better if you talked to someone about it and I'm here now, the house is empty."

"You won't understand." Damon retorted weakly.

"Try me." Elena challenged.

"Fine," Damon said exasperated. In hind side he couldn't recall why he gave in to her questions but that evening he felt like it was the right thing to do.

Elena gave him a supportive smile and he took a deep breath and started talking "Once upon a time on an estate in Florence an older brother overheard his younger brother worrying about the future. The younger brother was worried that his big bro wouldn't show up at his graduation and for no apparent reason he cared. A few glasses of alcohol and some brotherly moments later, the older brother made a promise of getting them both out of the country and back to the house where they were born. They would move into their old home in Boston and spend the summer fixing up the old boarding house, a place pretty special to both of them since the house had belonged to their beloved mother." Damon paused for a moment, glancing at Elena.

"By all means, continue narrator." Elena encouraged.

"When graduation finally occurred, everything fell apart. There were a lot of students in the senior class so the number of seats was limited. You could only watch the ceremony if you had a seat reserved for you personally. The father of the young men had his seat among the board members of the school. Leaving the older brother no option but to sit next to his evil stepmother,"

Elena gasped slightly, was this where it all came back to? Would she finally find out what happened between Damon and Katherine?

"The older brother tried to focus during the first half of the show, but the evil stepmother kept trying to get on his nerves. She was mocking him, humiliating him, treating him like you wouldn't even treat your dog and the young man had enough of her inappropriate behaviour. He told her he would ask his brother to have her removed if she didn't stop it. She took that as a challenge of course."

Damon's face fell and Elena wanted to reach out, but she stopped herself in time. Damon looked straight into her eyes, indicating that he was done with the storytelling.

"What happened next?" Elena asked, her voice soft. Damon turned his body away from her. He let his feet fall down to the floor and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the window in front of him. All he saw was his own tormented reflection. It was too dark to see the garden.

Elena hesitantly inched closer, well aware that he would see her coming since the window displayed every movement she made. When she was close enough she reached out her hand to rest it on his shoulder. Her movements were slow, calculated. She searched for his eyes in the reflection and he looked back at her, giving her his silent permission.

The moment Elena's hand made contact with his shoulder, Damon felt a tremor in his body but he didn't pull back. Though the feeling was foreign to him, he did not dislike it. Her warm hand felt comforting, supportive. This contact was very different from what he'd ever experienced in the bar, it was more personal, something he always shied away from. In this particular moment it didn't upset him though.

Elena felt him relax under her touch and after giving him some time to adjust she pushed at his shoulder to turn him back in her direction. "Don't hide from me Damon."

Damon swallowed hard.

"I don't know what you're thinking or how I can make you feel at ease, but I won't betray your trust. That's one thing you can always rely on." Elena urged.

Damon turned back to lean against the headboard, Elena's hand got dropped in the process.

"In the middle of the ceremony there was a break. Stefan came up to us to see how we were doing." Damon continued the story.

"Katherine was the first one to address him, stating I was irritating the other parents with my childish behaviour. I tried explaining to him what was actually going on, but I couldn't find the words. I still can't. Eventually I told him I couldn't sit next to Katherine for another hour and I told him he had to choose, my father had joined the conversation by then."

"Stefan told me he would not send Katherine away just because I was mad at her. That was it for me, I left. I took the suitcase that I'd already packed for my trip with Stefan and moved to a small apartment several miles from here instead. I had to be back in Boston, but I couldn't be around Stefan anymore. That's when I met Ric and his wife.

Stefan and father never knew I was in Boston. By the time they heard from me again, it was three years later and I'd already moved to Australia. Father was furious for a while, but in the end he got me a job at the firm. Apparently Stefan had devoted his entire speech to our friendship, he was broken after I left. He never heard my side of the story and from his point of view I just broke another promise and abandoned him…"

Elena looked at him sympathetically. "It's ok Damon, it wasn't your fault," she moved to sit beside him.

"How can you say that?" Damon questioned.

"Because it wasn't." Elena reassured him. "I've only known you for a little while, but I'm pretty certain that whatever Katherine did to you, she was wrong."

"You don't know what she did yet." he told her sadly.

"No, I don't." Elena paused for a moment. "That's ok though. This is your past and it's you that has to cope with it. If that includes talking to me about it then I'll be here for you. But if you don't feel like telling me, that's ok too. I'm done trying to convince you that talking is the better option. I'm your friend Damon. That means that I'll be there either way, whatever you decide and whenever you decide it." she promised. "There is one condition though," she informed him, her tone serious.

Damon looked at her expectantly.

"No more locking Stefan up!" she told him with a smirk.

Damon smiled. Elena really was the friend he'd been waiting for. "I have a question." Damon told her hesitantly.

"Yes?" Elena urged.

"What makes you think that Katherine was at fault instead of me? I was 17 when she got there, whatever happened, I wasn't a child. I was old enough to defend myself." Damon informed her softly.

Elena heard the anguish in his voice and gently moved her hand to slide it over his. She needed to comfort him somehow. Damon tensed. She mumbled a soft apology and began retracting her fingers but his other hand stopped her dead in her tracks, slowly bringing her palm back down on his skin.

"Damon, it does not matter what age you were. Katherine sounds like a pretty manipulative person so I don't think age would have made a difference. And in my opinion hurting a 15 year old is no better than hurting a 19 year old. It's always wrong, even if you would have been 32."

She took a deep breath, knowing she was walking on thin ice. "And as to how I know that Katherine was at fault, it wasn't hard figuring that out, seeing you're the one who's dealing with the consequences. I've heard you struggle in the middle of the night. I've woken you twice already because watching you in agony got too much to bear. There is no need to convince me that the woman who was supposed to care for you was your worst enemy."

Damon felt conflicted. On one hand, it scared him that Elena knew so much about him, knew about his weaknesses. But on the other hand it felt good to have her know, even if this was just the tip of the iceberg.

Elena was in his room, on his bed, sitting next to him. She was there just for him. It was a foreign feeling to know that someone cared. This evening had been one of progress. Her hand on top of his was a constant reminder of that.

His hand felt warm underneath hers and he relished in the feeling for a moment. It was such a small gesture but it was a big step for him. He'd expected to be frightened but in this moment there was no fear, just the comfort of having her close. They should do this more often, he thought to himself.

Damon searched for her eyes and she stared straight into their blue depths. "Thank you!" Damon told her earnestly. He couldn't describe what she was doing for him but his eyes conveyed more than his words could.

Suddenly he became aware of how her fingers were resting right between his. In that moment all he could think about was getting closer to her, imagining how nice that must be. He spread his fingers slightly, experimentally and she slid hers down in response, intertwining them with his. Just for a second it was perfect, he felt connected, cared for… intimate.

Suddenly bile rose in his throat and he felt nauseous. He jerked his hand back and scooted away from her with all the strength he possessed. "Damon!" Elena exclaimed, worried sick as she saw his face turn ashen.

Damon raced into his bathroom and she heard him retch. It didn't stop. Elena ran downstairs to get him some water and brought it to the bathroom. When she got to him he was sitting next to the toilet, trembling.

"Here, try to drink." she told him softly, offering him the glass of water.

"You-," he started, having a hard time forming a coherent sentence. "You-, you have to-, Leave." he told her brokenly.

"I'm not leaving, you're sick!" Elena protested.

"Please," Damon whispered, tears threatening to fall from the corners of his eyes.

"Damon, I can't!" Elena interjected softly.

"I need a moment, please step out of my bathroom!" he pleaded, trying to keep his voice in check.

She hesitantly took a step back and he locked to door between them. Elena sank back against the door on the side of his room and he did the same in the bathroom, his breaths coming faster and faster until he was hyperventilating.

"Breathe, Damon." Elena whispered brokenly from the other side of the door. He was oblivious to her words, everything came crumbling down.

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't__  
__It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed_  
_Some prayers find an answer, some prayers never know_  
_We're holding on … and letting go_

_**xXx**_

**Voilà. I've never worked so long on perfecting one single conversation. It was the hardest chapter I've written so far but also the most satisfying one in a way. **

**P.S.: ****mystorriessuck****: you have the most ironic (and funny) penname ever!**


	11. All I Need

**Wow. Those reviews… What can I say, about something that blows me away, without sounding like another cliché? From all I've read and all I've heard, when it comes to that last round of reviews I'm officially rendered short on words. ****If at any point in this story you can no longer follow as far as Ric's past is concerned, you can find the intro to his past in chapter III. **

_**xXx**_

_Guess we both know we're in over our heads__  
__We got nowhere to go and no home that's left_  
_The water is rising on a river turning red_  
_It all might be OK or we might be dead_

**xXx**

This was not happening. This could simply not be happening. Damon stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and found the deep blue orbs of a scared, young boy staring back at him. He averted his eyes quickly, staring back down at the floor where he was sitting. How did he get here? He pressed his hands to the cold floor at his sides and tried to focus. After over 20 minutes his breaths came easier again as the cool tiles lowered his temperature.

Was Elena still in the room next door? He listened intently for an intake of breath from the other side of the heavy door. Nothing. Then he heard her shift, just a little. He felt relief course through his veins. She was still there, waiting for him to come back. Then he felt dread. He didn't want her to be waiting for him, or did he? Confusion intoxicated his brain and he felt nauseous once again.

Suddenly it hit him: this was not about Elena, he was just sick! He took his phone out of his back pocket. It was already way past midnight and he had to wake up for work tomorrow at six thirty. That just wouldn't do today. So he called his assistant.

"Stacy Goodknow, assistant to Damon Salvatore, Salvatore Corporation. I cannot answer your call right now but please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible." BEEEEEEP

"Hi Stace, Damon speaking. I've got the stomach flu. Won't be coming in to work this week but everything you might need is on my desk, including the notes for that meeting tomorrow. Bye Stace," he hung up.

There, that was taken care of. Back to bed now, he needed to sleep this bug off. Damon stumbled to his feet and enveloped the door handle firmly in his right hand. He would go back in, explain Elena he wasn't feeling so good and then they would both go to bed, separately. _What would he do if she asked about their moment?_

Two minutes later he was still standing there, he couldn't go back in. Defeated he went back to sitting. Deep down he knew he wasn't sick; this wasn't another case of the flu. This was his stupid brain and its impossible reactions. His mind carried him back to the moment before he ended up here, _their_ moment. She had been there for him, cared for him and he couldn't help but think that that was all he'd ever wanted. The feeling of being cherished… But it had always been reserved for other people, never him.

1 or 2 seconds. That was approximately as long as he had enjoyed her fingers intertwined with his. Whereas his body had spent twenty full minutes brutally punishing him afterwards for these fleeting, misguided feelings. He felt wronged, betrayed, but the more he thought about it, the more he figured his body had been right.

Either, Elena's gesture was one out of pity; and if so she could get the hell out; or her gesture was one of intimacy, and in that case she was just plain stupid. How could he ever enjoy feeling intimate with someone after everything he'd been through?

There it was. The issue where it all came down to, the one question that gave rise to all these conflicting emotions. How could he ever enjoy intimacy after Katherine? His past brought about two subjects of concern. The first being that Katherine hadn't chosen him out of the blue… They had been friends first. The only reason why he had been so susceptible for her vile schemes was because of his deep-rooted, naïve need to be cared for. He could never let anyone take advantage of that sentiment again. Secondly there were all the things Katherine had physically done to him, what person could ever enjoy even the slightest touch after such an experience?

But he _had_ enjoyed that moment. He had craved the intimacy she had offered him. He'd relished in the feeling. Even more so: she could've done anything to him just then and he would have gladly given her all he had to offer, swept up in the soothing, drugging feeling that she _cared_. Could his body really be that cruel to physically reject the one person who _cared_?

No, that was not what happened. He hadn't been disgusted with Elena, he'd been disgusted with himself. Though that wasn't a strong enough expression, the more fitting phrasing would be appalled, abhorred or better yet: outranged and mortified. Because he had been there, he had done this before and no sane person in his position could have ever enjoyed that moment.

Damon rose to his feet determined and opened the door to his room, causing an exhausted Elena to fall back into his room. Damon didn't say a thing and moved back to his bed.

"Are you ok?" Elena asked him in a small voice.

"I am," Damon replied curtly.

"Are you mad at me?" Elena questioned tentatively, taken aback by his sudden mood swing.

"No," Damon retorted evenly, though he knew it was a lie. He was very pissed off at Elena. Her actions had brought all his self-loathing back to the surface. Not to mention the fact that she'd given him a glimpse of everything he'd ever wanted, which had turned out to be everything he didn't. It stung to see that shimmer of hope crash and burn.

"What's wrong then?" Elena tried.

"I'm tired, please leave," Damon snapped.

"I can't."

"Why," Damon let out aggravated.

"Because if I leave now you'll lock me out," Elena told him.

"Spare key is somewhere in this house…"

"I don't just mean literally,"

"Elena, I do not have time for these mind tricks. I'd like to be left alone. I'm sick, remember?" Damon told her, irritated.

Elena just sat down on the bed, staring intently into his eyes. He was shutting her out, but she wouldn't budge. Not this time.

"You _are_ mad at me. Tell me why and I'll leave," Elena suggested.

Damon blew out an annoyed huff. "Leave before we end up fighting. I'm tired and I'm not asking again," he warned her.

"No," she replied crossing her arms.

"Fine. I'm mad at you because you have no _fucking_ clue what you're doing. I'm suffering from your ignorance but you're too _blind_ to notice. I've told you about a _million_ times that I DO NOT like you touching me. Are you fucking retarded or just a selfish little bitch? The worst of it all is that you had me for a moment. For just an instant I was so stupid to think you actually cared. I had forgotten what that felt like and the pain of missing it was dulled. You, however, couldn't leave well enough alone and ripped the fucking bandages off. So now I'm stuck with the pain and yes, Elena, I blame you. Now get out!" Damon told her, using an exaggerated intonation.

"Damon, calm down! That is not what happened and you know it. I _do_ care and I've been nothing but patient. Stop trying to push me away because you're only hurting yourself," Elena replied, fiercely trying to keep her emotions in check.

"I do not need your patience, I need you to stop!" Damon retorted angrily.

"I'm trying to help you Damon," Elena tried coaxing him.

"I'm not some fucking toy you can fix. I…AM…NOT…BROKEN!" Damon spit out pronouncing every word separately.

"I never thought of you as broken. But everyone can use a friend from time to time, please let me be that friend."

"I'd rather drown!" Damon snapped back, effectively ending the conversation.

**xXx**

_They're burning on the bridge turning off the lights__  
__We're on the run I can see it in your eyes_  
_If nothing is safe then I don't understand_  
_You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man_

**xXx**

Elena closed her door with a BANG. She rushed straight into the shower, shedding clothes along the way. Her muffled sobs were inaudible above the sound of running water. Droplets of warm, soothing water were mixing with the tears that poored freely from her eyes. She could no longer keep them at bay. As she stepped out from under the hot flow, enwrapping herself in a large, fluffy towel, she heard Stefan and Caroline come home. Caroline was giggling and Stefan sounded more animated than usual. Guess their date had gone well.

Elena bit the towel, trying to stifle her whimpering. This was their night and it could not be about her and Damon. As she lay down in her bed, she became aware of the fact that she'd never felt so utterly lonely in the Salvatore mansion. It was bound to be a rocky and very long night.

_I would rather drown_. Damon's words kept echoing in her head, dragging the uninvited memories of the car crash from the back of her mind. Elena couldn't fall asleep. Every time she closed her eyes, the tormented faces of her parents came rushing back. Then there were the cries and the overwhelming fear.

**xXx**

The next morning Elena, Stefan and Caroline ate comfortably at the breakfast table. The more they interacted, the more Elena came to notice how smitten Caroline was with Stefan. _Good for her, she deserved a guy as good as him._

Caroline babbled excitedly about their previous night and Elena avoided every question concerning Damon. Stefan and Carline were luckily two of her best friends and thus understood from her demeanor it was better not to ask in this case.

After breakfast the three of them cleared the table and they took out Carcassonne, one of their favorite board games. Stefan always won but Elena didn't care, he would be leaving this afternoon and she'd miss him terribly.

"Isn't it time for Damon to come out of the cave of his?" Caroline questioned as the grandfather clock hit ten thirty. Elena shrugged.

"I'm already awake Blondie, thanks for asking," Damon chipped as he entered the kitchen.

Stefan shot him an angry glare. "Good morning brother," Damon acknowledged.

"Elena?" Damon spoke as he noticed everyone was staring at him except for her.

"I'm taking your city Stefan!" Elena exclaimed, smirking at the younger brother as she attached her part of the city to his with the tile she'd been waiting for.

"And since I have two followers in that city and you only have one, the points are mine. That will be 24 points Caroline," she added, handing Stefan his follower back.

"Elena, could we talk for a moment?" Damon asked softly, feeling uncomfortable asking for this with Stefan and Caroline in the room. He'd already texted her twice but she wasn't answering that either.

"No," she told Damon, her eyes still trained of the medieval city. "Stefan, it's your turn. Pick a tile."

The three of them continued their game, ignoring Damon. Normally he would have left already, but he knew his statement last night had been a low blow. He needed Elena to acknowledge his apology.

"Elena. We really need to talk about what happened," he urged as she was adding a tile to her road.

"Fine. You want to discuss happened?" she asked him challenging, staring straight into his eyes.

"My parents drowned five years ago and that sharp pain and those horrifying memories… I learned to push those to the back of my mind. You, however, couldn't leave well enough alone and ripped the fucking bandages off. Ironic, isn't it? So I did not sleep last night. And yes, in case you did not know already Damon, I blame you," she told him bitterly. "Your turn to take a tile Caroline," she urged her perplexed best friend.

Stefan stood up from his chair and took Damon roughly by his elbow, eyes blazing with unadulterated fury. He pulled the other brother along through the back door of the kitchen. This was a conversation he wanted to have in private. As Stefan disappeared into the garden after Damon, the door was slammed closed with squeaking hinges.

"What the hell did you do?" Stefan yelled, shoving Damon to the wall of the house. Damon didn't reply. Stefan took him by the shoulders and gave him a push with each, meticulously enunciated word: "What. Did. You. Do."

Damon shoved him back, "We just had a fight ok. It's none of your business," he retorted, starting to defend himself.

"And you thought it was a fun idea to drag her past up?" Stefan asked incredulous.

"It was an accident, I was mad," Damon replied by way of explanation, raising his tone at the last word.

"Do you have _any_ clue how much she's suffered? How many times I've had her crying in my arms due to those terrifying memories? You can be mad all you want but bringing that up is completely out of line!" he lectured Damon. "I can't even look at you right now!"

"I'm sorry, ok?" Damon told him defeated. He knew Stefan was right about this.

"I don't care. But let me tell you one thing: if either of you will be moving out, it won't be her. I'll make sure of that," Stefan told him threateningly before going back inside.

**xXx**

Two hours later, Caroline was in her car, disappearing into the distance. Stefan pulled Elena into a big hug as Damon watched inconspicuously from the window. Elena was struggling to keep her tears at bay and failed. Stefan wiped them away with his thumb, promising her she could come visited whenever she liked. After her tears were dried, Stefan had bid her a final goodbye and sped away in an attempt to catch his plane. Leaving had been harder then he'd planned.

Half an hour after Stefan had left; Elena was still sitting on the front porch, gripping the edge and staring straight ahead into the distance. She was desperately hoping that one of them had forgotten something and would be back. She felt miserable and exhausted. This morning she'd still been capable of reining her emotions in, encouraged by her friends and the thrill of pissing off Damon. But now she was just feeling fragile and impossibly small.

**xXx**

Damon was watching her anxiously when suddenly his phone rang. Ric was calling, just what he needed.

"Hi buddy, excellent timing. Wanna go out for a drink?" Damon asked.

"It's noon Damon and shouldn't you be at work?" Ric asked him.

"Called in sick this week, wasn't feeling so good yesterday evening," Damon replied with a smirk.

"Good, could we meet up? Right now? It's urgent." Ric asked curtly.

"This isn't about Elena, is it?" Damon whined.

"It's not. Our pub in ten minutes?"

"That soon? Are you ok?"

"Be there," Alaric snapped before hanging up. Damon was beginning to feel concerned. He walked past Elena and stepped into his car, speeding away to meet up with Ric, leaving his housemate alone on the porch.

**xXx**

Damon had just ordered a drink when Ric walked in, his shirt inside out and his hair disheveled.

"Same for me," he told the waitress.

"What happened to you?" Damon asked suspiciously.

"Meredith and Amelia showed up on my porch last night, asking for a place to crash," he revealed.

"Wow. What did you do?"

"Offer up my room of course, I hadn't seen Amy in five months, missed her like crazy."

"I can imagine," Damon replied. Alaric had been married to Meredith for five years. Amelia had only been a few months old at the time of their marriage; her biological father had left Meredith when he found out she was pregnant. Meredith had always had some issues regarding her mental health and one day Ric came home to an empty house and a letter, stating that his wife had fallen in love with someone else. The little girl that had called him _daddy_ for as long as she could remember was ripped from his grasp and he never saw them again. Until yesterday, apparently.

"What did she want?" Damon questioned.

"For me to adopt Amelia," Ric replied softly.

"That's great man!", Damon congratulated him, patting his shoulder.

Ric wasn't smiling though and he wasn't drinking champagne either. "What's the catch?" Damon asked.

"Meredith has ovarian cancer. That's a really bad kind," Ric told him, taking a large gulp from his drink.

"Damn. How did Amelia react?"

"She flung her arms around my neck the moment she saw me and didn't let go. She spent the entire night sleeping in my arms. Mer hasn't told her yet so she was just happy to see her father again."

"How long have you known?"

"Mer told me this morning at breakfast while Amy was still sleeping."

"So, what happens now?"

"That's what I need you for. Mer has a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon, they are going to discuss the results of the labs they ran on her," His voice turned more hesitant as he added, "and I honestly wanted to stay with her. I don't want her to go through this alone."

"I get it." Damon had always knows Alaric still loved his ex-wife.

"When do you have to be there?"

"Tomorrow at noon, apparently."

"So Mer is telling little Amy now…" Damon murmured, his voice trailing off. He'd always loved Amy and it pained him that she had to go through all of this.

"Actually, Mer wanted to hold off on telling her. It's still possible the cancer hasn't metastasized yet and in that case there's still hope. We both agreed that we want to keep this from her as long as possible."

"Ric," Damon sight, "Do you know what cancer does to a body? I've seen it with my mother. You can't hide this from her, even if you'd want to. If the symptoms don't betray you, the hospital visits will. Amy is a smart girl."

"That's why I asked you here. Mer's parents both passed away and mine live in a different state. I was wondering if you could take the day off tomorrow to take care of her. But since you've decided to stay home: could I just bring her to the boarding house?"

"I'd like to help in every way I can Ric, but does she even remember me?" Damon asked anxiously.

"Damon, it's only a year ago since we all visited you in Australia. You babysat whenever Mer and I went on our daytrips, don't you remember?" Ric reminded him.

"But she was so small back then..."

"She was five, now she's six. I'm sure you can manage."

"Ok, as soon as she's comfortable with it. She can sleep at our place too if that's easier for you two. These hospital visits have the nasty habit of running late. Plus you might want to have some time to yourselves in case…" his voice trailed off.

"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst," Alaric added with a sigh.

"Exactly. Anyway: she's welcome. But I'm telling you Ric, you can't keep this from her forever."

"Thanks. I have to go now. I want to spend some him with her before we bring her over tomorrow. We'll drop her off at ten," Ric told him, shrugging on his jacket. He felt like every minute without Meredith and Amelia was one too many.

Damon paid for both drinks and stepped into his car. He had always hoped Amy would be back in their lives one day, but this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. This was definitely not how things were supposed to be.

**xXx**

_A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground  
We're eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down  
The TV's playing it all out of town  
We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown_

**xXx**

When Damon got home, Elena was sitting on the sofa. "Elena, I know you're mad and you have every right to be. But I need you to put it aside for half an hour and go shopping with me. We need girly toys and princess bed sheets and we have to be back by four."

Elena stared at him in complete astonishment. _What a strange request._ "What's going on?" she questioned.

"Ric's daughter is coming here."

_Since when did Alaric have a daughter_? Elena contemplated declining his request for a moment, but the look in his eyes told her this wasn't just an attempt to get her to speak with him.

"I am not following," Elena informed him, crossing her arms.

"It's a long story, I'll explain it in the car. Now please put your coat on, I want to beat the traffic,"

Elena followed him soundlessly, completely taken aback by the situation. None of this was making sense to her.

As they stepped into the car, Elena was the first one to break the silence.

"I'm in your car, Salvatore. Start talking before I change my mind."

"Fine. Where would you like me to start?" Damon asked her.

"Beginning," Elena spat back, starting to get annoyed at herself for even agreeing to this trip.

"Ok. About six years ago Ric met a lovely young women, it was love at first sight. She worked as a waitress in the local bar. Meredith was a single mother who was left by her previous boyfriend."

"After they started dating, Ric found out Meredith had a baby girl, Amelia, she was only three months old at the time. When I met Ric he had just gotten married to Meredith and he treated the girl as his own. She didn't even know he wasn't her real father."

"Unfortunately, Mer had always been kind of a loose cannon. While I was in Australia she left him somehow, taking Amelia along with her."

"That must have been terrible! I never knew…" Elena interjected.

"He never talked about it. I read about it in an email he sent me… The two of us used to skype quite often, but after Meredith left him things changed. It became one of those things on the do-not-discuss-list," Damon explained.

"Wait, you said the girl was coming over. Did they come back?" Elena questioned.

"Not exactly… Apparently Meredith has cancer…" Damon informed her softly.

Neither said a thing for a little while.

"Now she wants Ric to adopt Amelia, in case something happens to her."

"Wow, that must be a lot to take in," Elena replied.

"It was. But Ric has to do it anyway. Amelia has always been his little girl. I just hope Mer makes it…" Damon told her softly.

"So they will be visiting us tomorrow?" Elena questioned.

"Just Amy. Mer has a doctor's appointment tomorrow and Ric would like to accompany her. They don't want to alarm Amelia yet and Ric asked me if he could bring her over."

"How long has it been since you saw her?"

"The three of them came to visit me in Australia last spring. Mer and Ric did some hiking and I looked after Amy. She's quite a cool kid actually. We built sandcastles on the beach and I taught her how to swim in my pool." Damon had a melancholic smile on his lips.

Elena looked at him comfortingly.

"What?" Damon questioned.

"I don't understand what you mean," Elena retorted.

"That look," Damon explained.

"I just realized how much you cared about her," Elena replied softly.

Damon did answer. He just kept his eyes on the road, knowing she was right.

**xXx**

Three hours later they were back home. After cooking and cleaning up dinner, Elena started unpacking all the things they'd bought. Damon had been very specific about the things they'd chosen. It all had to be the best of the best. He knew some stupid toys weren't going to solve anything, but it was all he could do at the moment.

It frustrated him that this wasn't something he could fix. He would do anything to spare little Amy from the pain she would unavoidably endure but he was powerless to stop it.

He filled up a tumbler of the best bourbon in the house and stared at the fire for a while. Watching the way the flames licked the wood was relaxing in a way. After he calmed down again he went upstairs to the guest room, intending to help Elena set things up for Amy.

When he got there Amy's new toys were already set out on the main dresser. There was chalk, a picture book, pencils, a ball, a doll and some accessories. Elena had also invested in some children's shampoo that wasn't supposed to sting in the eyes, a pink brush, an extra toothbrush and some toothpaste that tasted of strawberries.

Last but not least there was the bedding. Elena had found some pink sheets and a pretty Disney comforter. It was probably too hot to use it these days but it looked nice and it gave the room a girlish touch.

Elena was smoothing the wrinkles out when Damon entered and he went to sit on the seat by the bay window. It was quite a large bench, covered by soft cushions. He remembered coming to sit there to read when he was a child, this room used to be his mother's.

When the bed looked picture-perfect, Elena sat down next to him. They took in the room for a moment.

"I'm sorry," Damon told her earnestly, his blue eyes boring into hers.

"What for?" she asked him.

"Yesterday," he replied.

Elena shrugged. "I could care less about yesterday right now," she told him wistfully.

"Tell me about it," Damon agreed.

"It's so foolish, you know? We went out shopping today, tried to find the things she would enjoy most. Buying her toys, getting her fish sticks and ice-cream, but in the end… none of it will matter."

"I know," Damon acknowledged.

They were silent for a moment.

"It's like watching a train wreck in slow-motion… All I want to do is protect Amy, shield her from the truth; shield her from the fear and the pain. I want to fight this battle for her but we both know we're defenseless against these things. I want to give her certainty, I want to give her hope and all I can give her are a few toys and some pink sheets. This fucking sucks…"

"You wanna know something funny?" Damon questioned.

Elena just looked at him, expectantly.

"I lost my mom in this exact same room, when I was Amy's age none the less, to the same fucking disease," he spat out angrily, standing up.

Elena walked over to where he was standing by the big bed. She wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him. Show him that she felt it too; that she knew how he was feeling. She didn't though. She knew it would do no good.

Damon took his glass off the counter and raised it in a mock toast. "Cheers to another child that will have to bury their mother!" he said before leaving the room.

**xXx**

By the time Damon went upstairs to go to bed, the light in the guestroom was still on. He watched from the doorway and found Elena rearranging the toys again and again… and again.

"I think its ok like this," he told her softly, not wanting to startle her.

She didn't look up and arranged the pencils back on the picture book, before messing up the symmetry with her shaky fingers and starting all over again. Her lack of sleep wasn't helping her to regain control of her emotions.

"Elena, please stop," Damon asked her kindly, searching for her eyes.

She stared at the pencils, making sure they were organized by color. When she reached out to shift them once more she felt Damon's hand cover hers. She looked up at him in utter confusion.

"It's ok, you're ok," he told her as he took her hand in his, stroking the back of her hand softly as he led her back to the seat by the bay window. There was no nauseating feeling, this was just about comforting her and luckily his body seemed to recognize the difference.

As his blue depths found her doe eyes, he noticed that a lone tear had escaped. He gingerly wiped it away with his thumb, not letting go of her hand.

"I'm sorry," Elena chocked out as the sobs got harder and harder to repress. "I'm being stupid; I don't even know her… It's just… I-"

Damon moved his hand around her back and gently brought her head to rest upon his shoulder, holding her to him.

"Shhhh, it's ok," he whispered as he continued stroking the back of her hand.

Elena leaned into him, not thinking about any of it. In this moment she just needed him.

**xXx**

_If everything we've got is slipping away  
I meant what I said when I said until my dying day  
I'm holding on to you, holding on to me  
Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see  
You're all I see_

**_xXx_**

**All I Need is definately one of my favorite songs. It was featured on Grey's Anatomy and is written by Mat Kearney. Goodnight my lovely readers, please leave me a review if you could spare a minute to light up my day.**


	12. Wonderwall

**Oh, before reading, could you please look up wonderwall in the urbandictionary online and SCROLL DOWN? Such fun! Especially the second, third, fourth... explanation.**

**Last BUT NOT least, lovely Alix, the more I get to enjoy your mindblowing beta-skills, the more I know we are definitely not living in a lost generation. :P**

**.**

**xXx**

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
There are many things that I would like to say to you  
But I don't know how_

**xXx**

Elena and Damon were both a little nervous as they had breakfast. Neither of them really knew how to behave around little Amelia and it had them walking on eggshells all morning.

Damon accidentally bumped into Elena as he turned around after placing his plate in the sink, causing Elena to spill the content of her cereal bowl all over the kitchen floor.

"Dammit, Damon! Watch where you're going!" she told him, irritated.

"Hey, easy princess, it was just an accident," Damon retorted, holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"I'm sorry," Elena apologized, a huge sigh leaving her lips, "I'm just a little anxious about our young visitor," she explained.

"I know, it's ok," he replied, giving her the most comforting smile he could muster.

"No it's not; I shouldn't be taking it out on you. I'm just nervous about hanging out with her. I'm afraid I won't know what to say or that I'll say the wrong thing. I have never-"

DING DONG

Elena was interrupted by the bell and they both moved towards the hallway.

"You'll be fine," Damon assured her, touching her shoulder lightly before opening the door.

On the Salvatore porch stood a clean shaven Alaric resting a shy, young girl on his right hip. Elena felt a little startled at the sight, Amelia looked so much like… her. Long, brown curls lined her slender, tiny body and she held her teddy bear closely to her chest. _How old was she again?_ Damon had told her she was six but she didn't look a day over four, clinging to her father like that. But then again, Elena remembered people used to estimate her as being younger too.

"Hey, Ric," Damon greeted his best friend with a nod, not bothering to reach out his hand, since it was otherwise occupied. "Meredith," he acknowledged, sparing the women who was nervously fidgeting her fingers an obligated glance. It was clear from both his and her demeanor that they didn't get along well, which had probably something to do with her leaving Ric. Well, that would be one hell of an awkward conversation.

Elena didn't say a thing and smiled politely at the trio, preferring to let Damon do the talking.

"How would you like to come in?" Damon questioned, opening the door a little wider and gesturing for them to follow him inside.

A few minutes later everyone was sitting around the kitchen table drinking coffee, except for Amy who was sipping apple juice. "So, remember me, cupcake?" Damon questioned Amy, who looked up from the straw she was bending in all possible ways. The little girl nodded.

"That's a start," Damon replied, "What exactly do you remember?" he wondered out loud.

"When we were in your other house you were always making funny faces," Amelia replied in a soft angelic voice, her lips tugging upwards in a smile.

"Like this?" Damon questioned, wiggling his eyebrows and distorting his mouth.

Amy nodded giggling.

"Are you ok with spending some time with me today?" Damon wanted to know.

"Yep. Then mommy and daddy can go on their date," she answered him seriously.

"Wow, are they dating?" Damon whispered only to her, seemingly conspiring though they all could hear him.

"They are," Amy whispered back, with a knowing look. Elena smiled at the sight.

"Well, does she come with a manual or are we supposed to just wing it?" Damon inquired of Ric.

"Mer packed some of her things, she knows Amy's routine best since-" his voice trailed off and he didn't know how to continue.

"How about I show Meredith Amy's bedroom? Then she can inform me on all we need to know while you and Alaric talk about… whatever you guys talk about," Elena intervened.

Both men shot her a grateful look, happy to have Meredith and Damon in separate rooms.

**xXx**

"Thank you," Meredith told her as they walked up the staircase.

"Damon can be pretty intense sometimes," Elena said, as a way of explanation for all the dirty looks Damon had flashed at the woman behind her.

"Not just for that, for agreeing to take care of Amy," she replied as they reached the guestroom.

"I don't have that many friends and my family passed away. I don't particularly enjoy leaving my little girl with other people and you seem like a really nice person."

"It's fine," Elena assured her, "I'm happy with some company, Damon's gone most of the time and it can get pretty lonely here sometimes," Elena felt a little weird having small talk with the woman who broke Ric's heart, but now was not the time to bring up questions about their past. Today Meredith was just a scared woman who was just hours away from going to the hospital, where they would probably tell her that she had a great chance of dying before her child finished the first grade.

"This is her room," Elena informed Meredith, swinging open the door in the back so Meredith could see the adjoined bathroom.

The older woman stroked the pink comforter with two fingers before saying: "She'll love it," with a sad smile.

"Do you think you'll be back before bedtime?" Elena questioned.

"I don't know," Meredith told her, melancholy seeping into her features, "The hospital is a good three hours away and our appointment is at two. We won't be back before seven o'clock but if the labs come back positive… I don't know if I can face her right away afterwards."

Elena nodded empathetically, "I understand."

"Here are three sets of clothing - you never know what happens when she's playing outside-, her bathing suit, a book with bedtime stories, her toothbrush, some of her toys, another teddy bear… Well, you can see for yourself. Anything she might need is in here, including her chocolate milk for tomorrow morning in case she's staying over," Meredith explained, laying out the content of the bag.

"Bedtime is at seven thirty, but you can put her to sleep at seven or eight depending on how tired she is. As far as stories are concerned: one is enough though she'll probably ask for more. She might ask for water before going to sleep but please let her go to the toilet afterwards, she's been dry for a while now but some nights when she drinks too much, accidents still happen."

"Ok," Elena nodded, "Is there anything else I need to know? Allergies, phobia's?"

"She's scared of the dark, so I always leave the door open a crack. She's not allergic to anything as far as we know. One more thing: she can't properly swim yet, she thinks she can and she loves it, but please keep a close eye on her if you chose to let her in the water,"

"Water?" Elena questioned.

"The pool on the edge of the property," Meredith explained, "Ric and I used to go there when Damon was abroad, Damon never minded. Amy loved that pool."

"Oh," Elena replied.

**xXx**

"This is it, baby girl. Mommy and daddy are going out now. Will you be ok here with Damon and Elena?" Meredith asked her daughter when she and Elena came downstairs again.

"Yes mommy," Amelia assured her, swinging her arms around her mother tightly. The lone tear that escaped Meredith's eye didn't go unnoticed by Elena, luckily Amy was already directing her attention to her father.

"You are coming back, right?" Amy questioned him seriously.

"Of course I am Sweetie!" Ric told her, pulling her in for a bear hug.

"Ok, then," Amy agreed as he let go. The little girl skipped over to take Damon's outreached hand.

"Have fun!" she yelled at her two parents, putting a wry smile upon everyone's face.

"Sooo," Damon asked, drawing out the word, "What are we doing today?" he wondered out loud.

"Swimming!" Amy replied enthusiastically, apparently the shyness from before had disappeared altogether while Elena had been upstairs.

"Swimming?" Damon inquired, "Where would you do that?"

"In your yard! Mom and dad and me used to do it all the time while you were at your other house," she informed him.

"Did you now?" Damon questioned.

"Yes, yes!" she told him with a smirk.

"And did you have my permission to do that?" Damon asked her in mock seriousness.

"My daddy told us we could," Amy replied with a wide grin.

Damon started tickling her and she giggled and yelped, enjoying their game. Elena watched them wistfully. _If only Damon could be that comfortable acting around adults._

"What about making some pancakes first?" Elena suggested. To say this plan was well received would probably be an understatement.

**xXx**

"Oh Amy? You know what's white and wet?" Damon questioned the girl that was standing on a chair next to the counter.

"Nope," she told him, turning around to face him.

"Your face," Damon explained, wiping some dough on her cheeks with a smirk.

"Damon," Elena admonished him, "That's not a nice thing to do! You are not setting a good example. I think you should get some wet towels and clean her up," she told him, babbling on to keep his attention on her so Amy could take revenge.

"Damn!" Damon exclaimed, cursing himself when he felt the dough seep into his shirt. _How could he not see that coming?_

As Elena gently wiped Amy clean, Damon stalked towards her from behind, swiping him thumb over her cheek so she didn't get away unharmed.

"Salvatore!" Elena exclaimed.

"What?" he questioned tauntingly.

"Game's on!" Elena informed him with a smirk.

The next half hour they turned the kitchen into a war zone, the girls had tilted the table, using it as their shield and Damon hid behind the door of the pantry.

"I give up," Damon said after a while, holding his hands up in defeat as he left his hiding spot. Elena stood up too. She walked over to Damon's side of the table and tried to tilt the table back up. The floor was spotted with dough and as she put pressure on her right food, using it as leverage to tilt the table, her ballerina slipped, and she felt backwards. Amy gasped and Elena cried out as she lost balance, but before her back touched the ground she felt two strong arms grip her tightly.

"Easy Gilbert," Damon quipped, steadying her. Elena turned around to face him and their eyes met briefly. It wasn't weird or uncomfortable, but they both they shared a moment, a tiny spark.

"Let's go swimming now," Damon suggested, in desperate need for some cold water to clear his head. "You can change Amy and come find me in the water."

** xXx**

As the girls reached the water, Damon's shirt lay discarded on a bench next to the pool, his pants next to it. Damon was floating on the water, his toned chest on display. Elena tried hard not to look but it was no use. He was a real sight for sore eyes. Her curious eyes raked over his body right until Damon opened his eyes and she averted her eyes quickly, blushing. Amy distracted her, wanting to run towards Damon, but Elena gripped her by the elbow.

"Not so fast, the sun is burning. Let's get some sunscreen on that porcelain skin of yours," she explained.

"But it's sticky!" Amy complained.

Damon wanted to help Elena's case by making a comment about cancer, but realized for once in his life that the timing was off. "Go for the sunscreen cupcake, I like your skin like this. We wouldn't want you to turn bright red, would we?" he told Amy.

"Okay," the young girl agreed.

After Amy was done, Elena started rubbing herself in after Amy had kindly rubbed in her back.

Damon watched Elena as she distributed the milky liquid onto her skin, she looked ravishing. She was wearing a small bikini that showed off her perfect body. His eyes swept over her long, sexy legs, her hips, her curves and he noticed how the bikini top fit her perfectly, squeezing her breast just a little. He felt himself grow beneath his boxers and suddenly he felt very confused.

It had been a while since he had this kind of physical reaction towards someone. Sure he'd kissed other girls in bars or pubs over the last seven years, desperately trying to feel something and to be normal. But the truth was that he hadn't bedded a woman ever since he had left Italy, simply because he couldn't. He'd tortured himself, forcing himself to try and be with someone, to kiss them, touch them and do all those things he used to love when he was younger. In the end though, he never did. His head was never in the right place and there would always be that one moment when everything would shift and the girl in front of him would turn into his worst nightmare.

He stayed away from any girl who could possibly be good for him, out of fear he wouldn't be able to manage acting like a perfectly normal boyfriend. That was apart from the everlasting trust issues of course. So he always went for the cheap one night stands in bars, keeping up the farce but a while but always having to back down before the moment was there since it was no use denying that those girls were in fact _using_ him.

Elena, however, was nothing like Katherine. She might have the same wavy hair but then again, so did Amy. And against all the odds, Damon found himself being different around Elena. Sure, they had some rough moments, but things had changed lately. He'd taken her hand yesterday evening, out of his own free will and even today, he had no regrets. Even when he had caught her this morning and her body was pressed to his for a moment, he hadn't panicked.

Now here he was, admiring her from a far, wondering about- He stopped himself right there. He couldn't be thinking like that. She wasn't his to think about and she would never be. That's when her wavy brown hair served as a painful reminder that the last woman who acted like she cared and made him feel special had screwed him up forever.

"Want some?" Elena asked Damon, holding up the sunscreen.

"It'll wash right off," he replied.

"It's waterproof," Elena retorted.

"You have to Uncle Damon! Wouldn't want you to look like a tomato, right?" Amy told him smugly.

"Fine," Damon agreed, coming out of the water and gripping the bottle from Elena.

Before he could jump back in when he was done Amy admonished: "You're not done, your back too!"

"My back is fine," Damon told her, not wanting anyone to touch him there.

After a small splashing contest they went a little deeper into the water and Amy clutched Damon's neck, pressing herself to his back. Damon tensed for a moment but relaxed a moment later. This was just an innocent, little girl, trusting him to keep her afloat. He pulled her in front of him and held her to his chest, resting her on his hip. This was what family felt like…

"Damooooon…" Amy drew out.

"Yes," he replied, turning his attention back to the here and now.

"You were dreaming," she accused.

"I was," he mused.

"What were you dreaming about?" she questioned.

"When I was your age, my mom and I used to come to this exact same pool and she would hold me just like I'm holding you right now."

"Oh," Amy smiled.

"And I never got it, why she would hold me even though I could swim. But holding you right now, I feel it. It's kind of cool actually." He didn't know how to explain it right. But the protectiveness he felt over her, combined with the unconditional trust and friendship she radiated, it really was the greatest feeling he'd experienced in a long time.

"Where is your mom now?" Amy questioned.

_Oops, wrong subject_. "She obviously doesn't live here anymore," Damon told her with a wide grin, "I'm a grown man now, so I can live on my own," he added, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Nope, Elena lives here too," Amy retorted, happy to prove him wrong. "Is she your girlfriend?" she questioned curiously.

Elena, who had followed their exchange in silence, blushed furiously.

"No, she's not," Damon told Amy, taken aback by the question.

"Well, what is she then?" Amy inquired.

"She's my brother's friend," Damon explained, and then he saw her face fall and added quickly, "and also mine."

Elena's lips tugged up in a smile and Damon was happy he hadn't completely screwed up the answer.

"So you are both Damon's friend _and_ his brother's friend?" Amy questioned.

"Yes," Elena clarified.

"Oh," Amy giggled, "so who is more fun?" she asked curiously.

"What?" Damon and Elena inquired in unison.

"You know… If you have to go on a deserted island and you can only take one of your friends, who would it be?"

Elena smiled, remembering the game she used to play as a child, dreaming about what she and her friends would bring along to a deserted island.

"Come over here and I'll tell you," Elena told Amy, grinning at Damon's frustrated expression.

Damon watched curiously as Amy held on tightly as Elena whispered something in her ear.

"Ooooh, I see," the little girl told Elena with a big grin on her face.

"I think it's time for pancakes!" Damon announced and the three of them exited the pool.

**xXx**

It was seven o'clock in the evening when they all lay relaxed in the sofa, watching the ending of beauty and the beast. They had spent the afternoon eating pancakes, cleaning the kitchen –which took over an hour- and making their very own French fries. Elena had pealed all of the potatoes and Damon and Amy had cut them into fries. The little girl had been very proud she was allowed to use a knife although hers wasn't that sharp. Damon cut the potatoes into slices so all Amy had to do was work through about half a centimeter of potato. She had worked really hard and they all enjoyed their fries to the maximum.

Damon shifted and a painful expression crossed over his features.

"What' wrong Damon?" Elena questioned, her tone concerned.

"It's nothing, just my back, it hurts a little," he explained.

"Shall I have a look?" Elena suggested.

"No thanks, I'm sure it's fine," he insisted.

"Let me see!" Amy intervened.

"It's fine cupcake," Damon told her.

"No it's not. I think you got burned because you didn't want to put sunscreen on." She leaned over to Damon and started pulling up his shirt.

"Auch," Damon complained.

Amy proceeded more gently, bringing the shirt cautiously up to his shoulder where he gripped the hem and pulled it over his head.

"Wow," Amy gasped, "It's bright, bright red, that must really hurt," she told him, feeling sorry.

"I can take a little bit of pain," Damon comforted her.

"You should have used sunscreen, now you will lay awake all night! This one time my belly was burned and I felt my skin pull together all the time. It was so bad I couldn't sleep."

"Thanks for the sunny prospect," Damon retorted ironically.

"My mom did have some white screen though and when she put it on it hurt much less. It is like heaven in a bottle. You can feel your skin soak up all of it and then you just have to put on more," she explained.

"After-sun cream," Elena clarified, "It hurts a little when you put it on but she's right, in the end it does make a difference. I'll go get it for you," she told him and she disappeared from his line of sight.

Damon felt sweaty. He didn't like where this was headed. As Elena came back downstairs she read it in his expression. He was never going to let her help him, no matter how much he was hurting or how easily she could take care of the problem.

"Good! You found it!" Amy exclaimed. "Now be careful otherwise Uncle Damon is going to hurt!" she told Elena.

Damon watched her like a hawk and she didn't move.

"Amelia, would you go upstairs and watch TV for a while? Damon's a real man; he doesn't want you to watch when he's in pain. I'll join you when I'm done here," Elena told the little girl.

"Can I watch from Uncle Damon's bed?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Of course you can, Sweetie. Call me if you need help, ok?"

Amy nodded eagerly before scooting out of the room, taking Elena's smile along with her.

Damon and Elena sat in silence, eyes on the empty fireplace. You could have cut the tension with a knife. Damon quickly grew uncomfortable. _Why was she being so quiet?_

"Say something," he ordered Elena.

"What would you like me to say?" she wondered.

"I can see your mind working from all the way over here, I want to know what you're thinking," Damon told her.

"I'm thinking your back is going to hurt like hell tomorrow," Elena replied curtly.

"Is that such an all consuming thought?" Damon questioned.

"It's not."

"Then tell me what else is on your mind," Damon urged.

"You don't want to hear it," Elena replied.

"Tell me anyway," Damon demanded.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it will end in another stupid fight where we'll both end up hurt. I don't have the strength for that, not today."

"Please… I want to know. What's bothering you?" Damon inquired; his voice barely above a whisper.

"What's bothering me is that your back is burned and I have the cure right here on my lap. In ten quick minutes I could spare you the worst of the burning ache you're about to endure tonight. You are hurting and this time I could actually make it better. But you won't let me. You can't let me. And before you say anything I need you to know that I respect your decision. However hard I try though, it's still bothering me," Elena told him wistfully.

Damon grimaced.

"Told you that you didn't want to hear it," Elena confirmed.

"Thank you," Damon whispered earnestly after a while.

"For what?"

"For giving me an honest answer." He took a gulp from his tumbler of bourbon.

"Damon?" Elena asked tentatively.

"Yes?"

"Could I be honest for five more minutes?" she tried, her voice hesitant as if she didn't know where she was going with this yet.

"Yes," Damon agreed, curious as to where this conversation was headed.

"Have you ever told anyone about Katherine?"

"Elena, I-"

"Don't. Don't get uncomfortable. I'm not asking about Katherine, I'm asking whether you ever told anyone. It's just a simple question. I promise not to ask about what happened," Elena interjected.

"No."

"No, as in I need to stop the questions?"

"No, as in I never told anyone."

"Why?" Elena inquired, her voice soft.

"Is this a joke?" Damon asked her irritated.

"No, it's not. I'm not asking this to hurt you. Just go with this for now, please" Elena urged.

Damon felt his muscles tense. He didn't like this line of questioning. However, looking into her deep, doe eyes he saw nothing but kindness and friendship. She was asking a fair question and this was an answer he could give. One simple answer at a time, he took deep breath.

"Because I don't like reliving those memories," he replied truthfully.

"Damon…" his name left her lips in an anguished whisper, "You relive those memories every 48 hours. You wake up kicking and screaming every other night. Don't you ever think that your way of coping might not be working?" she asked him gingerly, afraid he would lash out at her for uttering this observation out loud.

"Maybe," he acknowledged barely above a whisper.

"Might there be any other reason why you don't want other people to know?" she tried cautiously.

"Like what?"

"Guilt… Shame?" the words were almost inaudible and Elena didn't dare to meet his eyes.

"Why would you name those?" Damon inquired accusingly, avoiding her question.

"When we, humans, feel like we were treated unjustly, we have the habit of shouting it from the rooftops. We complain to anyone who'll listen about how the waitress spilled our coffee, how our boss is a complete jerk or how our partner acts downright unreasonable. We need our environment to know about these things so they can comfort us and punish the ones who are responsible," Elena explained.

"However, people don't talk about everything. A little boy who is beaten by his father won't tell his teacher, because his father convinced him that it was his own fault, that he deserved the punishment. A girl who's assaulted outside a dancing might not dare to speak up, out of fear that people might blame her for the incident or say that she had it coming with her short skirt," she continued, avoiding his blue eyes at all costs.

"In both cases, the assailants isolate their victims," Damon cringed inwardly at the last word, "they try convincing them that they are partly to blame for what happened to keep them from talking…"

"It's a vicious circle: the assailants manipulate their victims to feel certain negative emotions towards themselves, the victims get more isolated because of these emotions, this makes it easier for the assailants to get into the head of their victims and impose these feelings on them…" Elena explained sadly.

Damon didn't say a word, he just stared at the amber liquid in his right hand.

"I didn't name shame or guilt because I think that's how you should feel, I named those because I'm afraid that you might be feeling that way. What you don't understand is that you don't need to tell your story to please me or to prove to me that you trust me. You need to tell your story for the sake of not keeping it a secret anymore. It's destroying you."

"What's the use?" Damon asked her, defeated.

"To trick your brain," Elena replied.

That had his attention, he was curious again. "How so?"

"When there are two types of chocolates at two different prices and you buy the most expensive ones after which they give you a free taste of the cheaper ones, you will state that the ones you bought taste better. There's a simple explanation: you need a solid reason as to why you spend more money than necessary, so you convince yourself that the ones you bought taste better, regardless of their actual taste."

"How does that apply to me?" Damon questioned.

"You isolate yourself. There are a lot of disadvantages to your silence. For one, you can't explain certain aspects of your behavior to your friends and furthermore it takes some effort to keep that mask of yours in place at all times. Not to mention the fact that isolating yourself is lonely. Somehow you decide against telling your friends, which means you've convinced yourself that the costs outweigh the benefits. Every single time you think of telling someone and decide against it, you reaffirm that you are right to do so.

"Honestly I think you pay more than you gain right now. That makes me wonder Damon: what are the costs in telling someone? It's not about reliving the memory and you know it. This is about your feelings towards what happened. Maybe you feel guilty, maybe you feel ashamed, maybe you feel weak or maybe you blame yourself in some kind of way. Just like your brain would tell you that you bought the expensive chocolates because they taste better, it is telling you that you are keeping it a secret because you were partly at fault. By telling someone you would prove to yourself that you are right to share your story, that you were mistreated. You don't tell things you are ashamed of, thus your brain might conclude that since you told someone, it wasn't something to be ashamed of."

"Your logic sucks," Damon told her.

"It might, I'm not an expert," Elena agreed.

Damon needed time to think this through but was interrupted by Elena's soft voice, whispering: "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Damon asked.

"For what Katherine did to you."

"You _do not know_ what she did to me," Damon retorted, enunciating the do-not-know part exaggeratedly, angrily. He was feeling nervous all of a sudden, realizing he didn't even know if that last statement was true. _How much did she know?_

"Not for what happened all those years ago but for what's still going on. I'm sorry about your nightmares and I'm sorry I can't help you with your burns but most of all I'm sorry for the fact that you can't let anyone be there for you. It's lonely. You deserve more than this and you deserve better."

The fight and the resistance flew out of Damon and all that was left were questions. _Why was she saying all these things and how did they even end up having this conversation?_

Elena say the confusion written all over Damon's face. His deep blue eyes were boring into hers. She couldn't distinguish all the different emotions she say in them. Wonder? Fear? Relief? Pain? All she knew was that it was time to give him a moment to himself. She was sure he knew by know she picked up more about his past that he might have wanted her to. She wondered how he felt about that. Did he even know himself how he felt about that?

"I think it's time for me to go upstairs and find that charming little six year old under our care. I'll be a while, just so you know, washing her and putting her to bed. One more thing though Damon: I know Katherine started this all, but you are the only one who can make it stop," she told him earnestly before heading up the stairs, leaving a silent Damon in wonder.

**xXx**

_Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me…_

**xXx**


	13. Demons at Midnight

**Thank you for tuning in again dear readers, let's continue our journey…**

**P.S.: this early update is not proofread, I apologize for possible mistakes.**

**xXx**

Elena peaked her head around the corner of Damon's room. "Hi princess, how are you doing over here?" Elena asked the little girl who was sprawled across the king-sized bed.

"Finally!" Amy exclaimed, "You said you would come right upstairs after you took care of uncle Damon!" she told Elena accusingly.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, it just took a little longer than expected," Elena apologized.

"Is uncle Damon back to normal now?" the little girl questioned concerned.

_How was she supposed to answer that? _"Err," she started._ When in doubt use humor._

"Have you ever seen him act normal?" Elena inquired, raising her eyebrow in a comedic manner, "Cause I _never_ have!" she said with exaggerated intonation.

Amy giggled. "Haha, he would tickle you to death if he heard you say that."

_I don't think so. _Elena thought wistfully.

"So, how about we run you a bath? Your hair is all tangled up from swimming," Elena suggested.

"Can I bring my yellow ducks?"

"Of course you can," Elena smiled.

As Amy was playing house with a pair of plastic ducks, Elena was soaping up her hair. She played with Amy's hair, massaging her scalp and giving her al lot of crazy hairdo's.

"Elenaaa?" the small brunette questioned, drawing out her babysitter's name.

"Yes Amyyyyy," Elena replied, mimicking the girl's tone.

"Has my mommy texted you yet?"

Elena held her breath for a moment. She hadn't received any news all day long. Neither Meredith, nor Ric had given them an update this far.

"I don't think they texted us yet, they are probably busy. But tomorrow you'll see them both, don't worry,"

"That means I'm sleeping here tonight, right?"

"I does, is that ok with you?"

"Mmm," Amy nodded, "I like spending time with you and uncle Damon," she confirmed with a smile.

"Likewise, I'm happy you're here," Elena replied truthfully.

"Do you?" Amy questioned.

"Of course I do, why wouldn't I?" Elena inquired curiously.

"If you really liked children, then you would have a baby yourself, wouldn't you?" Amelia reasoned.

"Nonsense," Elena told her, "I've wanted to be a mother ever since I was a little girl. But before having a child, there are many things you have to consider as a parent."

"Like what?"

"Well, you might need a father, for starters," Elena joked.

"That might indeed be useful," Amy agreed.

"A house, to raise the child in and a job to pay for food and clothes might also come in handy."

"Don't you have a job?" Amy wondered.

"Not really, I'm still in school. So no job, no house and no father," Elena concluded.

"But you do want a baby one day?"

"If he or she would turn out to be anything like you, there's nothing I'd want more," Elena told her sweetly.

Amy beamed at her words. "You are the best!" she replied, while hugging Elena, soaking her shirt in the process.

**xXx**

After Elena had a change of clothes and finished taking care of Amelia, she tucked the adorable brunette in under the covers.

"Uncle Damon would be a good dad…" Amy mused.

"I think so too," Elena agreed, remembering the way he had interacted with Amelia earlier. _He would definitely make a very good father._

"So," Amy drew out the word, "Uncle Damon would be a good dad, you would be a good mom and the two of you live in a big house. He has a job, doesn't he?" her voice trailed off and she gave Elena a meaningful glance.

Elena started laughing out loud, clutching her tummy in the process. That was one of the weirdest thing anyone had ever suggested her. "I don't think that would work," she told Amelia after her chuckles had died down.

Amelia crossed her arms and held them to her chest, pouting angrily. Elena pulled her in.

"Hey, what's wrong sweety?"

"You made fun of me, it's not nice!" Amy told her bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Elena replied earnestly, gathering that the girl was actually upset. "I didn't mean to laugh, it's just an idea that sounds so impossible that I thought it was funny," she explained.

"Why would it be impossible?"

"Because Damon doesn't want a girlfriend." _Oops. Had she really said that out loud? This statement was bound to bring about more questions._

"Why?"

When in doubt: use humor. "Because he doesn't like to share this nice, big cozy bed of course!" Elena chipped, rolling around in the wide open space to stress her argument. _Her statement was true after all, just not in the way Amelia would interpret it._

Amy smiled and rolled along with Elena.

"Would _you_ ever want uncle Damon to be your boyfriend?" Amy wondered.

"No," Elena replied in a heartbeat. It was a simple question and there was a simple answer. _Or wasn't there? _She never thought about it, actually. And the one time the idea had crossed her mind, she had pushed it aside. She wasn't allowed to consider these kind of this, it was selfish. Damon obviously didn't want anyone to fill that position in his life so why would she confuse him by going on a discovery that could easily lead her to decide she didn't have feelings for him. He deserved better.

"Ok… I still think it would be nice if you and him could be a couple," she mused, resting on her elbow. "Where is he by the way, doesn't he want to come and give me a good night kiss?" she inquired.

"He's resting right now. He wasn't feeling so good when I left him downstairs. Right now he just needs a little time, but I'll tell him to swing by your room before he goes to sleep,"

"Ok, tell him to feel better and be really, really sweet to him," Amelia urged.

"I will," Elena promised, tucking the little girl under the pink blanket and kissing her gentle on her forehead. "Sweet dreams my dear."

"Night, night."

**xXx**

Damon was outside, sitting on the low wall that lined the flower garden. He was watching the stars, flipping the bottle of lotion back and forth in his hands. He wanted nothing more than to clear his head of all things Elena, but her words kept haunting him, refusing to leave him alone. _Why did she tell him all these things? How much did she know? Could he trust her? And most importantly: what did he want from her?_

One of those questioned was easily answered: he did trust her. Otherwise he wouldn't be having these issues. It was the fact that he trusted her that made him weary cause it make him vulnerable. Trusting her meant she could hurt him, like Katherine had hurt him in the past. Elena was different though, which made it all the more complicated. He could no longer shut her out, claiming he was protecting himself cause the truth was: deep down he knew she was good for him. That meant no more excuses. It frightened him in a way.

_Why did she tell him all these things?_ Did she actually start caring for him along the way, or was this just the desperate female need to fix broken things, to be needed? It was a fundamental question and one he desperately wanted the answer to, he didn't need her pity, he detested pity. But if she could offer him true friendship, only an imbecile would decline. The cool thing about Elena was that not everything had to be about him. Yesterday _she_ had needed _him_, when she was having a hard time in Amelia's room and when Elena had struggled while they were sailing, he had been the proverbial shoulder for her to lean on too.

The last and foremost question to him was how much she knew about him or maybe rather: how much he wanted her to know. A part of him still wanted to hide the truth, shelter her from it. But with his unpredictable reactions, there was no hiding anything. The other part, the curious part of him, couldn't forget about telling her, wondering what it would be like to no longer be alone in his struggle. But was it right to include her in the darkness? The indecision was eating away at him.

For argument's sake: what if he told her? Would she think of him as weak? Or question whether there hadn't been anything he could have done to prevent it from happening? Would she be uncomfortable around him? Would she think less of him because he was tainted, both physically and mentally?

She had said that Katherine had started it all, but that he was the only one who could make it stop. If she thought he could do it, then maybe he could. It was time to take matters into his own hands.

**xXx**

Footsteps… he heard someone approach him from behind and tried hard not to turn around before she got there. Elena came up to stand in front of him, handing him a cup of hot chocolate milk.

"Here, thought you could use it. Amy hopes you feel better, so do I for that matter," Elena told him, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another.

Damon took the cup from her and set is down next to him, not looking her in the eyes. A moment later he'd made his decision and took the bottle of aftersun again, switching it from his left hand to his right one before tentatively holding it out for Elena to take.

She accepted and wanted to make her way back inside and moved to turn around before Damon gripped her wrist to stop her. He didn't say anything, he just stared deeply into her eyes, trying to make her understand what he couldn't say out loud.

Elena cautiously sat down next to him, letting her legs swing below her. She stared at him expectantly, waiting for any form of communication. That's when Damon crossed his arm over his stomach to clutch the hem of his shirt, gingerly moving it up and over his head until there was no longer and fabric covering his back.

He lay his shirt carefully next to the cup of chocolate and turned his frame away from her, exposing his back to Elena's wondering gaze. She didn't do anything for a long moment, taking in what was happening. _Did he even want this? _She tossed one leg over to the other side of the wall in order to find a better balance. Next she gingerly opened the bottle, squirting some of the milky liquid onto the back of her left hand to test it. Sometimes these kind of lotions turned gross after waiting in the cupboard for too long but luckily that wasn't the case with the one she was holding. She wanted to reach out and touch the red skin but though twice about it.

"Are you sure, Damon?" she asked him softly. She knew he didn't want to have this conversation. He was purposely not using any words. But she couldn't do this without absolute certainty that he was ok and aware of what his permission entailed.

Damon nodded subtly, it could just as well have been a random movement.

"Damon, I'm not doing this until you say the word… This cannot be one of those times where accuse me of hurting you the day after. I don't think I could handle that or that I would forgive myself."

"I want your help Elena… I can't promise that this will work or that I'll let you finish this. But regardless of the outcome, I'll know I was the one who asked. Go on please."

Elena opened the bottle op aftersun and held it over Damon's back. Gingerly pushing and squirting some of the milky liquid onto his skin in the process. He tensed for a moment and Elena stopped instantly. "It's ok, it's just a little cold," Damon explained. When Elena was satisfied with the amount of lotion on his skin, she reached out to distribute it.

The moment Elena's hand touched him, his muscles locked in place and she stilled her moments all the while still keeping her hands in place. "Does it hurt?" she questioned. Damon shook his head.

"In that case: just take a deep breath. Try to relax…" he did as he was told and a rush of air vacated his longs.

"You can stop me at any time Damon, you _are_ in control here," she insisted, willing him to understand that everything was up to him. Damon nodded. "Go on," she spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. She started moving very cautiously, making large and slow circles so that he always knew where her hand would be next.

Damon tried to concentrate. This did not necessary feel bad to him but it wasn't comfortable either. He was willing himself not to have a flashback and remember that the girl behind him wasn't Katherine. Turned out that that was not the problem right now. The fact that he knew it was Elena however seemed to mess with his head a little.

"Stop," he ordered and Elena stilled her hands. "Stop touching me," he clarified and she heard his breathing pick up. His skin was turning ashen and she remembered that night in his room. She pushed herself to her feet and ran inside the house. Damon didn't have time to consider where she was going or if she was even coming back. All he could think about was that he didn't want this to happen and he had to make it stop. Before he could think much else, Elena had returned with a glass of water and he wet towel she used to wipe her hands.

"Damon, come sit on the ground. It's nice and cold, it'll help with the lightheadedness," she instructed and he obeyed her without further ado. He wasn't about to let this turn into the fiasco from last time. He pressed his back to the wall behind him before hissing in pain and gathering that that hadn't been the smartest thing to do.

"Breathe Damon, in and out and in and out," she urged, talking over his breathing pattern and slowing down bit by bit so he could mimic her. It took a while for it to work, but when it did she could see his color improving.

When his breathing was more or less back to slow and steady, she handed him to water, commanding him to take small sips but finish it anyhow. Dehydration was another one of those things that came with the territory of hot summer days.

"Better?" Elena questioned.

"Yeah," Damon confirmed, giving her a small smile.

Elena let out a relieved breath and crossed her legs to sit in front of him. "What just happened?" she inquired softly.

He couldn't respond. He didn't know. She wasn't turning into Katherine, he had still known it was her. He hadn't been repulsed by himself for trusting her so what was left? _He had felt uncomfortable under her touch_. That sounded so plain, so silly. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it was the truth. Everything had been distorted for such a long time that he just didn't know how to feel anymore.

Elena let her questioned slide and rose to her feet. "Come on, Salvatore. Let's get you back inside, it's getting cold."

**xXx**

Elena switched off the main light to avoid an overflow of insects and flipped the one on the side table on. "Elena," Damon broke the silence when they were safely back inside.

"Yes."

"I have a question for you," Damon told her.

"Please ask me," Elena urged. She was taken aback by his initiative and really wanted to know what was on his mind.

"I'm not sure I can even ask. I'll feel very stupid when you refuse to answer," he urged.

"I promise so answer," Elena told him earnestly, not wanting to ruin this rare moment in which he was opening up to her.

"So… Who would you take along to that deserted island of Amy's?" he asked with a straight face.

"WHAT?" Elena exclaimed.

Damon clutched his stomach and rolled with laughter. "Can't blame me for wanting a little bit of fun, can you? It's been so tense all night," he elaborated.

Elena huffed in mock disdain.

"The cool thing, Gilbert, is that you DID promise me you'd answer," he told her, quirking his eyebrow.

"You know you're insufferable, right?" Elena questioned, her tone sarcastic.

"I do," he replied, smirking. "Does that mean you'd take baby bro?"

"Who knows," Elena told him.

"Pff, that's lame. Tell me though: what did you tell Amy?"

"I'm not telling you what exactly I told Amy," she retorted.

"Fine. Who did you tell her you'd take?"

"You."

"Really," Damon questioned, clearly surprised.

"Yep."

"Why?"

"That's for me to know and for you to… - What is this phrase you like to use again? Oh, I know- dot, dot, dot," she replied with a smirk of her own.

"Elena…?"

"Yes?"

"Could we try again?" he asked tentatively.

"What?" Elena questioned, not sure what exactly he was referring to.

"My back."

"Of course mister Salvatore, just say the word," Elena told him, trying to keep their conversation light.

She moved so sit behind him and took in the tormented skin. "Damn, this is not good," Elena said, eying the redness.

"Way to boost my ego Gilbert?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, take your shirt of and I'll repeat the comment. Pretty sure you'll get it then," he quipped mockingly.

She huffed, "I was talking about all of the sand and the gravel sticking to your skin, pretty sure you can do without a scrub right now," she explained.

"Whatever," Damon retorted. "Just clean it up, you have practiced your nursing skills for over an hour on Amy, pretty sure you can handle this."

"Fine," she agreed, going to the kitchen to wet the towel again. She gingerly wiped all the dirt of Damon's back. He did hiss once because –let's face it- there were nicer feelings in the world. But he didn't stop her this time, nor did he complain.

Elena opened the bottle of lotion again and let it drip down onto his skin. "Can you imagine it actually feels nice?" Damon mused, more to himself than to Elena. He felt how she touched his skin and distribute the milky liquid evenly, adding more lotion as his skin soaked it up. Her hands felt like silk and the soothing circles she drew were comforting as they relieved some of the pain.

It surprised Elena how relaxed he felt under her fingertips. She could feel the tension leave his body. Maybe it was because he had been hurting just before, maybe he had found a way to tune his thought out. Whatever it was, she was happy in this moment. Who would have thought they would ever get to this point.

With one last, gentle sweep over his shoulder she withdrew, wiping her hands on the discarded towel. Damon moved back a little, to one side of the sofa and she shifted to face him, sinking down in the opposite corner.

"How much do you know Elena?" Damon asked her out of the blue.

The way his blue eyes bore into her brown ones left no room for interpretation, she knew what he was asking.

"I know you were hurt."

"I think you know more."

"I don't know anything for sure."

"But you have your suspicions."

"Yes."

"What do they include?"

"Are you comfortable with me answering that question?"

Her retort stopped Damon in his tracks. Was he comfortable with her answering that question? "I don't know," he replied, "Answer it anyway," he continued.

"I think Katherine manipulated you…"

"And?" he urged.

Now it was Elena's turn to feel uncomfortable. She didn't want to speak the words out loud, frightened that would make it more real somehow. Damon was surprised to see her like this, fidgeting with her fingers, darting her eyes to anywhere but his eyes. Suddenly he turned out to be the level-headed one.

"Elena?"

"Yes?" It took her a while to find a phrasing she you bear to utter, "She forced herself on you, didn't she?" She voice was soft and fragile. Damon nodded his head in confirmation and Elena finally reached her gaze to his, meeting his eyes for the first time since she knew for certain. "I'm so sorry Damon," she whispered, though the real conversation was carried out without words. He could read all the things she couldn't say in the depth of her brown orbs.

"I'm fine now Elena, it's been free for quite some time. Damon gave her some time to process before he spoke again.

"Katherine and I… Things were different once. The first weeks I knew her were the best I had since my mom past," Damon paused.

"I wish the story started out in a different way and I wish I could tell you I've always hated her but the truth is way more painful than that… Katherine arrived back when I was seventeen. I was one of those kids that ran into trouble on a daily basis. It was not exceptional when I got caught for underage drinking or smoking a joint. You never would have liked me, I was the asshole what womanized his way through high school, breaking many hearts in the process," his lips curled up in a sad smile.

"My father didn't notice, he was always on business trips and most of the time I could charm my way out of any situation. The few times I didn't though, there was always hell to pay. Father could get incredibly angry with me sometimes. I strongly believe he liked Stefan, my little bro was picture perfect, so to say.

"Katherine wasn't interested in Stefan though, from the moment she moved in, her attention was on me. She would ask how I was doing and care about the reply. Whenever something was up, she was the first one to notice and she even got be out of trouble a couple of time. It was nice to feel like someone cared. The summer when she arrived, we spend most of our time together. I would play the piano or show her around the garden. We used to talk for hours at a certain point in my past."

"Then one night I wrecked my car, the car I had worked on with my father. I was crushed. That car was the one thing him and I shared together and to know I messed it up, broke me. Whatever people thought of me, I wasn't that overly confident man they made me out to be and suddenly it was all too much. I broke down. Katherine wasted no time pulling me into her arms and shushed me until the sobs died down."

Elena grimaced. "Let's be clear, I'm NOT a crybaby. It just happened that one time, give me a break," he told her firmly though he knew it wasn't the crying-part she was worried about.

"When she pulled away, she kissed the corner of my mouth and I did nothing. I didn't even realize she did it on purpose. Not until she went for my lips a few heartbeats later. I didn't respond, I was frozen in place."

"The next few days, things got worse. She started getting more physical when we would spend time and I was rapidly feeling more and more uncomfortable and confused. I didn't dare to tell her off too harshly, somehow I was scared to lose her and lose that bond we had shared. Little did I know that this was all part of her messed-up plan."

"Completely oblivious to what was happening, I went up to her one night. I was my choice to enter her room that time. I was convinced that when I was honest with her and explained her how I felt, she would immediately stop her behaviour and apologize profusely for her mistake. Things didn't go the way I planned, I should have seen it coming."

"She ended up kissing me, cradling my face, telling me it would all be ok. I was so shocked that I can't even remember what she did exactly, I only remember what I was feeling. The worst of all is that I don't even remember myself fighting back. I was just perplexed, frozen, unable to move. I was the worst night of my life, I never felt so-," his couldn't finish that sentence, there were no words.

"The moment she left I felt so incredibly small, I took a shower and scrubbed her touch off until the water turned cold and way afterwards. The days that followed I covered the mirror, I was so disguised with myself I couldn't even see my reflection and the next time, when she entered my room I got really upset with her."

"That's when she realized, I wouldn't never sleep with her again and she threatened to switch brothers."

Elena gasped. "How old was Stefan?"

"Thirteen. Stefan was completely inexperienced, she would break him, I was sure of it. So in the end, somehow she got her way…"

"The first thing was not the physical part though, it were her words, the utter humiliation. Her telling me how my body betrayed me, her telling me I wanted it, her telling me it was all my fault. I did start believing some of the lies she told me after a while. Katherine really is a manipulative bitch."

"Now you know," he finished, looking up at her.

Elena just stared into his eyes.

"Say something," he urged.

"I'm afraid there are no words…" Elena replied softly. "I wish you didn't have to go through all that. I can't imagine how lonely you've been… I wish someone would have stepped up and make it stop. God, I can't imagine how you must have felt."

"It's good that you can't imagine, I would be very unhappy if you could," Damon told her with a sly smile.

As Elena pondered her next reply, Damon shifted a bit closer until they sat only an inch apart. He took one of Elena's fidgeting hands and laid it down on the sofa, smoothing her fingers out.

"It's ok. I know this is new to you but I've dealt with it. Don't feel bad for me."

"You know that none of what happened is your fault, right? You know that all the things she said were untrue?" Elena needed to know.

Damon's lack of an answer was all the answer she needed.

"Damon, sexual assault is never the fault of the victim-,"

She was interrupted by Damon: "Can't you see it was different in my case?"

"Damon… the definition of abuse is doing those things against someone's will. This wasn't something you chose."

He couldn't form a verbal response. Couldn't explain to her how Katherine had gotten into his head, making him wonder if it really had been against his will. He was the stronger one, after all.

"If you had wanted any of it, she wouldn't have had to threaten Stefan," Elena told him, "If you would have wanted it you wouldn't be having those nightmares, having those panic attacks. Don't you see that?"

And there she was, chipping away at his deepest, darkest insecurities.

**xXx**

_When you feel my heat, look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close, it's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide_

**xXx**

Damon shifted his pinky finger over the hand that lay between them, brushing across the inside of her smallest finger. Their gazes connected as she snuck her hand further under his, looking for any indication that he wanted her to stop. She opened her fingers like she had before and felt his fall gently between the gaps.

It took him a minute to work up the courage but he bent his fingers underneath, to hold her hand, their fingers still magically intertwined. She leaned her head onto his shoulder, feeling things would be ok this time and he tilted his crown against hers, affirming that she was right where he wanted her to be.

Their eyes slipped closed as the adrenaline from their intense conversations slowly made its way out of their systems. In this first serene moment, it dawned on them how tired they were. It was past midnight after all. They just lay there, comfortably because in this moment nothing really mattered.

**xXx**

In the darkness  
before the dawn,  
Leave a light  
a light on

**xXx**

**Featuring Demons by Imagine Dragons and Midnight by Coldplay. Next chapter will be written when I get back from skiing. Thank you all for reading, you truly are a wonderful audience.**


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